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We do not live together, so he has plenty time away from me, and spends lots of it with his friend. They have lots of things in common, sports, they play music, movies, etc.
About 6 months ago, he bought a computer. He used to have one a long -time ago, and then gave it up. Never told me why. Since he has this new computer, sometimes I use it and see "personal annoucements" on his history, and he has been in many "chat rooms," so I have been taking notice of this. When I questioned him, nicely, he admitted that at the beginning of getting the computer, he did join several chat rooms, and commnunicated with some people, so we left it at that.
The change has come after the computer, and his friend possible move out -of state. He is extremely secretive, and is hard to get information from him, even nicely. He is very laid-back, and an excellent listener, but not a talker.
I see that he also has become short of patience with me, which was not there before.
"extremely secretive" is only acceptable at Christmastime or if you're a member of the CIA These are all bad signs, I think you know that.
since you don't live together, it should be easy to dietance yourself. You don't seem to want to cut it off completely so Id see him less and less often. I d not have sex with him, but if you must, definately wear a condom (have him wear, I mean) AIDS is not game like he seems to be playing. Russian roulette, a guy you doubt is just not worth taking a chance.
Last edited by msboom; 04-13-2009 at 11:33 PM..
Reason: spelling
Talk to him. Seriously. Sit him down and tell him you feel like he's not paying attention to you. Not talking to him is the worst thing you can do. He might just be taking you for granted and not even realising it, or maybe he is thinking of moving on, but you need to talk to him! Then if after talking to him about it, it doesn't change, then start withdrawing from him.
"extremely secretive" is only acceptable at Christmastime or if you're a member of the CIA These are all bad signs, I think you know that.
Well, I take that to be part of his personality structure. He is a very laid- back man, does not speak a lot, and used to be very shy, although now he appears to have more confidence. I guess it comes with maturity.
Anyone that is extremely secretive with the person they are involved with has something they are hiding, when you care for someone you share things that are important Such as feelings, now as far as the chat rooms are they chat rooms for singles or just general chat rooms about sports-life or other interest? If you two don’t live together then you both have lots of alone time to look into other love interest in life. If you think that he might be looking to hook up with other women then no matter how good your relationship was you need to think of moving on, it’s not worth a broken heart to stay in a relationship that in the end you are the one left standing there wondering what the heck went wrong. Ask him if he wants to see other women tell him you understand if he does but that it hurts you and that his choice will determine if you’re relationship will end or continue to grow, you need to understand that no love is worth wondering what the other partner is up to and if you don’t trust him already then deep down you already know that he is a person that you would always question what his motives are.
We do not live together, so he has plenty time away from me, and spends lots of it with his friend. They have lots of things in common, sports, they play music, movies, etc.
About 6 months ago, he bought a computer. He used to have one a long -time ago, and then gave it up. Never told me why. Since he has this new computer, sometimes I use it and see "personal annoucements" on his history, and he has been in many "chat rooms," so I have been taking notice of this. When I questioned him, nicely, he admitted that at the beginning of getting the computer, he did join several chat rooms, and commnunicated with some people, so we left it at that.
The change has come after the computer, and his friend possible move out -of state. He is extremely secretive, and is hard to get information from him, even nicely. He is very laid-back, and an excellent listener, but not a talker.
I see that he also has become short of patience with me, which was not there before.
I would too!!!!
Quit snooping around and making accusations he is cheating!!!!
He is secretive because he is questioning you now. My wife did this and I have hated her ever since! What the hex are you looking for?? A way out of the relationship???
Either trust the guy or don't. Don't snoop on his computer trying to pin this guy to the wall for something that isn't there. You're not his wife!!!
Shame on you for reading into everything. That will destroy a relationship real quick.
Set him free!! He doesn't need to be attached to a motive reader!!!
I am in a long-term relationship, and I believe my boyfriend, age 42, is going through a mid-life crisis. He has become less attentive, telling me that he needs to make new friends, and I have reason to believe he has been digging into the "personal columns." Plus, I see an overall change progression in our relationship, for the worse, that was not there before. My dilemma is: I cannot stop him from seeking relationships outside of ours, but I am feeling vulnerable to the possibility that he may contract a venereal disease and pass it on to me. So, I have been thinking of asking him to use protection when we have sex. We have never had before. How does one approaches such a situation, without angering him, and do you think it is a wise decision? Thank you,
If you are suspecting that your long term boyfriend has been dabbling in the personal columns and can prove it, why are you still there with him? Chances are if youa re seeing an "overall change progression in your relationship"....he isn't as lovable as before, then your intuition is probably right on target. Instead of asking him to use protection and prolonging the emotional pain he is causing you, why don't you ask him to leave? Or perhaps tell him you are leaving...try the "I need a break" thing that men always use on us. Are you afraid of him? You seem concerned about him getting angry and with all that you feel he may be doing him getting angry should be your last concern.
I would wait until he went to work, pack a few things and go stay someplace else for a while. You cannot force someone to be faithful and using the excuse that he is going through a mid-life crises just doesn't cut it. He is either going to be faithful to you and cut the crap with the personal ads and cheating or it's over...it is that simple. At his age, he should know what he wants and it appears that he isn't ready to settle down and get married and probably never will be.
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These are all bad signs, I think you know that.
Latina7
