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Thanks for the post... The last paragraph hits home the most and it's the most puzzling at the same time.
It's like all of us are searching for something or preoccupied with something and that causes us to spend our lives criss crossing each other but never really forming real bonds with anybody. It's almost as if it's a direct byproduct to modern life.
I say that because let a natural calamity occur and half the population gets wiped out well all off the sudden a job, a house or a car does not matter anymore and what does matter is the people who you ignored everyday.
I have a friend that despite my three moves still is in contact with me, and even after she remarried, is still my friend and came and visited me. We have gone through hard times together.
I know a lot of people dump their friends when they find someone, but as soon as that relationship is over, they want the friendship back again.
I know I can't ever retire, I don't have enough. I will just go to work one day and croak there.
That doesn't really bother me...what bothers me is going through life alone. I have been happy with my kids, but they are grown, and everyone thinks that should be enough for me, that I shouldn't want anything more, but again, that's married people telling me that...like I shouldn't want what they have.
I won't ever know what it's like to truly have a man as a friend and lover, or to be loved by a man, or to love one.
But if I can get really good at guitar, music may come close to all of that for me. Maybe then, I won't care!
I read in a book today that men live short hard lives then meet a violent death and women live long boring lives.- Lucifer Principle
Not directing that at you but you just reminded me of that passage when I read your post.
The one thing that I will say as a comment regarding your post is that here in America we don't value family or older people. In Asia and other parts of the world people are not as lonely as we are because family is very important and cherished.
For example, I'm inside a lot of homes and I just marvel at some of these huge homes that only house 1 or 2 people because the kids have grown up and bought homes 5 states away. Nobody thinks to convert the basement into a smaller house so money can be saved and the newly born children will never be alone because they have grandma/grandpa around.
This idea is happening anyway as I have been noticing more and more that my older customers are having there children move back in with them because there children have been laid off from work.
Last edited by Morphous01; 05-21-2009 at 09:58 PM..
I have to echo what most people said up in here - get involved in something you enjoy doing and start meeting like-minded people. Before you know it, you'll be having parties, cookputs and barbecues with everyone and somebody somewhere down the pike will bring you some eggnog. I would!!!
I moved all over as a kid, so no long-term friendships from childhood. And I moved away from my high school, to a different state, right after graduation. However, I am in the same area, and the friends I made after moving here, have stayed friends...some for 30 years. I've made some very good ones, mostly through my jobs, but some through family as well. But being a single mom, I'm not looking to go hang out with anyone on a regular basis either. I stay in touch with, and see pretty much all of my friends as often as we all can manage.
Family and just plain "growing up" certainly takes a toll on your time. That is a fact of life for sure. But thankfully, I enjoy my own company, and I'm so busy sometimes there isn't enough time to "miss" anyone.
You know, this is kind of hard for me to post; I mean, as a grown man sharing my true feelings to strangers who can pick at my situation like hyenas over scraps of food..lol But out of sharing my feelings I should be able to learn "something" rather then being stuck inside my head all the time trying to figure out problems on my own.
More or less, over the past 3 years I have developed this blanket of deep sadness/anger due to the fact that I have no true friends anymore. I did not grow up this way, as back in the 80's-90's I knew LOTS of people where the holidays were especially my favorite as I remember 3-4 families would come by our house with homemade egg nog and other things just to have a good time.
Fast-forward today, at the age of 29, and this is just cutting to the chase:
1. My best friend and a few other friends/family are deceased.
2. The friends who are alive that I get along with have NO TIME for anybody not even a F%%N e-mail as they have kids and mortgage payments.
3. Some people who I though where my friends turned out to be just business associates.
4. Some friends I know live unproductive lives (party’s, drinking, just hanging out) and I chose not to hang around those kind of people.
5. Others are just too bad as they live the street life.
So, at the end of the day, I'm alone and I'm constantly trying to figure out why as I share this place with some 6 billionother people! Yes, I know " it takes being a friend to have one" and trust me I'm OUT THERE in the streets meeting people as it's part of how I make money but in America I find that people around my age are just not interested in true friendships especially in this day and age when people are getting laid off left and right.
Anyhow, I'm just disappointed with available market of strangers as Americans are standoffish, rude and generally unconcerned with your well-being unless you can help THEM in some kind of way (even met a few on CD which is why I rarely add) so I'm back to square one.
Have fun picking at this post....lol
I *used* to have friends too.
I have some friends now, but they are all far away, from college even, but LIFE is DEVOID of people.
Part of this is ILL HEALTH, but I made bad mistake of moving and had whole town literally die, which was beyond my control.
People dont seem to care anymore. I thought I had made new friend at church and she blew me off, claiming she was sick, but then never called me when she got better. She had said we can go to lunch. Others just do not call me either. It is so hard. Everyone is SO BUSY, but with what? Are they even being social with anyone else.
My family all moved far away and WIDE SPREAD. and I am too sick and broke to go to any events. I wish to hell I never moved here with husband.
Husband has no real friends except one we see every 6 months--lives long distance, and only 1 living relative that never will visit us.
I want a divorce, but I am so lonely NOW, I dont know how I will handle the silent rooms of a DIVORCE, with no damn friends or family or people in my life.
If I was healthy Id go join a COMMUNE. Seriously. Like intentional community, I am so tired of being alone.
Even joining clubs, book club, churches, etc it just doesnt work anymore. That is what used to work for me. Here the people are antisocial and richer and dont want nothing to do with broke disabled person.
I pray to God, asking him WHY EVERYDAY?
I think biblically people are waxing cold.
I cant be the only lonely person on this planet. I complain alot on here, but I am not boring, and have many interests. I feel like I have the plague too.
I feel like giving up on even bothering with social life anymore.
I actually built one in old town, and everyone moved away. {I still talk to 4 of those friends, which have survived even 3 years long distant} {4 more on Facebook}
If one is just going to end up ALONE, what does it matter anymore? I really feel that way. All these people are passing ships in the night.
I feel like I can depend on my computer more then anyone else actually being around.
I try to do art work, walk, read a lot of books, look at scenery go online, I think part of me has given up.
All my friends like from college are ALONE too, well one has her family around her, one pored self into work. [We live long distant] This society sucks.
For what it's worth...after my divorce, I moved back to my childhood town (now a city) where I grew up. All the friends I had in high school and in my twenties have moved from the area.
I have some friends, though not close, from my support group.
I work, and attend a community college nearby. My classes finished, and even the women in that class that I made friends with (two near my age, one in her twenties) want to stay in touch.
I live in an apartment building, and except for the building manager, I couldn't tell you who my neighbors are. People keep to themselves and aren't very expansive or even make eye contact when we walk towards each other.
I'm not on Myspace or Facebook. My reasoning is, if you didn't like me in high school, how could you possibly like me now?
My boyfriend is friendly with people at his work, trouble is, he works 55 miles from where we live. It is hard to make friendships work when you live far from each other and don't frequent the same stores, theaters, gas stations, etc.
I think what I do to survive loneliness is I try to gravitate towards friendly people at my work, in my support group and in my college classes. No one place meets all my needs. But together, they are making me whole. They help my self-esteem and self-worth. Also, I find, when one is busy and tired, there is almost no time to feel friendless or lonely.
Maybe my boyfriend and I aren't attending fabulous parties, driving the Beemer or the Lexus, living in the McMansion, wearing the most exclusive fashions. But we are paying our bills. I am saving a little for the future. We are both employed. We're happy with what we have. Sure, we'd like to have more. I don't know if we'll ever have more. I wish I had more friends, and I wish we had some "couple" friends. Maybe in the future? I can only hope. But I'm not obsessively wishing.
Last edited by cricket_factor; 05-22-2009 at 11:53 AM..
I'm not on Myspace or Facebook. My reasoning is, if you didn't like me in high school, how could you possibly like me now?
Yea, I agree and I'm not on any of those pages either as the most the net will get out of me is this CD.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cricket_factor
My boyfriend is friendly with people at his work, trouble is, he works 55 miles from where we live. It is hard to make friendships work when you live far from each other and don't frequent the same stores, theaters, gas stations, etc.
Before I looked at your location I said she is in Cali and sure enough I was right... I use to live out there and there are lots of people driving that far because its the only way they can afford a home by buying way out in the desert. Anyhow, I completely understand your wish to have more company.
I try to do art work, walk, read a lot of books, look at scenery go online, I think part of me has given up.
All my friends like from college are ALONE too, well one has her family around her, one pored self into work. [We live long distant] This society sucks.
Yes, I think this society does suck because regardless if you are doing well or not the way I see it is that many people wind up alone later in there lives with no family or community/village support.
Make no mistake about it, a life of solitude is mild sensory deprivation which is why we feel unhappy as it's our body's way of telling us something is wrong.
You know, this is kind of hard for me to post; I mean, as a grown man sharing my true feelings to strangers who can pick at my situation like hyenas over scraps of food..lol But out of sharing my feelings I should be able to learn "something" rather then being stuck inside my head all the time trying to figure out problems on my own.
More or less, over the past 3 years I have developed this blanket of deep sadness/anger due to the fact that I have no true friends anymore. I did not grow up this way, as back in the 80's-90's I knew LOTS of people where the holidays were especially my favorite as I remember 3-4 families would come by our house with homemade egg nog and other things just to have a good time.
Fast-forward today, at the age of 29, and this is just cutting to the chase:
1. My best friend and a few other friends/family are deceased.
2. The friends who are alive that I get along with have NO TIME for anybody not even a F%%N e-mail as they have kids and mortgage payments.
3. Some people who I though where my friends turned out to be just business associates.
4. Some friends I know live unproductive lives (party’s, drinking, just hanging out) and I chose not to hang around those kind of people.
5. Others are just too bad as they live the street life.
So, at the end of the day, I'm alone and I'm constantly trying to figure out why as I share this place with some 6 billionother people! Yes, I know " it takes being a friend to have one" and trust me I'm OUT THERE in the streets meeting people as it's part of how I make money but in America I find that people around my age are just not interested in true friendships especially in this day and age when people are getting laid off left and right.
Anyhow, I'm just disappointed with available market of strangers as Americans are standoffish, rude and generally unconcerned with your well-being unless you can help THEM in some kind of way (even met a few on CD which is why I rarely add) so I'm back to square one.
Have fun picking at this post....lol
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