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I know I will be losing a lot in this divorce. He is a very angry man, and although he has never physically hurt me, I am tired of being the one dealing with his anger. We have no savings, our move 2 years ago wiped us out. Our has has maybe 20K equity, and that's if we get a good buyer (in this wonderful market). Because of the situation we were in 2 years ago when we moved, we now have a sky high credit card to boot. I consulted an attorney, I would be entitled to 50% of everything we have, including his 401K, but no spousal support unless we've been married 10 years. He WILL NOT compromise if I try to take the kids out of state, and has pretty much threatened me with a nasty battle if I try. I'm very scared. I love him, but can't take his anger anymore. I want to get my kids out of the situation, but how can I get them help if I will barely be able to put a roof over their head. Even with the maximum amount of child support, and ASSUMING that I can get a decent enough job somewhere making MAYBE $15/hour, that will be 1/2 of what we are used to living on now. My son already struggles in school and has been in 2 different schools in 2 years. The only way I can afford to live is to move to a smaller town, and he'd have to start all over AGAIN. The kids would have to give up any activities that they now do.
I'm sorry to go on and on. I truly have nobody right now that I can talk to and I'm using this as a sounding board. I'm sorry if I seem to be talking in circles. We've been dealing with issues and trying to work through them for nearly 2 years (he had an emotional affair, the move, the bad job which caused the move, the struggle selling our old house, near bankruptcy). I've been praying for 2 years, but God doesn't seem to be on my side. Guess my faith isn't strong enough.
I love this man like nothing else, except my children. I can't imagine my life without him, but I'm going to have to. I'm just so flipping mad to find out he was unhappy with our marriage BEFORE he moved us all down here. Now he's thriving, he loves it here, and I will be stuck in a state I never wanted to live in. I'm so angry and I'm so alone. I am a very strong person, and will figure out somehow to carry on, but where is my God when I need him the most? He hasn't been here for 2 years. I've put my heart and soul into this marriage and will be walking away empty. I vowed to spend the rest of my life with this man, and now I'm afraid I'll be alone forever.
I'm afraid I cannot go stay with my family until I get on my feet, they live 800 miles away. They'd gladly let me, and I was all set to do so, until I found out about the distance clause. This is something I will be doing completely on my own.
I'm sorry these threads depress you. That was never my intention, and I now feel bad. 3 years ago, our marriage was bliss, and my husband told me daily that I was the love of his life and his best friend. He said he couldn't imagine a life without me. My best to you and Mrs. Chow.
I love this man like nothing else, except my children. I can't imagine my life without him, but I'm going to have to. I'm just so flipping mad to find out he was unhappy with our marriage BEFORE he moved us all down here. Now he's thriving, he loves it here, and I will be stuck in a state I never wanted to live in. I'm so angry and I'm so alone. I am a very strong person, and will figure out somehow to carry on, but where is my God when I need him the most? He hasn't been here for 2 years. I've put my heart and soul into this marriage and will be walking away empty. I vowed to spend the rest of my life with this man, and now I'm afraid I'll be alone forever.
We will all pull together, and God is surely to hear us knocking.
so, there is no trying to make your marriage work...in his eyes huh?
Marriage takes two, to make it work. I`m sorry that he feels this way, but I`m glad that you are a strong person. You will need to be, upon the days ahead of you. Hang in there!
In his eyes, it's over. No talking, no discussing, no compromising, no counseling, nothing. In my eyes, we've been through so much already, if he'd just communicate better, this could all be avoided. But he refuses to do so.
How do I proceed? My husband and I are about to divorce, because he wants it, not me, but I'm tired of begging him to change his mind. I'm not the love of his life anymore. We have 2 children. We relocated to a new state 2 years ago for his career. I'm a SAHM without a college degree. My entire family lives 800 miles away. That's where I want to be if I'm not here with him. But he doesn't want me anymore. The state we now live is very pro-parent, which means, at his request, something can be filed banning me from moving outside of 100 (may be 150) mile radius. He fully intends to file this. And according to the attorney I consulted, it's impossible to fight. He wants access to his children, this I understand. My problem, I only moved to this state for him. I have no friends, other than those through his work, none that I am close to at all, so there's no help there. I have no family near by. I haven't worked in over 7 years because I've been home with our children. There is no spousal support because we've been married less than 9 years. He fully intents to give me the maximum for child support, but how am I supposed to find a job and a place to live (there's no way I can keep this house we live in) to support my children? I don't want to live in a rat-trap, but what kind of job will I find that I don't end up on welfare? And, I will be completely alone, except for my children, whom I love dearly. How do I do this? How do I work my butt off to provide for them and still give them the same quality of life they have now? How do I give up everything I've worked so hard for, how do I give up the man I've built my life around?
Ask your lawyer whether or not you can sue over the fact you only moved to your state to accomodate him. I would think there's something in the law to protect a spouse in a case like yours. I understand restricting you from taking the children outside of the 100 mile radius but since you moved away from support to accomodate him, I'd think he owes you something.
Check into welfare. Seriously. You need an education. You won't be able to get one with a job and kids to care for. Look into state aid for college. Your first priority has to be your and your children's future. Use the system to do that. That's what it's for.
Unfortunately, you're going to have to give up everything and start over. You have no choice. So bite the bullet and set yourself up for the best future you can. Trying to hang on to what you have now will only make your future more bleak. Let it go. It never was yours. It was his and you got to enjoy it while you were married but now that the marriage is ending, so does that life. It was based on the marriage. Now you need to start over and that means starting from scratch. Just keep telling yourself you'll be in a much better place in five years. I know it seems like a long time but, as my grandmother used to say "Time passes anyway". Time slips away whether you do something to build a future with it or not. Grandma used to also say "You can't make up for the sins of the past. You can only start from today and do it right.". Go back to square one and start over. You have no choice.
Get through the divorce, get whatever financial help you can get to support yourself and your kids and whatever you can get for college then take one step at a time until you can look back and see that you've built a new life in place of the old one. Change is hard but you have to do it.
Good luck
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