How do you find out where you stand? (dating, women, single)
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I'm 26 year old male, been on 3 dates with a 29 year old female. Things went fine, seems like we get along, we've kissed at the end of 2 of the dates. 1st two dates went to restaurant/bar and ate/drank/talked. 3rd date went out to dinner then she invited me back to her place for a glass of wine. I didn't make a move, niether did she, we just sat on the couch and enjoyed conversation.
Here's the catchy part. I know there are good signs about how things are going so far, but I really don't know where I stand with her right now, and it may be too early to tell. She also said to me before I left on the last date (it was a wednesday night) that she was "really busy this weekend". she kind of threw it out there, I didn't ask her about the weekend at all, and I just said "yeah I am as well", and then I left. I didn't call her until sunday night and left a vm.
Side note: we met on match.com, and she has updated her profile and still frequents the site often since we've met. Before we met, she was rarely on and it took her a week to get back to me sometimes. It's cool if she is dating other guys, it's not my business at this point, but I don't know if that's a good/bad sign for me or not. Not sure if this is significant, but I thought I'd throw that in there.
What's a good way to get an idea of how things are going or where I stand without being direct about it or coming on too strong? What's the next move for me at this point? Should I be doing anything different other than just asking her out on another date? Any ideas welcomed.
Nope, just ask her out on another date. Don't do the "determine the relationship" talk yet, it's WAY too early. Just have fun! That's what dating is supposed to be. Don't think too much, just do what you want to do...if you like her, ask her out again. If she says no, it'll be easier to move on than overthinking where you both stand. Just relax and have fun
Nope, just ask her out on another date. Don't do the "determine the relationship" talk yet, it's WAY too early. Just have fun! That's what dating is supposed to be. Don't think too much, just do what you want to do...if you like her, ask her out again. If she says no, it'll be easier to move on than overthinking where you both stand. Just relax and have fun
Yeah that's what I figured. I've been out of the dating game the last few years just enjoying mid-20's single life. My previous girls I've dated wanted to lock me into the relationship by now, so to me it doesn't feel as early.
If she doesn't call me back then I obviously get the hint, I never leave more than one message or call twice without getting a call back. If she's interested she'll probably call. If not, then I've been emailing 2 other girls that I could set up dates with.
I also wasn't looking to do a relationship-talk. I don't think the guy should ever initiate that discussion. I was just trying to see if there's any other non-direct way of finding out where I stand at this point but there probably isn't.
What's a good way to get an idea of how things are going or where I stand without being direct about it or coming on too strong? What's the next move for me at this point? Should I be doing anything different other than just asking her out on another date? Any ideas welcomed.
Cdubs, man, just relax a bit.. Who cares where you stand at this point in time - there's no need to stress about it. You might want to ask that question if you've been seeing her for several months, and things still are as they are, but for right now.. just relax.
Enjoy all the stops along the way.. If you rush too fast, you'll miss all the good stuff. Trust me on this..
Sounds like you're being murky about your intentions. Since you haven't been up front with her, she's keeping the field open. The least you can do is be up front with us, so....
Question 1: Do you want to have sex with her? If the answer is no, then quit dating her. If the answer is yes, then you should have made it clear that you were sexually interested in her. Doing date after date, without being clear that you have sexual intentions just means you get strung along, and you pick up the bill at the end of the night, which is frustrating.
For me, I rarely go through the first date without kissing the girl. And that, I do in the middle of the date, not at the end. If she rebuffs me in mid-date, I know there's no mutual interest and can move on; if she reciprocates, things move forward.
On date two, we make out a bit more, but I stop it from going further. By me stopping it, she feels comfortable with the situation and doesn't feel like she's the one that has to put the breaks on things. In effect, I've taken the position of crossing guard away from her and made it mine. This works especially well if she was all worked up and ready to go.
On date three, we sleep together, end of story. Total amount of time spent together? Maybe five to seven hours tops--low investment, high yield. From there, you can go relationship, or whatever. But the beauty of it is, that it's your choice.
Why the concentration on sex, you ask? Well, before you sleep with a woman, she looks for reasons to reject you. But after, she looks for reasons to justify her decision. Get sex, and you get the girl.
In regards to online dating, if she's still looking on the site, then you've failed to capture her interest solidly enough to get her to look to you to meet her needs. She's instead looking back in the virtual world, 'cause she's not finding what she's looking for in the real world, including with you.
There could be two reasons for this: 1. You're not what she wants, but you're not half bad, so why not date a few times--nip that in the bud by ejecting from that situation, it has usury written all over it. 2. You are what she wants, but she doesn't know it, because you've been too tepid in your responses and too fearful to demonstrate with your personality that you're it, you're interested in her, and she should look no further.
That's the definition of murky. Don't be murky. Women are attracted to men who show them through their actions (not by stating overtly) that they are what she is looking for, and that he's alpha enough to make no apologies for guiding her into the kind of relationship that he wants to have. In effect, he's offering her an experience and social opportunity. She can take it or not, but it's not a big deal to him either way. Be that man.
On the other hand, why don't you suggest a point system? It could look like one of those big plywood thermometers that people put on the town square for the United Way. Only this one would have various levels from "Has Obtained Restraining Order" to "Will Continuing Accepting Phone Calls" all the way up to "Yes, Yes, Mount Me Now, My Steed."
Points could be added or deducted, depending on what you did during your last date, such as:
Called her five times within the following 48 hours: -10
Licked her ear: -15
Put your jacket around her shoulders when she was cold: +5
Was rude to the waiter: -5 to -50, depending on severity of offense.
Was polite to her friends: +5
Had an enjoyable conversation with her friends: +20
Complimented her outfit: +10
Asked, "Is that your real hair?": -72
Flossed at the table: -45
Talked about her more than you: +10
Talked about her to the exclusion of you: -5
Talked about something besides work, sports, or your Dungeons and Dragons character: +10
Made her laugh: +1 each time she laughs
Took her to a movie without guns and car crashes: +8
Sounds like you're being murky about your intentions. Since you haven't been up front with her, she's keeping the field open. The least you can do is be up front with us, so....
Question 1: Do you want to have sex with her? If the answer is no, then quit dating her. If the answer is yes, then you should have made it clear that you were sexually interested in her. Doing date after date, without being clear that you have sexual intentions just means you get strung along, and you pick up the bill at the end of the night, which is frustrating.
You have got to be kidding me...
Talk about coming on too strong on a first date! Any girl with half a brain would be freaked out by this. cdubs3201, do not follow the advice this dude has given you. If you want a sure fire way to freak her out and scare her away, then go ahead.
I don't know...on date 3 you had dinner, and she invited you back to HER place for wine. I think she threw you a fast ball and you didn't take the bat off your shoulder. I may interpret 'I'm busy this weekend' as 'thanks for no sex'.
I might calll her one more time in a few days, but if she doesn't respond, look elsewhere.
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