Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I will if I am starting to have feelings for someone and want to decide if I am going to have sex with them. I've never enjoyed flings or emotion free relationships, based on the 2 I have had. So, for me, if we don't have the same ideas then it is time to break it off. Better to know sooner rather than later for both of us.
I have to agree with you Mary, I also think we live in a world where we are taught to define things, to analyze things to death instead of just enjoying the moment. I think this is a big difference between men & women. We read into everything and need to understand every detail and meaning of things. Most men just don't think that way.... things are more simple and are taken on face value. I definately think age is a factor too and then when people ask about the relationship (other women esp), and you don't know how to respond to the question ....., " I don't know ", it is just not an acceptable answer.
I have to agree with you Mary, I also think we live in a world where we are taught to define things, to analyze things to death instead of just enjoying the moment. I think this is a big difference between men & women. We read into everything and need to understand every detail and meaning of things. Most men just don't think that way.... things are more simple and are taken on face value. I definately think age is a factor too and then when people ask about the relationship (other women esp), and you don't know how to respond to the question ....., " I don't know ", it is just not an acceptable answer.
And this is cross cultural. My non-US women friends, lesbian and straight also think things to death.
You're making some seriously bold assumptions in your post. I'm nothing like that. You also sound bitter as hell- I'm sorry if some guy screwed you over in the past.
My issue with all of this is, what if after a few months of dating I like the girl and want to see where this goes and how it develops, but I don't love her heads over heels? Suddenly, she drops some serious relationship questions. If I'm honest, I risk the girl leaving if she wants more and doesn't get the answer she wants. Does that mean I have to exaggerate/lie so we can stay together?
NO! You tell her what you just said. "I like you, but I'm not in love with you, and I'm not a 100% sure of what I want just yet, but I enjoying being with you the way things are..etc..etc".
If the woman does not like it, she can feel free to move on. I'd rather hear the truth than someone lie to me. Plus, you may meet the woman who understands that you dont want to rush things, and just accepts what you say.
And I dont find Thapazepil (i butchered that name.sorry) to be "bitter" as you said. She hit the nail on the head with her post, because usually, that IS what that type of talk means. Not ALL the time. But a good enough amount of the time.
I think it's good to be thinking, if not talking, about where things are going after dating a couple of months. That's long enough to get a feel for someone. If the feeling is good then have the talk, make sure you are on the same page and, if not, make some changes. If the feeling is bad then the sooner you end things the better for everyone.
Someone close to me in in this position now and after dating exclusively for over a year the guy still doesn't want to DTR or make any solid plans. It's frustrating because there are job changes and potential out of state moves in the mix. In this situation the smart thing is to just think of yourself without regard to the other person....but that's not how human emotions work. Sometimes you just HAVE TO KNOW in order to move forward.
You're making some seriously bold assumptions in your post. I'm nothing like that. You also sound bitter as hell- I'm sorry if some guy screwed you over in the past.
My issue with all of this is, what if after a few months of dating I like the girl and want to see where this goes and how it develops, but I don't love her heads over heels? Suddenly, she drops some serious relationship questions. If I'm honest, I risk the girl leaving if she wants more and doesn't get the answer she wants. Does that mean I have to exaggerate/lie so we can stay together?
If you're not head over heels then what the hell are you with her for; until something better comes along?
I have to agree with you Mary, I also think we live in a world where we are taught to define things, to analyze things to death instead of just enjoying the moment. I think this is a big difference between men & women. We read into everything and need to understand every detail and meaning of things. Most men just don't think that way.... things are more simple and are taken on face value. I definately think age is a factor too and then when people ask about the relationship (other women esp), and you don't know how to respond to the question ....., " I don't know ", it is just not an acceptable answer.
I used to be like this, but I've grown out of it. With my current guy, I told him on Day 1 what I want out of a relationship. (Day 1 wasn't a date, so at that point I was just explaining myself to an acquaintance. I'm sure that made it easier.) Either we will get there or we won't... he knows exactly what I want, what my expectations are. I feel no need to analyze anything ever, and believe me, it is such a revelation. If things don't work out, I'm going to do the same thing with the next guy: simple honesty.
And this is cross cultural. My non-US women friends, lesbian and straight also think things to death.
I'd rather think things to death than catch an STD and/or Herpes/Aids from a booty call/FWB; I don't believe in life long health issues from casual relationships.
Come on... why get on a woman's case because she wants to know things like is this just physical, one time, friends with benefits, or a relationship that is going somewhere? The OP talks about labels; yet, we live in a society where everything functions by a label or title. Nothing just is. I mean what is wrong with everyone being on the same page? If we both know, there is less likely to be any misunderstandings later on down the line. If a guy is upfront with his intentions great- "let the chips fall where they may," but I get suspicious when he dances around what he wants- it communicates to me he is a player... If I give u my cookies thats one thing, but don't u deceive me to get my cookies, least my cookies kick ur *ss. (LOL)
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
(LOL)
