Women hating other women (date, lesbian, loyalty, love)
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I'm in my 20s, usually one of the youngest in any jobs I've had and I'm on my 3rd real job. And in every single one of these jobs, I get 3 to 4 other women who will hate on me for no reason whatsoever. I know this makes me sound like a total stuck up snob, but the women who hate on me have no reason to hate on me, and it just so happen to be that they are fat, ugly, or middle- aged. Now I think they take out their own unhappiness (bad marriage, lack of love, financial problems, lack of confidence in their own looks, etc.) in their own lives out on me b/c I am younger, thinner, and prettier. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but just trying to give the most accurate depiction of the situation. I've never said or did anything offensive to any of my haters. I don't even work with them, just the same office. So any work I do have no impact on their job. I want to know if anyone else has experienced this on either end, being the hater or being the hated, and if anyone agrees with my hypothesis on why they hate me for no reason.
I'm in my 20s, usually one of the youngest in any jobs I've had and I'm on my 3rd real job. And in every single one of these jobs, I get 3 to 4 other women who will hate on me for no reason whatsoever. I know this makes me sound like a total stuck up snob, but the women who hate on me have no reason to hate on me, and it just so happen to be that they are fat, ugly, or middle- aged. Now I think they take out their own unhappiness (bad marriage, lack of love, financial problems, lack of confidence in their own looks, etc.) in their own lives out on me b/c I am younger, thinner, and prettier. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but just trying to give the most accurate depiction of the situation. I've never said or did anything offensive to any of my haters. I don't even work with them, just the same office. So any work I do have no impact on their job. I want to know if anyone else has experienced this on either end, being the hater or being the hated, and if anyone agrees with my hypothesis on why they hate me for no reason.
Back in the day, I too was young, thin and pretty, and for the most part got away with not doing much at work because I knew all I had to do was bat my pretty little eyelashes at the boss, and everything was OK. In retrospect, I didn't do much work at all, and everybody else had to do the work that I WAS NOT DOING.
You don't mention what kind of job it is, but it has been my experience in life, now being older, fatter and somewhat less pretty, that if you are hard working, a team player and do a BANG UP job, that people will respect you for who you are and it will not what you look like.
So maybe you need to see if working a little harder, and giggling a little less might help smooth over the rough spots with the fat, ugly women you work with hmmmmmmm?
There are haters in any situation - socially, in the work environment, etc. Women do not have a loyalty to one another as men seem to have with one other. Fact.
Personally, I do not trust women who hate on other women or claim they "cannot get along with other women" - most certainly, I do not have friends who are haters - and I will not. In my opinion, if women grow up to hate on other women after all of the years that we bonded as child play mates (playing Barbie, sleepovers, etc.) - that's an issue and I think the hating stems - or lack of being able to bond stems from difficulty back in those tender years.
Heh, I remember those days. It's true -- there were always middle-aged and older women who would be snippy and try to put younger gals "in their place." I realized that they were a bit insecure and felt threatened by the younger folks so I always tried to be especially nice to them.
Try to get to know them; compliment them on things but make sure it's REAL, not fake; ask them for their advice on things. That usually helps. If they feel that you see them as valuable, almost as mentors, then they back down.
I think it depends on the atmosphere. Some women can be like this. I've had bad experiences but good experiences as well. In the bad I felt that I was unjustly treated, but with the good I felt like the women took me under their wing and treated me as if I was their daughter. In my experience I tend to have better relationships with women who are older than me. Most of the resentment and/or jealousy tends to come from women about the same age.
I think to avoid this you should try to get a good feel of the work climate before accepting a job. If the women seem genuine and welcoming - then your stay at the job will probably be a lot easier. But if they start with the fake smiles, and the snide comments, then they already have it in their mind to be B****** to you.
It really does depend on the people. Just shows how they really are inside. People like this are not worth your time or worry. Try to become friends with people at work who do not have this attitude. And remember to keep personal problems to yourself. There's nothing people like that want more than to have something to gossip about.
~Liz
Women do not like me. They feel threatened by me big time. I just keep to myself which in turn makes me look like a huge ***** (which I can be). I can't tell you how much of a nightmare it is to try and work at a new place with lots of women. I've actually been told by a employer that we wouldn't hire me because he didn't want to disturb the henhouse!!!
You know, I resent the fact that whenever a woman acts in a way that someone else doesn't like, the knee-jerk reaction (not just by men, but by other women, as well) is to chalk it up to some bodily dysfunction: either she is menstruating, or she's menopausal, or she's too fat, or too ugly, or barren, or her husband doesn't f- her enough. This is dismissive and misogynistic, because the underlying assumption is that women are incapable of rational thought and utterly enslaved by their hormones. When men act up, somehow we don't make the automatic assumption that something must be wrong with their prostates, or that they must have bottled up testosterone.
A woman who adheres to such notions should be doubly ashamed. That means you, OP. I mean really, since you sound pretty ticked off here, how would you like it if I said that you are just b/tching because you are on a rag? Not one bit, would be my guess. Maybe your failure to regard those older and less attractive than yourself as human beings is what breeds the resentment. In any event, look for a substantive reason why you are disliked. Maybe it's a bad reason at the end of the day -- but don't automatically characterize your co-workers' attitude in a way that, I'm sure, you wouldn't like were to be applied to you.
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After reading some of the comments above, it also occurred to me that one source of the resentment is that women in their early 20's and women in their 40's simply live in different worlds. While I am in neither category, I think I understand what's going on. Newsflash, my dear Internet Heidi Klums: women who have families to support have more to worry about than how they compare to you physically. You may be worried about whether you'll have a date next week; they worry about whether they'll have a paycheck, and enough money to cover the mortgage. (Yes, I realize you too need your paychecks, but you don't have kids, unemployed husbands and all those other expenses you pick up along the way as you age.) This is especially true in this economy. So yeah, OP and others: you are right, your older female co-workers do feel threatened by you, but not in the way you think. Since you are young, you are paid a lot less, and you are more willing to put up with scarce benefits. Because you don't have children, you are probably more flexible as far as putting in long hours for little or no overtime pay. And if things on Wall Street get worse, your tight hams would be much better at convincing your (male) bosses to keep you on the job than some 40-year-old mother-of-three's cottage cheese thighs. And, as it hasn't been that long since I was in my 20's, I know that at that age, it's easy to shrug and say: "Well, tough s***. Life's not fair. Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful." But as you move closer and closer to the other end of the spectrum, I guarantee you it will seem less and less fair to you that despite your experience and expertise, you can lose your job simply because someone else is cheaper and prettier. And at that point, perhaps you too will not be particularly friendly towards overconfident college graduates who think being young and pretty is an achievement.
Last edited by Redisca; 07-29-2009 at 04:44 PM..
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