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Hi Everyone,
I am new here. Please be gentle with me. I have been dating a man for 8 years. (For 2 of the 8 years we took a mutual two year break) I am a very traditional lady, waited to marriage for sex, never even thought about cheating on my husband. Have only had one other partner in a very commited relationship three years after my divorce. I was two years away from my last lover before I engaged in another relationship with J. We have not been sexuall, other than a one time, almost but we stopped and put our clothes back on, no touching or anything.
J. has slept with 11 other women that I know about. Four of which were his wife's sisters, I know it takes two. One he drugged and raped his first year of marriage. Maybe that is history, Let me get to the point. His two serious relationships have had this same complaint. He is always, daily telling us how great Anne is/was. He is 54 years old now, he was 16 when they were sexuall together. He cheated on her with 3 other girls, including the Ex-wife before they were married. All of the relationships he has had he cheated. When I asked him about how I could trust he would be faithful to me, his answer was, I know. But I do not. He has already chased after a 24 year old married woman,just two days after we made the announcement to the family about out engagement.
Recently I caught him going after a 24 year old married woman. She called me and asked me to get him off her case.
Okay, point here, He is now in recovery (NA) only 2 months into it and he claims that he loves me and wants a commitment. I just don't know if I can trust him, considering the "24" as we call it when we talk about it. Plus, he continues to tell me details about him "F-ing" Anne. I have even been told I would only be second to third to her. I have tried everything from anger, yelling, cards, ignoring it, what can I do?
To be honest with you, it hurt before but now that he has asked for a commitment and marriage, I feel he should not make judgement on that until we have slept together, plus, if he wants to be with me, I should COUNT as his #1 now. If not, he has that right to live his own delusions, but I just can't live this.
Is there anything I can do to help him understand I do not want to be compared to her or hear about her. (note, three and a half years ago I met Anne and she has quite different memorites of his performance and commitment than he does).
I love him, even if we never sleep together, I am willing to give companionship to him. He just may not be able to function much longer as he has prostate issues, major and bad kidney problems, but I love him and can accept we may not have a sexual relationship, but I just do not want to hear about Anne, it is hard to deal with....HELP ME!
I almost hope that this post is MUD (Made Up Drama) because I really cannot imagine wanting to spend my life with a man who slept with his wife's sisters - and raped one of them while he was at it - and is a serial cheater.
My guess is that you must have extremely low self esteem. I recommend getting rid of this loser man to whom you have attached yourself to and get into some therapy sharpish.
It is very obvious to me that he will cheat on you as soon as he gets the opportunity and that he will ALWAYS view you as the runner up, not his number 1. You are out of your mind if you move forward with an engagement with this person. Out of you mind.
Hi, thanks for the question. It has been since they were 20 years old that they have even seen each other. She married another man and they had 5 children. She said J was her first and she did not know until she married her husband how good making love could be. She tells me she wants nothing to do with him.
She told me and he confirmed to me last night that she told him, if you want to be with me, choose just me, and he married Pam out of spite. When he went back to find her, Anne was already married to another man and they are very happy. She told me it was in her past and told me she would answer anything I wanted to know, but wanted it left there after we talked. I have not contacted her since. Honestly I do not care if he is good in bed or not, I love him, and I care very deeply for him. I just want him to stop comparing me to her.
I promise you this is not MUD. I would not do that. I am here to try and understand. Yes, my self-esteem is very low. I am currently in Counseling once a week. I really do appreciate you being so candid here. I am trying to not use my past to make excuses here. And I am seeing that I need to move on...please, I am serious here. How do you make a heart stop loving someone?
No, your standards are not too high. I can't understand wanting to be around someone who drugged and raped someone, and apparently screws anything that moves. Tell him that he and that skank Anne should be happy together and get the heck away from him. And then figure out why you felt the need to put up with him.
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