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Successful relationships require compromise. But there are certain issues that you just can't find any middle ground on and, too often, they're issues you didn't expect to even come up, which is why you didn't discuss them before the relationship started. For instance, you have two kids and now your partner suddenly decides he or she wants another one but you don't. Obviously, you can't have a partial child.
In your relationships, what issues have you been unable to compromise on and what happened afterward? Could be something major like the example I gave above or something minor, like one person wanting something in the bedroom that the other person refuses to do. Did one of you concede and, if so, did they resent it? Did you just leave it unresolved and keep coming back to the same debate? Did it get so bad that you had to end the relationship over it?
This probably has nothing to do with your post, but I'm writing it anyway! :P
I've never been in a relationship where this has been an issue yet, but I am definitely not willing to compromise on the kid issue. I want kids, I think it's natural for me to become a mother, and I can't be with someone who didn't want the same thing. I'm the most easy going person you'll meet, and I can handle anyones weird issues with graceful patience, but don't fight with me on the issue of allowing me to become a mother...my future kids will beat you up!
if there are marital problems, and one person wants to go to counseling and address them, and the other person refuses, that was for me something for which there was no compromise possible, it ended the relationship. Not just the refusal to go to counseling, but the refusal to address the issues that were problems serious enough to threaten the marriage.
Successful relationships require compromise. But there are certain issues that you just can't find any middle ground on and, too often, they're issues you didn't expect to even come up, which is why you didn't discuss them before the relationship started. For instance, you have two kids and now your partner suddenly decides he or she wants another one but you don't. Obviously, you can't have a partial child.
In your relationships, what issues have you been unable to compromise on and what happened afterward? Could be something major like the example I gave above or something minor, like one person wanting something in the bedroom that the other person refuses to do. Did one of you concede and, if so, did they resent it? Did you just leave it unresolved and keep coming back to the same debate? Did it get so bad that you had to end the relationship over it?
Without going into a lot of specifics I can say that in my marriage, my husband is the head of the household and his decisions rule. He is a very fair and considerate man and always takes my opinion into consideration. But when it comes down to it, his decision is final. If I do not like that decision I suck it up. Sometimes our own ego gets involved and we cannot see things clearly. I trust in my husband's judgment and do not question his decision.
A lot of marriages would be saved if the woman could keep her own ego out of the relationship. My first marriage ended because we could not come to a mutual decision on having children (he wanted them and I did not). In this scenario, obviously, a woman needs to make her own decisions but this is kind of an extreme situation. But for the non-extreme stuff, a wife would be well advised to not cause conflict.
My husband was a drug addict. I had no idea until after we were married. He hid what drugs he was using the entire time we were dating and engaged. It wasn't until we were pregnant with our first child that I found out the seriousness of his addiction. Then it got worse. He began using more and more dangerous drugs and hiding it less and less.
I asked for rehab, counseling, you name it. He flat out refused any help. He refused any counseling. I tried to stay, I tried to get help myself, I tried to enlist the help of family and friends. He would stop for awhile and then...back using. I gave up after 10 years. Yes, 10 years of crying, begging, praying, anything.
When someone you love refuses to compromise, or in my case get help, you have a choice to make. You can either be the one who gives in or you can move on. Moving on was the best choice I ever made. I just wish it had been many years earlier. It was hard because I really love the guy. He has so many wonderful qualities but on some things I will not compromise and drug use in my house is at the top of that list.
Without going into a lot of specifics I can say that in my marriage, my husband is the head of the household and his decisions rule. He is a very fair and considerate man and always takes my opinion into consideration. But when it comes down to it, his decision is final. If I do not like that decision I suck it up. Sometimes our own ego gets involved and we cannot see things clearly. I trust in my husband's judgment and do not question his decision.
A lot of marriages would be saved if the woman could keep her own ego out of the relationship. My first marriage ended because we could not come to a mutual decision on having children (he wanted them and I did not). In this scenario, obviously, a woman needs to make her own decisions but this is kind of an extreme situation. But for the non-extreme stuff, a wife would be well advised to not cause conflict.
20yrsinBranson
I would have to respectfully disagree. When I took my marriage vows they repeated the exact same vow for EACH of us. Being a higher wage earner does not give anyone the right to be a dictator a relationship. We married each other and as long as we are together, my thoughts and opinions count....they should not be merited by money or genitalia.
I'm absolutely speechless that, in 2009, a woman would still say such a thing.
My sentiments exactly! But if she's happy in her marriage
My mother is dating someone that's kind of like that (she's 55, he's 57), but it doesn't seem to bother her a bit. In face, I think she enjoys having someone that actually acts like "the man of the house".
my husband is the head of the household and his decisions rule. If I do not like that decision I suck it up. I trust in my husband's judgment and do not question his decision.
A lot of marriages would be saved if the woman could keep her own ego out of the relationship. a wife would be well advised to not cause conflict.
certainly if it works for you, it works for you
but it just seems like a contradiction to say a woman should "keep her own ego out of the relationship" and at the same time say the husband's decisions rule. it sounds to me for a man to make all the decisions, that is his ego run amok
so his ego counts, but a woman's ego does not count? i just don't do well with double standards.
to me it sends the message that one person counts and has value, and the other person does not count and has no value
Without going into a lot of specifics I can say that in my marriage, my husband is the head of the household and his decisions rule. He is a very fair and considerate man and always takes my opinion into consideration. But when it comes down to it, his decision is final. If I do not like that decision I suck it up. Sometimes our own ego gets involved and we cannot see things clearly. I trust in my husband's judgment and do not question his decision.
20yrsinBranson
Honestly, with someone I considered to be fair and considerate, with whom I shared respect and trust I wouldn't have much problem with this. I am happiest when my s/o is happy so it is more rewarding for me in the long run to be flexible when it comes to the small stuff. With that being said...it would need to be a relationship based on mutual trust and respect not a "do as I say not as I do" kind of situation. I am ALL ABOUT keeping the peace (in a relationship) but not to the extent where my self respect is compromised. I won't budge on my core values (well...NEVER AGAIN) and I have learned to establish that early on.
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