How well can you resist cheating? Any advice when the temptation is staring you in the face? (dating, wife)
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I really want to get a perspective from the male side, since let's face it we are just wired differently from women. We are a lot more physical, and lustful. For us dealing with this kind of temptation is a lot harder. I'm in a situation right now where I really don't want to cheat on my girlfriend. She's been away at the moment due to family obligations (she's in another country), and it's been really hard to not have the sex. It's complicated and I'd rather not get into it but I won't be able to see her for at least another month.
I almost gave in yesterday. I went out over the weekend with a friend and I met this girl and we had a long conversation. She also happens to be in a relationship but admitted that she's bored and wants to have sex with other guys. We admitted we were attracted to each other and she wants to see me again. She pretty much laid the cards on the table. It's there for the taking.
I couldn't sleep all night thinking about it. I really don't want to cheat on my girlfriend but physically it is really hard to resist the temptation. I want to marry her. Please help.
P.S. Female posters can post too. But I would really appreciate some advice from men who have successfully dealt with this. My stomach is in knots.
Alright man. Check this out. Stay away from her. If you are legit in wanting to be with your girlfriend long term, you need to get some lube and work it out.
You will try to trick yourself into thinking you can pull it off. Problem is it will surface some way or another.
Do activities away from women. Do not obsess on it or that is all you will think about.
Buddy I have been there done that. It never works out good.
I love my wife so much I wouldn't even consider it. Ever. I've got better things to do than even put myself in that position. And if a lady tried hinting around or flirting...I'd just tell her I'm very happily married and I'm not interested. I would walk away feeling darn proud I can't be seduced by any woman but my wife. It's not that hard to do...and it sure as hell wouldn't be worth it if you honestly love your lady.
You should have got up and walked away the instant she started talking about having sex with other guys. She obviously is a cheater and not something you want in your life.
Your thinking with the wrong head...now snap the hell out of it!
I love my wife so much I wouldn't even consider it. Ever. I've got better things to do than even put myself in that position. And if a lady tried hinting around or flirting...I'd just tell her I'm very happily married and I'm not interested. I would walk away feeling darn proud I can't be seduced by any woman but my wife. It's not that hard to do...and it sure as hell wouldn't be worth it if you honestly love your lady.
You should have got up and walked away the instant she started talking about having sex with other guys. She obviously is a cheater and not something you want in your life.
Your thinking with the wrong head...now snap the hell out of it!
Yeah I feel horrible about it. I pride myself in having a strong moral base, not having an addictive personality, etc. I don't think I've ever felt so weak in my life. Just the fact that I was real close to acting on it, really bothered me. I just don't want to be in that spot again. Thanks for the advice.
Man, I fully understand. I work in a business that's 75%-80% women. And if you're reasonably attractive, well-spoken, or just competent and well-groomed, you're going to eventually be thrust into those kinds of situations. Over my career, I have had any number of women make overtures, some married, some not. I have never succumbed, nor would I ever plan to. But other posters need to realize that everybody is human, and that temptation can sneak up when least expected--particularly if one's spouse is away for long periods of time. So how do you avoid stepping out of line?
First. Whenever I have a conversation with a woman I find attractive, I always ask this question: "Is this a conversation I would be having in my wife's presence?" If I think it would even be remotely objectionable, I don't go there.
Second. It's one thing to have a drink or dinner with a female colleague. In business today, that's just unavoidable. It's another thing entirely to have two or three or more. The more you have, the fewer inhibitions you have. Recognize this in yourself and keep the drinking to a minimum.
Third. If nothing else, at all times, you should recognize that you would be caught. Are you prepared to deal with the shame? Understanding the consequences of what would happen will cool your ardor in a hurry.
Fourth. If the woman crosses the line, tell your spouse. NO, not in a tattling kind of way. But simply sharing confidences. As in, "Nothing happened, but I think Susan got a little too friendly with me on our last business trip. I handled it diplomatically, but I wanted you to know about it." This accomplishes two things. It heightens trust between you and your wife, and it also keeps you from tucking away that little flirtation into the back of your head and allowing it to grow into a full-blown "What if" fantasy. And that is a dangerous thing to carry around in your head, unknown to anyone else.
The key word here is "girlfriend", now unless you have kids with her or she is pregannt, live your life.
Now I do suggest cutting her off first, but if you are contemplating cheating on your girl at this stage (dating, shacking, etc), then you might as well stop with your girlfriend now. It only gets worse after you get married, and you will have more to lose
I really want to get a perspective from the male side, since let's face it we are just wired differently from women. We are a lot more physical, and lustful. For us dealing with this kind of temptation is a lot harder. I'm in a situation right now where I really don't want to cheat on my girlfriend. She's been away at the moment due to family obligations (she's in another country), and it's been really hard to not have the sex. It's complicated and I'd rather not get into it but I won't be able to see her for at least another month.
I almost gave in yesterday. I went out over the weekend with a friend and I met this girl and we had a long conversation. She also happens to be in a relationship but admitted that she's bored and wants to have sex with other guys. We admitted we were attracted to each other and she wants to see me again. She pretty much laid the cards on the table. It's there for the taking.
I couldn't sleep all night thinking about it. I really don't want to cheat on my girlfriend but physically it is really hard to resist the temptation. I want to marry her. Please help.
P.S. Female posters can post too. But I would really appreciate some advice from men who have successfully dealt with this. My stomach is in knots.
First of all, I gave you reps for not caving into this other woman, who apparently is a cheater (since she solicits from other men), and I'm sure you weren't the first one she's done this to.
However, please look at your statement that I bolded. WHY ON EARTH did you admit that you were attracted to her, who is someone other than your GF?
From a woman's point of view, telling her you're also attracted to her signals that "OK" the flirtations between the two of you.
If I were your GF, and if I found out that you have confided your attractions TO THAT OTHER WOMAN, I would have packed my stuff right after I return from visiting family.
Honestly dude, how would YOU like it if you found out your GF has been confiding her feelings for another man?
First of all, I gave you reps for not caving into this other woman, who apparently is a cheater (since she solicits from other men), and I'm sure you weren't the first one she's done this to.
However, please look at your statement that I bolded. WHY ON EARTH did you admit that you were attracted to her, who is someone other than your GF?
From a woman's point of view, telling her you're also attracted to her signals that "OK" the flirtations between the two of you.
If I were your GF, and if I found out that you have confided your attractions TO THAT OTHER WOMAN, I would have packed my stuff right after I return from visiting family.
Honestly dude, how would YOU like it if you found out your GF has been confiding her feelings for another man?
Shame on you!
Oh, cut him some slack. He already knows he screwed up, and is trying to make sure the situation doesn't happen again. Piling on here just isn't the answer.
First of all, I gave you reps for not caving into this other woman, who apparently is a cheater (since she solicits from other men), and I'm sure you weren't the first one she's done this to.
However, please look at your statement that I bolded. WHY ON EARTH did you admit that you were attracted to her, who is someone other than your GF?
From a woman's point of view, telling her you're also attracted to her signals that "OK" the flirtations between the two of you.
If I were your GF, and if I found out that you have confided your attractions TO THAT OTHER WOMAN, I would have packed my stuff right after I return from visiting family.
Honestly dude, how would YOU like it if you found out your GF has been confiding her feelings for another man?
Shame on you!
Trust me I've thought about it that way and I feel horrible about it.
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