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In a relationship (husband/wife) or any type of relationship, is there any excuse for deception? What is going on is my spouse says yes to our discussions about how things should be done, simply to end them and then goes and does what he wants anyways. (Is this what passive -aggressive is?) When I catch him, he says "I had to becasue I don't want to do things YOUR way" Is there ever a vaild excuse? (we're not talking about cheating here, just general lies)
In a relationship (husband/wife) or any type of relationship, is there any excuse for deception? What is going on is my spouse says yes to our discussions about how things should be done, simply to end them and then goes and does what he wants anyways. (Is this what passive -aggressive is?) When I catch him, he says "I had to becasue I don't want to do things YOUR way" Is there ever a vaild excuse? (we're not talking about cheating here, just general lies)
Yes, that's passive/aggressive. He's passive with you.
There is no excuse for this. If he doesn't want to do things your way, he should tell you that.
I'd suggest counseling. It's odd behavior to lie to a spouse like this, repeatedly.
sounds like normal behavior when you are married to a nagging wife.
Seriously, just let him do things his way. Stop playing like you are his mommy.
exactly. thank you. I know what its like being cheated on and its not fun. This is why im happy i can openly speak to my wife, when she is awake, about something i don't like. When she decides to treat me like one of her 3rd graders, i stop her and tell her.
In a relationship (husband/wife) or any type of relationship, is there any excuse for deception? What is going on is my spouse says yes to our discussions about how things should be done, simply to end them and then goes and does what he wants anyways. (Is this what passive -aggressive is?) When I catch him, he says "I had to becasue I don't want to do things YOUR way" Is there ever a vaild excuse? (we're not talking about cheating here, just general lies)
Calm down, this is a very common ploy that men use. Mine does it all the time. You can be yadda, yaddaing in his ear about something that is important to you that you need his input on and he is in the throes of parallel processing other thoughts and just "yesses" you to death to end your yadda, yaddaing. They do it all the time and mine is the Grand Master of parallell processing. I am ALWAYS saying to him "Where did that come from"...meaning we can be talking about reseeding the lawn and all of a sudden he is off on something that happened at work??
NO this is not passive aggressive by any means of those terms. What happens when the two of you decide on something then he goes and does what he wants is that he was NOT listening when it was first discussed and doesn't DARE ask you what was discussed because he knows you are going to go off on him. So for fear of the reprimand that is coming, he "wings" it and does it HIS way. It is a "guy thing". I am sure this is far from deception.
My suggestion to you....that is if this really bothers you...write down what you have decided kind of like an agenda for him then when whatever you want him to take care of doesn't happen, show him the agenda. It will save you having to say to him "SO..we decide to take care of the xyz and you go ahead and do abc anyhow"...then a fight starts...etc. Get my drift?
Calm down, this is a very common ploy that men use. Mine does it all the time. You can be yadda, yaddaing in his ear about something that is important to you that you need his input on and he is in the throes of parallel processing other thoughts and just "yesses" you to death to end your yadda, yaddaing. They do it all the time and mine is the Grand Master of parallell processing. I am ALWAYS saying to him "Where did that come from"...meaning we can be talking about reseeding the lawn and all of a sudden he is off on something that happened at work??
NO this is not passive aggressive by any means of those terms. What happens when the two of you decide on something then he goes and does what he wants is that he was NOT listening when it was first discussed and doesn't DARE ask you what was discussed because he knows you are going to go off on him. So for fear of the reprimand that is coming, he "wings" it and does it HIS way. It is a "guy thing". I am sure this is far from deception.
My suggestion to you....that is if this really bothers you...write down what you have decided kind of like an agenda for him then when whatever you want him to take care of doesn't happen, show him the agenda. It will save you having to say to him "SO..we decide to take care of the xyz and you go ahead and do abc anyhow"...then a fight starts...etc. Get my drift?
I agree. I used to do this with my wife frequently, and I was also accused of being passive aggressive. Men don't communicate, or respond well when our SO is talking "AT" them instead of "TO" them. There are also expectations that women have of men that are sometimes just not fair. For example if a man has an idea about what he wants to do around the house he would/should first discuss the idea (well in advance) then carry out the plan. If there is any help involved he will either say so during the discussion, or enlist the help of one of his friends. Women on the other hand wait till the day they want to execute said plan, and the man has either parked himself in front of the TV to either watch the big game, or movie he planned to watch all week. They will then discuss what they want to do, and immediately expect the man to (without ANY attitude) help them implement said plan or complete said project.
This communication block is explained in depth in the Pease's book Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes.
It often has to do with the woman talking so damn much he's gotten into nodding and "yeah, yeahing" her. She often chooses to do a lot of requesting while he's trying to focus on a single thing, in an effort to get a yeah, yeah out of him, know DAMN WELL he's not fully paying attention.
Example...he's intently watching a NCAA basketball game. Now they sat through breakfast with hardly a word, they watched Oprah together and he knows not to even try to speak while god is on TV...
...So she chooses triple overtime and my team has the ball to tie to inquire...
"Dave is it OK if mom stays a week to go shopping with me so i can buy stuff with our tax return?"
KNOWING DAMN WELL..the answer is going to be "yeah, yeah...i'm watching the game here!"
rather than getting mired in it being a "gender" issue (which it is NOT)
see it as an extremely unhealthy style of communication and unhealthy behavior
what is the remedy?
learning yourself how to engage in clear, direct healthy communication and healthy relationship behaviors.
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Valid excuse for deception
