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Well, I might sound harsh, but the reason so many seemly great women remain single in New York is they usually only look for Wall Street bachelors who could buy her Porsche as birthday present. They might be better-looking, better-educated and having better taste in clothing, they also are much more materialistic. They'll tell you they want nothing more than a honest, decent guy who wants to commit and whom she could connect with. But fact of matter is her ambiguous requirement defined by "connection" or "feeling" or some other female gibberish terms usually means guys need to have more, a lot more actual physical stuff and ability to acquire stuff to "connect" with her. How many times do you see a woman lay out her requirement for boyfriend or husband in unambiguous terms without the hard-to-define caveat? I see so many of them in big cities, not just in American big cities. Why are they alone and less pretty women in some in the middle of nowhere town aren't? Because in the middle of nowhere women actually want a honest decent guy as opposed to a honest decent director of Goldman Sachs. Of course, they will vigorously deny it or at best accuse you of being sexist for denying woman's rights to pursue her "happiness" based on what she wants while men can demand beauty from women without being accused of being a gold-digger. Well, I'm not saying you're a gold-digger, even if you were a gold-digger, I see nothing wrong with it, we are humans, not saints. What I'm saying is there are hundreds of millions of pretty women in the world, how many investment bankers do you think are out there? It won't hurt you to use your education for once, take a look into the mirror and do some calculation of your odds.
This is an older thread but I thought I'd chime in since most peoples replies are hearsay and guesses.
Being a transplant living in New York from boston I can personally explain why there are so many single women in NYC.
1) 70% of ads looking for apartment shares explicitly state "FEMALE ONLY" just look on craigslist for yourself. That means a guy finding a share in Manhattan is at a severe disadvantage. And if all those apartments say "Female Only" then you can rest assured there are females dominating most buildings.
2) Severe competition.
In most cities there are only a handful of "trophy, model, 10's, etc" and they usually go for the guy with the nice car, house, money, muscles, etc. That leaves the "average" girls who, because their model counterparts are unavailable make excessive demands and are very picky themselves. So dating is a real challenge even with a 6.
In New York its quite a different story. Women that actually live here are constantly, year round, competing with millions of european, latin, russian, etc women literally by the busloads daily. These worldly women may be average in russia but are supermodels here. Because of that they don't have the attitude, conceit, and game playing like their american counterparts. And are therefore easy to talk to.
This actually makes the american girls more down to earth and friendlier and willing to give anyone a chance.
3) No one talks to them
In a normal city a hot girl will get hit on about 10 times just on her way to work. At the gas station, mini-mart, starbucks, the subway, etc. Here in New York you can be a perfect 10 and no one will approach you the whole week. I see countless hot girls just standing there at the clubs waiting for a guy to approach them... and none do.
When you put all this together you find that the men are truly at an advantage in this arena. Girls here are much more forward in what they want "lets go back to your place" is almost as common as "hello"
So I have an account with match.com and under the advice of Rachel Greenwald (author of find a Husband after 35-great book) I wanted to take a peek at women's profiles on that site. Decided to try different regions. It was interesting to note that the women in New York are very highly educated, successful, attractive and sophisticated, yet ALL of them had never been married and some were into their late 30s. Chicago women are about the same way. I think Yankee women really have a lot to offer. It seems like women in Georgia who have much less to offer (by comparison) get all the men. (I don't mean that Southern women have nothing to offer-they can sure cook and "flirt" good-I just mean that NY women were unsurpassed.) If you don't believe me, why is it that the average dumpy woman in a muu-muu at the supermarket in the "Southern world"-always has a wedding ring on? I feel bad for single women in big cities. How can they have so much to offer and be so unable to find a mate? They also check "definetely" and "someday" under "want kids?" Sad.
They're already married--to their careers. If they don't have the time to offer, then whatever else they offer doesn't mean anything.
Old thread, but as a single "older" woman in NYC I've been thinking about this a lot lately, so I'm putting in my two cents if only as an exercise for myself about why there are so many single women in NYC.
1. We have inflated egos. New York attracts a lot of transplants who tend to be in the upper tier of our hometowns. The smarter women, the better looking women, the more educated women are here. Those who were hot ***** in Smalltown USA are just average here but we can't face reality. We have a hard time figuring that out, especially when we can look at our classmates on places like Facebook and view their lives as "less than" our own because they are chubby and seemingly have boring lives. We want to rely on "status" for happiness and don't notice the fact that the fat girl we are looking down on is a hell of a lot happier than we are. We also believe that our status should be attractive to a man, but they really don't care about our job title or education.
2. We have a strong sense of entitlement. We started hearing as little girls that WE CAN HAVE IT ALL, a career, a family, a great husband, everything we want. Guess what, we don't get to pick the time table. Nobody gets to have everything they want. If you focus on one, there is a good chance the others won't happen. I've never heard of a CEO who was also a perfect mom. `
3. We want a man who is successful. NYC different than almost all other US cities in that four different financial statuses are in a tiny area and we do see each other all the time. Low income, middle income, higher income, and stupid rich are all here and we see each other every day. It is very easy to envy the next person's lifestyle even if you swear that isn't the case.
I have never considered myself a gold digger and I have never been one of those gals who pushes for gifts and such... but still, I like to go out for a nice dinner, and here that is well over $100 for two -- by my standards. and if I were into handbags and purses? Forget it! The thing is with those guys who make enough money to indulge gals, they swap women out every month or so, because they can afford to do so.
Yes, I can make a list of what is wrong with the men here. But if I don't have my own act together, I am only seeing the "high profile" men and am missing out on the quiet good ones. so why harp on the men, when I can work on myself?
Well, I might sound harsh, but the reason so many seemly great women remain single in New York is they usually only look for Wall Street bachelors who could buy her Porsche as birthday present. They might be better-looking, better-educated and having better taste in clothing, they also are much more materialistic. They'll tell you they want nothing more than a honest, decent guy who wants to commit and whom she could connect with. But fact of matter is her ambiguous requirement defined by "connection" or "feeling" or some other female gibberish terms usually means guys need to have more, a lot more actual physical stuff and ability to acquire stuff to "connect" with her. How many times do you see a woman lay out her requirement for boyfriend or husband in unambiguous terms without the hard-to-define caveat? I see so many of them in big cities, not just in American big cities. Why are they alone and less pretty women in some in the middle of nowhere town aren't? Because in the middle of nowhere women actually want a honest decent guy as opposed to a honest decent director of Goldman Sachs. Of course, they will vigorously deny it or at best accuse you of being sexist for denying woman's rights to pursue her "happiness" based on what she wants while men can demand beauty from women without being accused of being a gold-digger. Well, I'm not saying you're a gold-digger, even if you were a gold-digger, I see nothing wrong with it, we are humans, not saints. What I'm saying is there are hundreds of millions of pretty women in the world, how many investment bankers do you think are out there? It won't hurt you to use your education for once, take a look into the mirror and do some calculation of your odds.
This post actually nails it. It's the same in big cities all over the world. I'd much rather be with a honest decent hard working small town girl who appreciates and respects her man, rather than a snobby elitist up-their-own-arse girl who has a requirement list longer than my arm.
Not all of us men are like this, but unfortunately too many are. IMO, one of the big problems with cities like NY, Chicago, and Boston is that they're so fast-paced and hectic that people don't have the time or energy to really meet anyone. You get up early, sit on the train for an hour, spend 9 or 10 hours at a job that has you busting your behind to pay for the ridiculous cost of living, sit on the train for another hour to get home, and if you don't go to the gym, you get home and just collapse. You don't have the energy to socialize so you just crash in front of the TV. I have friends in these cities and this is how it is for all of them. Maybe that's why people in more laid-back cities get married sooner. They have more time and energy to meet people and devote to a relationship.
Not all of us men are like this, but unfortunately too many are. IMO, one of the big problems with cities like NY, Chicago, and Boston is that they're so fast-paced and hectic that people don't have the time or energy to really meet anyone. You get up early, sit on the train for an hour, spend 9 or 10 hours at a job that has you busting your behind to pay for the ridiculous cost of living, sit on the train for another hour to get home, and if you don't go to the gym, you get home and just collapse. You don't have the energy to socialize so you just crash in front of the TV. I have friends in these cities and this is how it is for all of them. Maybe that's why people in more laid-back cities get married sooner. They have more time and energy to meet people and devote to a relationship.
Holy crap.. You mean it doesn't have to be this way? I thought I suffered from some kind of fatigue syndrome collapsing after work.. But apparently I happen to live in Boston and New York and thats the problem!
So I have an account with match.com and under the advice of Rachel Greenwald (author of find a Husband after 35-great book) I wanted to take a peek at women's profiles on that site. Decided to try different regions. It was interesting to note that the women in New York are very highly educated, successful, attractive and sophisticated, yet ALL of them had never been married and some were into their late 30s. Chicago women are about the same way. I think Yankee women really have a lot to offer. It seems like women in Georgia who have much less to offer (by comparison) get all the men. (I don't mean that Southern women have nothing to offer-they can sure cook and "flirt" good-I just mean that NY women were unsurpassed.) If you don't believe me, why is it that the average dumpy woman in a muu-muu at the supermarket in the "Southern world"-always has a wedding ring on? I feel bad for single women in big cities. How can they have so much to offer and be so unable to find a mate? They also check "definetely" and "someday" under "want kids?" Sad.
Well, I'm not sure, I don't really have a theory, but my guess is that many of them care a lot about their careers. Working in New York City is tough. Many jobs require long hours and dedication. I worked in a demanding fashion industry for many years with women who were mostly single. They would work long hours and then go out late at night. They did have a wild social life, but wouldn't hang out much at the places where you can potentially meet a long term partner. There are a lot of choices as well, it's weird, because the dating market in New York (in my opinion) is better then in many other places in US.
I don't think it's because New York women are unable, I think it's because they are just not in the rush. They get married later in life. Also, the fact that they become successful so early in life limits their market because an average man doesnt want a woman who makes more money and more career-oriented than him.
And for those who say that they are gold-diggers, I found that to be the opposite actually. They are educated enough and make enough money to support themselves. Much more so then in South Florida for example.
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Not too late
