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I will try to explain what _ I think _ DollEyes is like. I was listening to a public radio a few months ago, the topic was about living as a virgin, by choice or by circumstances. There was an older virgin regretting it, there was a younger virgin strongly feeling to stay that way until marriage - AND they invited a person who didn't understand the sexual attraction, she was calling herself asexual, so virginity was irrelevant to her. She was saying that she couldn't understand when people would say, "He/she is so hot, I could sleep with him/her right now."She said she never could understand how hotness could be appraised in a second. She said to form her opinion about a person, she had to talk to the person first, to get to know him, then decide if he was interesting to her.
I wanted to scream at the radio: "You fool, don't call yourself asexual, all you are is a person with an Asperger syndrome, who doesn't have those feelers of sensuality, those invisible rays that neurotypical people can pick up." Now I am not for a street diagnosis, but I think DollEyes mentioned that herself.
One can envy people with Aspergers in one sense: they will NOT fall foolishly for some kind of emotions. They will get to know the person for the face value, for that's all they know what to do. I think a lot of heartache would have been alleviated if other people approached mating with as sober evaluation tool as the Aspergers do.
If you (loves and others) get free from the "Ohmigosh, you don't have the capacity for the wonderful emotions!" and actually read her very sober view on relationships, you probably will realize that what she is saying is what you wish for your children in evaluating people and relationships and future. Black and white her views are, but she is taking the things for the face value - the very face value you preach sometimes to young people on this forum ("Look at what he does ad how he treats you, not what he says or promises." --- That's exactly what she is trying to say.)
this basically explains how A.S. people think. And you're right too, thinking "he is so hot I could do him right now," towards a stranger is puzzling. I draw the line at 'he is really cute.' LOL. I'm wondering if there's other A.S. people on here that can say they feel the same way about these things or different? Anyways, I notice a lot of these people on here go off of how they 'feel' about a person. I mean the ladies with the husbands I can tell by the way they write they are very caught up in the husbands (not saying this is good or bad) but wrapped up in them. That's where the disconnect is, I think, because it doesn't make any sense to me. Like when she says "I don't need to know where he is because I trust him." To me that is overboard -- I still needs to know where he is, if it were me. But I think (not sure) she says that b/c it's part of her emotional feelings about him ?
In a way the majority of these women are the more 'normal' in that they base things off of their emotions and so does most other people. When you don't think like that, people just write it off as cold or whatever (which I been called many times). I beleive it is just a different way of thinking though. I feel the men do not get all caught up in the women like the women do to them after marriage. To me it seem like if they are acting this way it is faking it.....
very caught up in the husbands (not saying this is good or bad) but wrapped up in them. That's where the disconnect is, I think, because it doesn't make any sense to me. Like when she says "I don't need to know where he is because I trust him." To me that is overboard -- I still needs to know where he is, if it were me. But I think (not sure) she says that b/c it's part of her emotional feelings about him ?
To me, it's basically trust from knowing a person for so many years. If a certain (loyal) behavior is repeated for hundred times and for years, it's safe to say that you can predict those (loyal) behaviors, right? Yes, anything is possible, but long-married couples have dispensed with distrust because they have invested into each other.
(I didn't read the pages of this thread, so I am not referring to any particular argument on here).
To me, it's basically trust from knowing a person for so many years. If a certain (loyal) behavior is repeated for hundred times and for years, it's safe to say that you can predict those (loyal) behaviors, right? Yes, anything is possible, but long-married couples have dispensed with distrust because they have invested into each other.
(I didn't read the pages of this thread, so I am not referring to any particular argument on here).
yes that's true, I guess if you have been seeing the same behaviors repeated over and over, then I understand. Southshore lady and lovemountains I think say they know their husband routines day in and day out but another woman said here again, 'i don't need to know his daily goings on,' or something to that effect. That's what I'm talking about -- that blind faith. I could not operate like that personally b/c it's my opinion that's when the males really go crazy in their behaviors b/c they know they have the trust on her end.
To me, it's basically trust from knowing a person for so many years. If a certain (loyal) behavior is repeated for hundred times and for years, it's safe to say that you can predict those (loyal) behaviors, right? Yes, anything is possible, but long-married couples have dispensed with distrust because they have invested into each other.
Exactly.
And I get that younger less experienced posters don't understand this kind of relationship.
I just would like to help at least one younger person reading here to believe in the wonderful possibilities that can await them when/if they find the right partner
yes that's true, I guess if you have been seeing the same behaviors repeated over and over, then I understand. Southshore lady and lovemountains I think say they know their husband routines day in and day out but another woman said here again, 'i don't need to know his daily goings on,' or something to that effect. That's what I'm talking about -- that blind faith. I could not operate like that personally b/c it's my opinion that's when the males really go crazy in their behaviors b/c they know they have the trust on her end.
I think your approach would drive me crazy. I understand that there is a time and place to possibly profile people- to suspect wrong doing based on some quality, but to have that be a 24/7 approach in life? It would make me miserable and I really don't see the point in it. It's not as if you can stop someone from cheating if that's what they want to do. You can't control anyone or thing but how you react. That's what this is about imo.
And I get that younger less experienced posters don't understand this kind of relationship.
I just would like to help at least one younger person reading here to believe in the wonderful possibilities that can await them when/if they find the right partner
I have a rescued cat and this conversation reminds me of her. Her name is Bella. She's a true blue scaredy cat. I took her into my home when she around 4 years old. She's been with me for 10 years now, so she's pretty old. She has spent her entire life with me hiding, usually under a chair in our guest bedroom. She comes out at night when we're sleeping to eat and drink. Sometimes she'll come out in the evening for some love/contact. She trusts nobody and is very cautious. Of course, it's all pretty pointless. We're not going to hurt her. She's wasting, imo, precious time she could spend playing, looking out the window, going outside if she wanted to, being scared instead.
I think your approach would drive me crazy. I understand that there is a time and place to possibly profile people- to suspect wrong doing based on some quality, but to have that be a 24/7 approach in life? It would make me miserable and I really don't see the point in it. It's not as if you can stop someone from cheating if that's what they want to do. You can't control anyone or thing but how you react. That's what this is about imo.
like i say, if the women say husbands behaviors are the same for 5 or 6 years straight then that is a different story. No you can't stop someone from cheating or control their behaviors, I know. but just throwing all caution to the wind doesn't work for me either. women that don't bother to check their husband whereabouts is just asking for it, IMO. you want to say what a happy existence your cat could have if she can just goes outside and live life. Well maybe she doesn't want to do that. maybe she just is waiting until it's all over with. some cats and people do this you know. Personally I am sick and tired of people and interacting with them and will be glad when this whole life is over with. it's nothing but a waste of time.
like i say, if the women say husbands behaviors are the same for 5 or 6 years straight then that is a different story. No you can't stop someone from cheating or control their behaviors, I know. but just throwing all caution to the wind doesn't work for me either. women that don't bother to check their husband whereabouts is just asking for it, IMO. you want to say what a happy existence your cat could have if she can just goes outside and live life. Well maybe she doesn't want to do that. maybe she just is waiting until it's all over with. some cats and people do this you know. Personally I am sick and tired of people and interacting with them and will be glad when this whole life is over with. it's nothing but a waste of time.
I'm really sorry you feel that way - there is so much to look forward to at your age!
I'm really sorry you feel that way - there is so much to look forward to at your age!
maybe to some people in my age group, but not to me there isn't anything. there's nothing left here for me.
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It all much so much more sense now, but thanks for typing all that out!
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