Good on Paper (dating, soulmates, marriage, women)
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Anyone ever date someone who's good on paper (guy or girl) but there was no connection? The good on paper person supposedly has everything that a person is looking for, looks, smarts, personality, etc.
I'm dating someone who's great on paper, only there's no spark. Should i keep dating him in the hopes of sparks flying someday? I don't want to waste his or my time if it's not going to happen. Anyone ever in the same position? What did/would you do?
Anyone ever date someone who's good on paper (guy or girl) but there was no connection? The good on paper person supposedly has everything that a person is looking for, looks, smarts, personality, etc.
I'm dating someone who's great on paper, only there's no spark. Should i keep dating him in the hopes of sparks flying someday? I don't want to waste his or my time if it's not going to happen. Anyone ever in the same position? What did/would you do?
I just posted a similar story... I met a women who has her own home, a car, a job, no kids, and a degree. Both of us are interested in a relationship and we have talked a few times but sadly there is just no spark or chemistry between the two of us.
She finds me "different" (whatever that means) and risky because i'm an entrepreneur and I find her boring and very sheltered as she has no life experience outside of school so it's kind of mutual we don't call each other anymore..lol
Yes, I've dated a man like that. We were together for a few months. It took a few months to break up. We really cared about eachother though and didn't want to lose our friendship. We fought for a year or so lol and then became best friends. He was my man of honor at my wedding. His mom was there too! She rocks. We've been friends for years and years. I know this is an unlikley turnout for most. I guess I was lucky.
thats what happens when you end up with a nice guy...
Nice guys are fine by me. I grew out of the "bad boy" stage over 20yrs ago, so that's not the problem. The problem is that it's very hard to hold a normal, easy flowing conversation w/him. In the beginning they were, but the more we talk on the phone and hangout, it almost seems like the conversations are forced. I know I'm a blabbermouth, so i've been good about not overtalking and allowing him to start conversations and so on, but when he's given the opportunity, there's total silence. I also admit, as a NY'er, i like bantering back and forth w/cynical jokes and such. He seems to be very repressed, like he has to think about what he wants to say before he says it so he can sound good instead of just shooting the s**t. It's very uncomfortable.
What's even crazier is that he's REALLY good looking, but i'm not attracted AT ALL b/c of the lack of a connection and that back and forth that i need to get into someone. I've been trying to get it going, but it's just not working. I'm thinking he would probably be a better friend than a romantic interest, but i have friends that think maybe he'll grow on me.
I just posted a similar story... I met a women who has her own home, a car, a job, no kids, and a degree. Both of us are interested in a relationship and we have talked a few times but sadly there is just no spark or chemistry between the two of us.
She finds me "different" (whatever that means) and risky because i'm an entrepreneur and I find her boring and very sheltered as she has no life experience outside of school so it's kind of mutual we don't call each other anymore..lol
BINGO! I find him very boring too. Which is weird b/c like i said, our very 1st conversation was great, and so was our 1st date. But it's all gone downhill. Either he says nothing, or what he says is so random that i have to bite my lip not to say something mean in response, like "WTF?" I guess there's no chance of that changing..
I've done this a lot. It makes sense in theory, but in reality you just don't mesh. You can't have a relationship "on paper", so just move on!
Oh, and I've found one reason can be that you are both too much alike, so it's boring. Another is simply a lack of spark, that x factor that can't be defined.
Anyone ever date someone who's good on paper (guy or girl) but there was no connection? The good on paper person supposedly has everything that a person is looking for, looks, smarts, personality, etc.
I'm dating someone who's great on paper, only there's no spark. Should i keep dating him in the hopes of sparks flying someday? I don't want to waste his or my time if it's not going to happen. Anyone ever in the same position? What did/would you do?
Ppl date, connect, & commit for different reasons. It depends on what's important to *you*.
I have a friend who met someone online just four months ago and although she says she isn't really physically attracted to him, that she loves everything else about him as a person and believes that attraction will grow in time. As long as I've known her, she's been desperate to marry, and now she's really excited about it, and he's thrilled.
I've known others who weren't "in love" in their marriages who married for financial stability or bc they wanted to have children. I read an article recently that discussed the societal changes in the last 60 years or so during which time women have become more independent, thus less interested in marrying for traditional reasons (stability, family, sex) and more interested in holding out for those emotional connections of "falling in love", marrying "for love", etc. I've dated and rec'd multiple marriage proposals from more than a couple of men, but in the end, an LTR for me would be a marital commitment for life. A lot of ppl simply desire to "fall in love" and hope it will "work out" for them, but in the end "fall out of love" and leave (or stay & live miserable or tolerable, disconnected lives).
I saw a special about Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis in which she was quoted as saying that a woman marries three times in life: the first time for love, the second time for money, and the third time for companionship. I guess some of us just end up missing the first and second times... I dated a man years ago - we were young pen pals who grew as soulmates but in the end simply did not end up together. That would have been my "marrying for love", but I am still holding out... "for the rest of your life" is a long time to be married to someone with whom you have no physical attraction - if that is important to you. For some folks it is not. For some it is extremely significant.
Someone once told me, "Follow your heart, and you won't go wrong." I'm more one to let my head guide my heart - a relationship needs to make sense to me before I have love feelings for someone (different from physical attraction). Imo the latter is an expression of the former, but some ppl enjoy the physical without wanting or desiring to feel any attachment or commitment. It's good to ask questions, but in the end really listen to what your own heart & head are telling you, then follow...
I believe that everything turns out for the best in the long run, & I'm sure you'll make the right decision for yourself if you have not already done so.
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Follow your heart...
I dated a man years ago - we were young pen pals who grew as soulmates but in the end simply did not end up together. That would have been my "marrying for love", but I am still holding out... "for the rest of your life" is a long time to be married to someone with whom you have no physical attraction - if that is important to you. For some folks it is not. For some it is extremely significant.
