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I have been and are in a lot of one sided friendships. I always seem to be the one to call, text, e-mail, etc., my friends first. If i want to spend time with them, I have to be the one to always make the plans. It seems like the only time they talk to me is when they are super bored or it is convenient for them. One of these people considers me his best friend yet he very rarely invities me to do anything and never calls but then when he finally calls or we get together, he always asks why he never sees me. People like this amaze me. Phone works both ways! so does e-mail, text, etc. Sometimes when my so called "friends" return my calls, or e-mails or whatever, I wonder if they are really concerned about my life and really wanna talk to me. I figured if they did then they would just call me first. Sometimes I just wonder if maybe they are too busy for me to be in their life. I stay around in these friendships because if I didnt, I probably would have just these online friends i have and very few real life friends. It is so hard to make friends because people do not approach me to try to be my friend unless they wanna date me and when it does not work out or you are not interested ..well, you know how that goes
when i was in my 20's. It wasn't so much things i did for the friend or what he didn't do for me but rather that everything was about him, he was very competitive and turned everything i said around to make himself right and me either wrong or totally worthless. Everything was about how his father was so successful and how he was going to follow in his footsteps, never asking or acknowledging anything about my folks (all good friends ask occasionally about your folks), leaving me thinking 'what am i chopped liver?'. When i was having problems in school he was unsympathetic and distorted everything. he used to make these little snipes at me for being sexually inactive at the time when he was having sex(and got his girlfriend pregnant and had to marry her), finally i had had enough. After i ended it my life started turning around for the better, including no more problems in school.
My daughter in Az is one of those. I think the only reason her lazy husband doesnt leave her is because he doesnt want to be nailed for child support. She does everything. Works. Spends quality time with the kids. Bathes them. Feeds them. He spends his days playing internet games or sleeping. Their kids suffer.
I am so sorry to hear this. I have heard many stories like this and my heart truly goes out to the kids....because they are the ones who suffer the most. Every kid needs to have mom and dad interactions...not just one. If I was your daughter, I would leave him because there are much better people out there. It is amazing how many people are addicted to video/internet games though.
Have you ever felt like you were the only one putting all the time,effort,money and alot of emotional investment into trying to make things work well and have a good and happy relationship or friendship with someone while the other person doesn't put much if anything into it?
To me a "One Sided" relationship/friendship is where one person puts all the work into it while the other person just tends to use that person and reaps all the benefits but does nothing in regards to contribrute to that relationship/friendship.
People are afraid of being alone. I am dealing with this myself to a degree. Sometimes it can sneak up on you too, where other person is equal partner but then relationship deriorates. Sometimes illness and other problems can come where you fail to be able to provide as much anymore. There are a lot of people too where I have to call. What is weird, I called one of those type friends, and she cried to me about never hearing from anyone, I asked her DO YOU ever CALL? I think that friendship has finally died, I wanted to keep it going but her lack of participation has killed it.
Dont go to empty wells waste of time. There are many people I am polite to, and do the standard birthday card stuff with but I refuse to chase people down anymore, I am too old. A lot of people just dont seem to have time for anyone anymore. It is sad.
people also stay around because they feel as though they have put too much work into this relationship and have invested too much into a relationship that it feels discouraging to start again from the beginning with someone else.
Have you ever felt like you were the only one putting all the time,effort,money and alot of emotional investment into trying to make things work well and have a good and happy relationship or friendship with someone while the other person doesn't put much if anything into it?
Yep. Did that for a while in my late teens, and never since. At its root, I think it was a perception that a certain group of people were "cool," that I should make some sort of sacrifice to hang out with them, and that all these other people who liked me - they were not cool enough.
I tried to consciously, actively "not care", but it made no difference - as long as I held this perception, I was still an unhappy little wannabe social climber. Once I reached the root of the problem, changed my priorities and what it means to be 'cool' entirely, it was a huge weight off my shoulders. I've been much happier ever since.
When it comes to the opposite sex, though, I suppose I have a different perspective entirely. If it feels one-sided I have always been quick to drop the other person immediately.
Have you ever felt like you were the only one putting all the time,effort,money and alot of emotional investment into trying to make things work well and have a good and happy relationship or friendship with someone while the other person doesn't put much if anything into it?
To me a "One Sided" relationship/friendship is where one person puts all the work into it while the other person just tends to use that person and reaps all the benefits but does nothing in regards to contribrute to that relationship/friendship.
Yep.
Hung out with a buddy of mine for about a year. I would stop by, call and do everything. I realized that it was a one way street and stopped calling and stopping by. Never heard from him for about a year. Then I guess it dawned on him that I wasn't around. It only took a year.
Have you ever felt like you were the only one putting all the time,effort,money and alot of emotional investment into trying to make things work well and have a good and happy relationship or friendship with someone while the other person doesn't put much if anything into it?
To me a "One Sided" relationship/friendship is where one person puts all the work into it while the other person just tends to use that person and reaps all the benefits but does nothing in regards to contribrute to that relationship/friendship.
I have and I've learned to not tolerate such relationships. I wrote about this in another thread I started about being taken for granted. Any relationship requires hard work and if you feel like you're trying harder than the other person, then that probably means you value the relationship more. If that's the case, you're better off walking away.
Three good tests of if you're in a one-sided relationship:
1) If the conversation is about your friend all the time, bring up something that's going on in your life. If the other person listens politely for twenty seconds, and then swings the conversation back to their fabulous life, then that's what you have on your hands.
2) The Foolproof Waiter Test. In the beginning of a relationship, any kind of relationship, watch how the other person treats the waiter. In six months, that's how that person will be treating you.
3) If the person only calls you when they want something, then drop the relationship as quickly as you can.
I just got rid of about 10 friends that were like that. VERY one-sided relationships. I can't believe it took me 4 looooong years to figure it out... I always thought I was smarter than that. They used me, they used my house, they were slobs (leaving beer bottles, trash etc. everywhere) etc. and I always wondered why I was never invited over to their places for parties and bbqs... turns out they really didn't like me all that much (I'm not 5'5 and blonde) but LOVED my house and backyard.
It's been about 4 months since I cut off all contact with that group of people.. I moved and didn't tell anyone where I moved to, and I'm in the process of changing my phone number. Never again will I be involved with such self centered a-holes ever again. I'd rather be alone than deal with that.
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I had one of those
