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I need advice on when to know when to walk away from a relationship. I am currently in a long term relationship but have been having a hard time lately. On top of the usual, financial, family, issues, there are smaller issues that just seem to explode into huge arguments. The times when we are not arguing or angry with each other is great, we laugh, we hug, we tell eachother we love eachother, do things for eachother, but when its bad, there is arguing, yelling, cussing, calling names. I am at a loss, I know relationships take work, but....... - Any insight will help. Thank you!!
My first question would be: how old are the 2 of you. I've seen relationships just like yours; and sorry to say those with the 2 hi/lo extremes like that didn't work out. Going from fighting to cuddling and back doesn't make a good relationship. If you are younger, and not fully happy, why not move on? If you are older, then you may decide to ride it out. If the rough spots have been just recently, then a little extra work may take care of them. But if they have been on for awhile, I am not sure if they are past being repaired, without both making some serious adjustments in how you go about things.
I have been married for 23 yrs now, happily for most of them and any rough spots were early on ( many due to finances, etc like lots of other couples deal with ). But to be honest, I couldn't imagine not being in a happy relationship now. I grew up in a terrible situation, and vowed never to live like that as an adult. I won't even yell or argue with my spouse; the issues from my childhood are too strong to ever put my wife or family in those same situations...
If I wasn't happy the majority of my time with my wife, it wouldn't have lasted this long. Life is too short not to search for and find happiness and love.
I hope i didn't step out of line at all, just wanted to drop my opinion. Good luck in however this works out for you.
ranger17 gave some superb advice here. Those kind of ups and downs just don't make for a good meaningful relationship in the long run. You might want to try the relationship forum too.
Dear Confused03, I can really relate to your situation, and to put it mildly, it sucks. I got out of a relationship similar to yours six years ago, but I did try very hard to stay and work it out before I made the decision to leave. When a relationship is as "intense" as yours, what you really can't see is your own happiness because it is clouded by the constant struggle of trying to find that "middle ground" of subduing the chaos. First of all, cussing, name calling, screaming, and all of that sort of stuff is abusive to you, your mate, and everyone involved at the time (i.e. kids, pets, friends...) These smaller issues you have...do they have anything to do with trust? If it is, then it is not a small issue it is a big one. No matter what the small issues are...if they were truly small, and you were in a healthy relationship, then you and your mate would be able to work it out with minimal conflict. Don't get me wrong...all relationships have conflict. What makes the difference is how you deal with it. I would suggest conflict resolution skill counseling if you want to remain together. Of course, this is something both sides have to be committed to in order for it to work. In my case, both sides were not committed and the more I tried to "fight nice" the more angry he became. After I finally realized that he was not committed to the relationship because of his own behavior, and because I was finally calm and grounded enough to really look inside my own heart, I realized that I did not love him. Now that I can look back at this whole thing, I can see that I was "addicted" (if you will) to those heightened moments of intense joy I felt when we were in that "kissy huggy" stage.Now, I am in a relationship that I know is a healthy one. Resolving issues, conflicts, and other tense moments are part of our love for each other. We have set boundaries and 'rules' to resolve our issues, and since we are both commited to each other, it works!! We have been together for only three years, and the majority of our moments togehter are spent enjoying each other because that is what we BOTH WANT! We don't "power play" each other, and that is important too. I wish you the best of luck...Please do yourself a favor...pursue happiness...I did and I never looked back.
Chrissie
on my opinion, it maybe lil things or big arguments its a part of having a relationship. And if you both tend to make out after rough argument, it only shows you both have love and respect for each other even though you both dont talk bout it or sorry bout what happened, you both seem have ways to show you both still need to be together through making out after rough arguments well and good. Arguments in this situation is just a freedom of speech between couples showing each others opinion on matters. Coz no couples tends to have the same opinion there is always an argument.
********************* peace *************************
(The worst is falling out of love. There will be no arguments but one tends to shut up and close the door instead. one parties dont want to argue bout a problem or matters regarding relationship.)
The times when we are not arguing or angry with each other is great, we laugh, we hug, we tell eachother we love eachother, do things for eachother, but when its bad, there is arguing, yelling, cussing, calling names. I am at a loss, I know relationships take work, but....... - Any insight will help. Thank you!!
I think the above answers it.
1) Relationships take work, but there's a limit to what normal work is to get a relationship to grow, and a full time job avoiding plates being thrown at each other. When it gets to name calling, then sorry, that's not work - that's something else.
Just my opinion as I pass through the room.
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