Are there any people here in the Relationships forum who are single and dating in midlife? (wife, boyfriend)
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What has this been like for you? Are you dating people close to your own age, or have you tried dating younger people? Do you ever see yourself getting married again?
I'm 40. This is probably one of the best times in my life. I've never been married and hope to be someday, but I'm also happy being alone. In fact, I really enjoy my solitude so I'm not sure when marriage will be a fit.
I don't see me dating someone younger. I've always been drawn to older men. Of course at 50, I may start dating someone my age if I'm still single. I think 40 is still too young for me at this point.
I'm not in my 40s yet but I'm almost there. I'm dating younger, primarily because many people around my age are married. I have no problem with being single at my age...it's my friends and family that take issue with it. I'm tired of having my sexuality questioned, tired of people thinking something is wrong with me because I'm single. Tired of hearing 'you're too pretty to be single'; looks have nothing to do with it. I will marry again someday. I know there are things I need to work on to make sure my next marriage is forever. I'm also not going to waste someone's time knowing I'm not serious right now...which is why I'm single.
Hey, thanks for the quick and honest responses. Really appreciate it.
My story: I am forty-seven. At this point in my life, I feel more myself and more in my own power, so to speak, and my own joy. I am really enjoying myself as a single person, although I would like to marry again one day. I've been married before, so I am not in a hurry, knowing that a marriage will work only if both people are on the same wavelength. I like my freedom, and I like my work and artistic projects. My partner in life would have to understand that I am not "Suzie Homemaker." Not that there is anything wrong with being a homemaker; it's just not my calling.
Dating is starting to bore me, but I am not willing to give up my freedom to the wrong person.
I posted this question because I want to read the stories of other single adults in midlife.
I'm in my 60s so not in your "midlife" category but have been single since I was 39 so can draw from my midlife experiences if that's any help! From 39 to late 50's I dated quite frequently and with a few exceptions they were men younger than I. Not HUGE age gaps and no particular reason, they were just people I was attracted to.
Although perfectly capable and at ease being solo at social affairs, there were several occasions when I had to attend functions which pretty much required an escort and, if I wasn't dating someone at the time, I would enlist either the husband of a friend or a handsome gay pal as an escort!
My last serious relationship ended a few years ago (we're the best of friends now even though the relationship didn't work out) and I rarely date now. I do work very hard, four days a week of 14-16 hour days so really cherish those three days I have off to refuel and be as sociable or unsociable as I feel like being. I enjoy the company of friends, love to entertain and be entertained but I rather doubt that any significant other is going to pop in at this juncture - and that doesn't bother me in the least. I still get dating opportunities once in a while but only accept if I know I'll enjoy the person's company as it would be a total waste of time to spend an evening with a boring twit. Cheers and good luck "transitioning!"
I'm in my 60s so not in your "midlife" category but have been single since I was 39 so can draw from my midlife experiences if that's any help! From 39 to late 50's I dated quite frequently and with a few exceptions they were men younger than I. Not HUGE age gaps and no particular reason, they were just people I was attracted to.
Although perfectly capable and at ease being solo at social affairs, there were several occasions when I had to attend functions which pretty much required an escort and, if I wasn't dating someone at the time, I would enlist either the husband of a friend or a handsome gay pal as an escort!
I stopped "dating" a few years ago but there was nothing momentous about it - it just sort of dwindled. I do work very hard, four days a week of 14-16 hour days so really cherish those three days I have off to refuel and be as sociable or unsociable as I feel like being. I enjoy the company of friends, love to entertain and be entertained but I rather doubt that any significant other is going to pop in at this juncture - and that doesn't bother me in the least. I still get dating opportunities once in a while but only accept if I know I'll enjoy the person's company as it would be a total waste of time to spend an evening with a boring twit. Cheers and good luck "transitioning!"
Thanks for sharing. Oh yeah... What a beautiful transition it is: the miracle of midlife. "Freedom, O Freedom..."
Everyone, STT Resident makes a good point. Feel free to post a response if you are beyond midlife. That would be great, as it would lend some perspective. The more the merrier.
Um, I started dating again at age 38-39 and have dated a few gals in the 42ish age range.
I guess I would say that there is an interesting variety out there of divorced people, never married etc.
It's also an interesting transitory age given that empty nesting generally happens in the 40-50-60 range. Also, this is the first time many of us have dated since we were in our 20's and at that time there were no kids or ex's etc. to muddy the waters.
To answer your questions...
1) I generally date my own age +/- 5-6 years or so. Last 2 gfs have been about 3 yrs older. My late wife was almost 8 years older than me.
2) Married? Wow. I don't know. I think I will, it's a lot to absorb right now.
3) One key to me is a general health and healthy lifestyle. I'm at the age where the people that have not taken care of themselves are starting to get health issues and also I notice in my parents age group 60's that some are either dead or largely incapacitated by ailments. With that said, I'm interested in *fairly* healthy (but not a nut about it) women somewhere around my age probably because if things work out I want a partner that would still be around in 20-30 years hopefully. (But I know that fate can be fickle to any of us.)
Um, I started dating again at age 38-39 and have dated a few gals in the 42ish age range.
I guess I would say that there is an interesting variety out there of divorced people, never married etc.
It's also an interesting transitory age given that empty nesting generally happens in the 40-50-60 range. Also, this is the first time many of us have dated since we were in our 20's and at that time there were no kids or ex's etc. to muddy the waters.
To answer your questions...
1) I generally date my own age +/- 5-6 years or so. Last 2 gfs have been about 3 yrs older. My late wife was almost 8 years older than me.
2) Married? Wow. I don't know. I think I will, it's a lot to absorb right now.
3) One key to me is a general health and healthy lifestyle. I'm at the age where the people that have not taken care of themselves are starting to get health issues and also I notice in my parents age group 60's that some are either dead or largely incapacitated by ailments. With that said, I'm interested in *fairly* healthy (but not a nut about it) women somewhere around my age probably because if things work out I want a partner that would still be around in 20-30 years hopefully. (But I know that fate can be fickle to any of us.)
Um, I started dating again at age 38-39 and have dated a few gals in the 42ish age range.
I guess I would say that there is an interesting variety out there of divorced people, never married etc.
It's also an interesting transitory age given that empty nesting generally happens in the 40-50-60 range. Also, this is the first time many of us have dated since we were in our 20's and at that time there were no kids or ex's etc. to muddy the waters.
To answer your questions...
1) I generally date my own age +/- 5-6 years or so. Last 2 gfs have been about 3 yrs older. My late wife was almost 8 years older than me.
2) Married? Wow. I don't know. I think I will, it's a lot to absorb right now.
3) One key to me is a general health and healthy lifestyle. I'm at the age where the people that have not taken care of themselves are starting to get health issues and also I notice in my parents age group 60's that some are either dead or largely incapacitated by ailments. With that said, I'm interested in *fairly* healthy (but not a nut about it) women somewhere around my age probably because if things work out I want a partner that would still be around in 20-30 years hopefully. (But I know that fate can be fickle to any of us.)
Good post. I understand about the health issues. I could stand to lose about 20 pounds, but I'm working on it, running in races almost every weekend, and eating a lot better than I used to. My boyfriend on the other hand, needs to lose about 50 pounds and has a few other health issues; he also eats out every day and not at health food restaurants (I think his blood is made up of Hooter's buffalo wing sauce). I think he's great, but both his parents died at a young age (60s) and I'd like to keep him around longer than that.
My bf is one year older than I am (I'm 41). I generally prefer guys from 33 to about 45. I once dated a guy 12 years older and that just was never going to work. He had different goals than I did at that time (when I was 30 and he was 42).
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