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I hate to break this to the women sleeping with married men out there who are so flattered by the attention, but men cheat "down." They sleep with women they wouldn't marry. A mistress is almost always going to be uglier and lower quality than a wife -- same goes in casual situations. Men will sleep with all kinds of women they wouldn't dream of marrying because they don't deem her worthy of that level of commitment. (Perhaps it's the same for women with men too.)
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Originally Posted by Book Lover 21
Ha ha, that's what young and naive people always think. I have been the other woman several times and I'm probably the last woman you would suspect. I think I'm very plain-looking. I'm a 38 yr old PTA mom.
Woman always worry that the other woman will be sooo attractive that their husband couldn't help himself. This is usually not the case. Those women are usually too busy preening in the mirror to notice your husband.
It's the ones that compliment your husband, cater to his ego, make him feel like he is interesting, fascinating and sexy. Those are the ones to worry about. It's not how the women look, it's how they make your husband feel when they are around him.
I hate to break this to the women sleeping with married men out there who are so flattered by the attention, but men cheat "down." They sleep with women they wouldn't marry. A mistress is almost always going to be uglier and lower quality than a wife -- same goes in casual situations. Men will sleep with all kinds of women they wouldn't dream of marrying because they don't deem her worthy of that level of commitment. (Perhaps it's the same for women with men too.)
...and yet they deem their wives SO worthy, that they screw around on them?.......
...and yet they deem their wives SO worthy, that they screw around on them?.......
Pipers, men who cheat on their wives are usually pretty scummy. (There are tons of exceptions of course, as life is complicated.) Here's the thing: when a guy cheats on his wife, he's not choosing (a) mistress in place of (b) wife. He's choosing (a) and (b) -- big difference. Women who give men this choice usually (again this is a usually as life is complicated, I know) don't think much of themselves.
In the many adulterous situations I have observed (these things happen very frequently in the military) the mistress is almost always uglier than the wife. The wife is baffled ... the guys who know of the situation aren't though ... keep a prime rib at home, but go ahead and snack on a skirt steak when you're out. In fact, best not to go for the prime rib as a side item ... prime ribs usually expect too much in return. Skirt steaks cost less.
Again, if you're a mistress, don't flatter yourself into thinking the guy chooses you *over* his wife ... lol .. if he were single, he probably wouldn't even marry you. You're mistress material, not wife material.
Pipers, men who cheat on their wives are usually pretty scummy. (There are tons of exceptions of course, as life is complicated.) Here's the thing: when a guy cheats on his wife, he's not choosing (a) mistress in place of (b) wife. He's choosing (a) and (b) -- big difference. Women who give men this choice usually (again this is a usually as life is complicated, I know) don't think much of themselves.
In the many adulterous situations I have observed (these things happen very frequently in the military) the mistress is almost always uglier than the wife. The wife is baffled ... the guys who know of the situation aren't though ... keep a prime rib at home, but go ahead and snack on a skirt steak when you're out. In fact, best not to go for the prime rib as a side item ... prime ribs usually expect too much in return. Skirt steaks cost less.
Again, if you're a mistress, don't flatter yourself into thinking the guy chooses you *over* his wife ... lol .. if he were single, he probably wouldn't even marry you. You're mistress material, not wife material.
This is pretty true. I would never have married any of the guys I've had affairs with either. I was really just there for the sex. I was always very upfront about this and the fact that there was to be no mushy emotional entangements.
The nice thing about an affair is that you don't care about the same things. I've been with a successful attorney, a cop, a construction worker, a student, all walks of life. All I really cared about is that they were basically nice to me and good in bed and discreet. I didn't care if they had money or were "cute" or anything like that. It didn't matter because I knew it wasn't going anywhere. I have a family to go home to.
Did they consider me a skirt steak? Didn't really matter to me. If I was delusional/crazy enough to think that I had a future with any of them, I would have gotten the heartache I deserved.
Fair enough, Book. I'm sure it goes both ways. I don't like the level of dishonesty that people engage in when it comes to adulterous affairs to the point where I choose to not even associate with people who cheat -- however, it takes all kinds. It's your life, not mine.
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Originally Posted by Book Lover 21
This is pretty true. I would never have married any of the guys I've had affairs with either. I was really just there for the sex. I was always very upfront about this and the fact that there was to be no mushy emotional entangements.
The nice thing about an affair is that you don't care about the same things. I've been with a successful attorney, a cop, a construction worker, a student, all walks of life. All I really cared about is that they were basically nice to me and good in bed and discreet. I didn't care if they had money or were "cute" or anything like that. It didn't matter because I knew it wasn't going anywhere. I have a family to go home to.
Did they consider me a skirt steak? Didn't really matter to me. If I was delusional/crazy enough to think that I had a future with any of them, I would have gotten the heartache I deserved.
Fair enough, Book. I'm sure it goes both ways. I don't like the level of dishonesty that people engage in when it comes to adulterous affairs to the point where I choose to not even associate with people who cheat -- however, it takes all kinds. It's your life, not mine.
ROFL! I'm sure that you actually DO associate with "people who cheat" and you simply don't know it. It's surprising (at least, it is to me) how many pillars of the community and their professions lead double lives.
I get a kick out of people who are really judgmental on this issue and love to generalize -- it reminds me of all of the crap I took when I was a single mum back in the '80s. One lady at church who loved to prattle on about putting "the cart before the horse" soon discovered that her own single daughter was pregnant. Oooops!
Be careful about roundly condemning and judging others -- the Universe (in my belief, God) seems to have a well-developed and utilized sense of humor and affinity for humbling people.
ROFL! I'm sure that you actually DO associate with "people who cheat" and you simply don't know it. It's surprising (at least, it is to me) how many pillars of the community and their professions lead double lives.
I get a kick out of people who are really judgmental on this issue and love to generalize -- it reminds me of all of the crap I took when I was a single mum back in the '80s. One lady at church who loved to prattle on about putting "the cart before the horse" soon discovered that her own single daughter was pregnant. Oooops!
Be careful about roundly condemning and judging others -- the Universe (in my belief, God) seems to have a well-developed and utilized sense of humor and affinity for humbling people.
while I don't know the previous poster or anything about him/her specifically, there is a valid point in what he/she said-- (& I apologize if I sound blunt or sensitive on this, as it's a subject which has had a really crappy impact on my own life): it's not about being "judgmental," but a person does have to "draw the line" re: what is a "live and let live" attitude toward other people and accepting it into one's own life...
I've found that if you make close associates/friends of people whose lifestyle/behavior you feel is wrong, you're often thought to be "just like them"-- and, in some instances, even expected to participate in that type of behavior.
ROFL! I'm sure that you actually DO associate with "people who cheat" and you simply don't know it. It's surprising (at least, it is to me) how many pillars of the community and their professions lead double lives.
I get a kick out of people who are really judgmental on this issue and love to generalize -- it reminds me of all of the crap I took when I was a single mum back in the '80s. One lady at church who loved to prattle on about putting "the cart before the horse" soon discovered that her own single daughter was pregnant. Oooops!
Be careful about roundly condemning and judging others -- the Universe (in my belief, God) seems to have a well-developed and utilized sense of humor and affinity for humbling people.
Oh lord, tea. Look, I used to think cheating was no big deal. I'm a pretty liberal guy with pretty liberal ideas about drug use, homosexuality, etc. People who are different than me fascinate me, and my usual response is to try to spend more time with them to get to know them and find out where they are coming from. However, my experience has been that people who cheat are well ... cheats. They're dishonest and dishonorable in other ways as well. Do I associate with people who cheat and I'm not aware of it? Sure. I bet I do. Do I associate with guys who sleep around on their wives openly and brag about it as if it's something to be proud of? Um, no. Do I associate with girls who fashion themselves "man stealers" and pride themselves in supposedly being able to take any man away from any woman. Um, no. I also don't associate with gang bangers (anymore, I did some growing up) or severe addicts.
Save your "don't judge" clucking for someone else. I make value judgements all the time. I don't mind, in fact I fully expect it, when others to make value judgements concerining me too. Judge all you want. Depending on the quality of your judgement, I'll take it and try to be a better person or leave it for the birds. Feel free to do the same.
Me personally, no, I wouldn't fool around with a married person. There are plenty of people out there for me to date so why deal with the drama, guilt or host of other potential problems. If they were going through a long divorce, had been separated for a long time and the papers were being finalized soon...then yeah, I'd be ok with that if it was someone I really liked and knew their situation etc.
As to how I would view cheaters? Depends on the situation. My buddy is in a sexless, loveless marriage for years now...I would be sympathetic to his situation if he had an affair....vs....a buddy that has a good wife and young son who just wants to have a little fun on the side. In the latter case, I would view the person as generally dishonest and would have difficulty having a close, trusting friendship with them.
Oh lord, tea. Look, I used to think cheating was no big deal. I'm a pretty liberal guy with pretty liberal ideas about drug use, homosexuality, etc. People who are different than me fascinate me, and my usual response is to try to spend more time with them to get to know them and find out where they are coming from. However, my experience has been that people who cheat are well ... cheats. They're dishonest and dishonorable in other ways as well. Do I associate with people who cheat and I'm not aware of it? Sure. I bet I do. Do I associate with guys who sleep around on their wives openly and brag about it as if it's something to be proud of? Um, no. Do I associate with girls who fashion themselves "man stealers" and pride themselves in supposedly being able to take any man away from any woman. Um, no. I also don't associate with gang bangers (anymore, I did some growing up) or severe addicts.
Save your "don't judge" clucking for someone else. I make value judgements all the time. I don't mind, in fact I fully expect it, when others to make value judgements concerining me too. Judge all you want. Depending on the quality of your judgement, I'll take it and try to be a better person or leave it for the birds. Feel free to do the same.
It's true. Everybody has their own vices. Personally, I don't do drugs, smoke, get drunk (an occassional glass of wine), cheat on my taxes, gamble...Heck, I don't even curse or run red lights! People who know me consider me scrupulously ethical.
I just have one weakness, and that's men. I absolutely adore men.
I can tell you this, though. Nobody I've been with has ever been caught. So, I feel like I have minimized the potential pain associated with my actions. As far as I know, no spouse of my lovers has ever found out. And I always ended it within a month to make sure no attachments develop.
I understand that it will be easy to judge me and my character. That's fine, it doesn't bother me.
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