It's for those of us who like to dig deeper into the issues.
I found this (IMO) amazing blog today. Of course, I've come to these conclusions intuitively based on personal experience already and I've also read many bits and pieces from various sources (quite a few mentioned here); however, the age-old dilemma of whether to follow your logical thinking or heart (aka chemical substances produced by the brain) is summarized in a very insightful way!
View #1: The Repetition Compulsion in Intimate Relationships as a Self-Destructive Mechanism to Avoid and Overcome by Choosing Partners That Trigger Less Intense Chemistry
View #2: The Repetition Compulsion in Intimate Relationships as a Purposeful and Required Catalyst for Full Healing Through Mastering Resolution Skills with Partners That Initially Trigger Intense Chemistry
Choosing Intimate Partners: To Repeat or Not to Repeat?
Having experienced both, I absolutely agree life is smoother and easier following View #1, but I've always truly wanted to follow View #2...
I've read Hendrix's point of view before and have even posted some of it on a soulmate thread (definitely agree with him).
Yet, on the other hand, we have Harville Hendrix who takes a somewhat opposite view. He worries that the greater danger lies, in this day of broken marriages and homes, in the suggestion that highly intense relationships, once they encounter difficult challenges, be treated as disposable. He proclaims that we need instead to learn to stay in these relationships and intervene in the repetition process at a point within the relationship itself.
“They say that breaking up is hard to do, but that is wrong. It’s easy to walk away before the going gets tough, to find another dreamboat - until the ship starts to sink again. It’s waking up that’s hard to do.”
By working with our partner to practice and master previously unlearned resolution skills, he explains, we channel the energy of the predictable conflicts in such relationships - the very conflicts from which the other sources advise us to run - using them as mutual catalysts for growth and healing.
He goes on to say:
If, rather than assuming we are suddenly incompatible and leaving, we resolve these temporary, though difficult conflicts, we then grow out of the “power struggle” and achieve the third and final stage of the relationship, the “real love” stage.
In his view, paradoxically, a person with whom we experience this drastic shift in apparent compatibility, leading to a temporary phase of seeming incompatibility, is the only person with whom we really are ideally compatible.
The problem is the chances of finding such partners who are also willing and/or able to work with us on these issues and resolve them or are even aware of them are slim to none in reality; thus, the break-ups and the divorces. Some of us give up during the "power struggle" stage and keep repeating the same tango... others stay in unhappy relationships they can't fix on their own or even with help... yet others choose the easier road next time... Maybe the last group doesn't "grow" as much... Then again, who cares... as long as they're reasonably happy...
What is one to do really?! Sounds like a no-win situation to me!
It's a lot of reading, but I'm sure some will appreciate it.
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