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Actually, no. Once fixed, people who bring home strays usually find another one. They don't want the fixed version. They want the broken one. That's the way codependency works. You and your issues verify that I'm not worth more. If you get fixed, then I either have to accept I deserve better or move on. Most move on.
I am not sure if this is exclusively an American thing but how come there are so many ****ed up people in this society? I feel fortunate to have parents who were for the most part, normal and taught me values, morals and good things. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 years and we have an incredible relationship, the only thing that gets in the way sometimes are some "issues" from her childhood, although they are not major, I have sacrificed a lot to keep the relationship going and do not regret it at all. I was wondering how other people deal with people who have major issues from childhood like dysfunctional families, sexual abuse, people that need attention desperately, compulsive liars and such. I think that if my girlfriend had some major issues, I would have left her by now but I am not sure how most people deal with people who have major issues.
Everyone has issues, even you. You may not recognize it, but I bet someone can point out a handful for you.
There are people who have issues, wallow in self-pity, and use it as an excuse to have a miserable life - and people who have issues, acknowledge them, and try to live the best life they can regardless.
Fixing "major" issues is not easy. It's not as simple as wanting it. It's not as simple as getting therapy or reading self help books (how ridiculous), etc.. It's a lifelong process. Tread carefully with someone in such a situation.
I am not sure if this is exclusively an American thing but how come there are so many ****ed up people in this society? I feel fortunate to have parents who were for the most part, normal and taught me values, morals and good things. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 5 years and we have an incredible relationship, the only thing that gets in the way sometimes are some "issues" from her childhood, although they are not major, I have sacrificed a lot to keep the relationship going and do not regret it at all. I was wondering how other people deal with people who have major issues from childhood like dysfunctional families, sexual abuse, people that need attention desperately, compulsive liars and such. I think that if my girlfriend had some major issues, I would have left her by now but I am not sure how most people deal with people who have major issues.
I don't think it's unique to the United States.
Medical professionals say that one in three people in the world have a mental illness, and coming to think of it it's not so shocking. life is not easy, and all people go through traumas of some kind, so I think everybody has issues of some variety.
If I had a girlfriend with issues, i would help her help herself by going to counselling/psychiatrists with her, but in the long run, I'm not sure. i think life is too short, and we should spend every moment productively, so if she showed no signs of improvement (or at least showed no willingness to improve) then the relationship would be off.
I understand what a lot of you are saying. But I don't think you realize how hard it is to have trust issues. You feel like you can't trust anyone, no matter how much you want to. You constantly wonder if they actually really care about you, or if they're just lying to get something from you. And no matter how much you want to open up to someone, you can't, because you're terrified that they'll use it against you, and you'll be hurt even more. It feels like you're constantly being torn apart by your own insecurities. And no matter how much you tell yourself that they're not trying to hurt you, and it's ok to open up, every voice in your head is screaming at you, telling you that you're going to end up broken and alone.
I understand what a lot of you are saying. But I don't think you realize how hard it is to have trust issues. You feel like you can't trust anyone, no matter how much you want to. You constantly wonder if they actually really care about you, or if they're just lying to get something from you. And no matter how much you want to open up to someone, you can't, because you're terrified that they'll use it against you, and you'll be hurt even more. It feels like you're constantly being torn apart by your own insecurities. And no matter how much you tell yourself that they're not trying to hurt you, and it's ok to open up, every voice in your head is screaming at you, telling you that you're going to end up broken and alone.
Dealing with a partner's chemical dependency. I don't think there is anything harder to deal with than this.
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