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OK, this question is directed only at the people who are open to dating someone who already has kids. If you're not one of those people, please don't bother replying. I don't want to see this thread turn into another "Don't date anyone with kids/why single moms should be avoided" thread, even though I'm sure someone will eventually offer that sentiment.
As a single male in his mid 30s, I've met a number of women in my age range who already have kids. I personally don't have a problem dating someone who has kids. I've done it before and, while it was difficult at times, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. But I'm also lucky because I've never had to deal with a lot of the drama that others have described encountering. I also have never dated anyone with more than one child.
Recently, I met a woman in her late 30s. We hit it off and I thought about asking her out. I learned that she had kids, but it didn't discourage my interest. What did give me pause, though, was learning that her two kids were from different marriages. I don't know the exact dates of when she got married and divorced, but I think her first marriage was in her early 20s and lasted til her late 20s. The second marriage was in her early 30s and just ended about a year ago. So neither marriage was short, at least not by today's standards.
My question is this. If you met someone who had kids, would it make any difference to you if the kids came from different marriages/relationships and, if so, why?
I think what gave me pause was the prospect of having to deal with potential drama from two fathers instead of one. I'm hoping to hear from others who have been in this situation or perhaps from parents who have kids from different marriages and started dating again after divorce.
For the purpose of this thread, exclude the stereotype of the young single mom who had kids with a bunch of different guys and assume the person you meet is a responsible adult who isn't looking for a daddy for her kids, isn't interested in having more kids, and may not even be looking to get married again. They just want to date and perhaps have a serious relationship with someone who will accept their kids.
I have to admit that yes, it would make a difference to me.
At the very least, there are TWO other parents to deal with, rather than just one. More drama than I need or want. But every situation is different, I'd have to base my call on the individual and their specific situation.
Long ago, before I was married, I dated several gals that were divorced with children at home. Kinda hard to date women in their 30's that have never been married. And many had children.
None with more than one dad though.
I don't think it's a real big issue, especially if you two get along well. That's the most important thing, eh?
I'm sure I would've been open to that kind of situation.
It would matter to me. I would never date a guy who left a trail of kids all across the US.
OK, this is the kind of response I was hoping to avoid. Having a child with two different wives is NOT what I could call leaving a trail of kids. Maybe the guy got married at 25, had a kid, and got divorced at 31. Then he remarried at 33, had a kid, and divorced at 39. This scenario isn't that hard to imagine happening given how common divorce and remarriage is.
I have dated a few guys with kids. Your situation is fairly common here. My current bf was married three times so he could have had kids by 3 different women.
I think what is more important is how she and the exes deal with the situation.
The other thing I forgot to add is that you might not find out until later that his or her kids are from different marriages. When you first meet, you may learn that they have kids. But would you think to ask if they have the same parents? Would that person think to even mention it at that point?
I am open to men with kids. In fact, it is a turn on when I see how good a father is with a child.
However, it is very different from my perspective. In most cases, the mother has primary custody of the child(ren), so dating a father is a little different. Would I date a man who had more than one kid by different mothers...hmm...that would depend on the circumstances. What's more important to me is that he is involved with his kids and treats them right. I do have to say that I don't like the idea of dealing with two or more exs watching and judging my every move. Eek.
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