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Me too. Would the dr. not do a tubal on your friend after the last baby? She definately needs to keep a check on the depression. I hope you encourage her to get the help she needs.
Her husband talked her out of it. But, I have another friend that is also pregnant (by choice) that wanted hers tied with her last child, and the dr wouldn't do it. She was 34 at the time and it was her third (she is 42 now). My dr's were a group of 2 male and 1 female. The female dr actually tried to talk me out of it twice prior to the surgery, and going in to the room I almost changed my mind. Next thing I know, I woke up in recovery. I started crying before I was even awake because I realized it was done.
She has a lot of friend and family around as I said, and she can't really be on meds while she's pregnant. I'm doing what I can for her but she lives about 40 miles away.
How about people take a chill pill instead of jumping into marriage 2 or 3 months after meeting someone. No way in hell you can get to know the other person in that short amount of time.
How about people take a chill pill instead of jumping into marriage 2 or 3 months after meeting someone. No way in hell you can get to know the other person in that short amount of time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
Exaca-lack-kally!!!!
Idiosos!!
WTH! Let her sleep in the bed she made.
They were engaged for nearly a year before the got married, WTH are YOU talking about? And he didn't start the actual two-faced behavior until after they'd been married. Read the OP carefully next time.
They were engaged for nearly a year before the got married, WTH are YOU talking about? And he didn't start the actual two-faced behavior until after they'd been married. Read the OP carefully next time.
Your original post left out a lot of information. Then you've corrected our assumptions. But
floridadreamer - I don't think that you've made this thread to actually solicit advice for your friend. She's in a lose-lose situation. And her life makes me feel sad and depressed for, and I feel very lucky to be me.
It seems to me that anytime in this thread, someone has offered some good advice, you've shot down the advice harshly and added more information about her situation.
And the situation is complicated because of the unborn baby, so that there is no easy solution to her problem. Considering your answers to our posts in your thread, I think that she'll just have to live unhappily forever in the situation she created.
And my suggestion of adoption was well intentioned. I know about ten couples that have adopted babies and young children, and some people that were adopted as babies, and their lives are extremely happy and drama-free. And for those that have an unwanted pregnancy, giving the child up for adoption is an excellent solution and a woman that is willing to do that is giving her baby the greatest gift of all, a happy life with a couple that really wants a baby to cherish and raise. And she should never be made to feel guilty either about giving up her baby.
And if she doesn't have to worry about raising that baby, then she has the ability and the freedom to divorce her dreadful husband and start her life anew, especially since her other two children are getting close to being adults. Her husband is not going to get any better.
I have this friend that I've know for about 12 years now. She was a single mom when I met her back then with two little girls. She and her husband only dated for about 2-3 months before he proposed, literally sweeping her off her feet. So they move in together, not yet married but engaged, and she finds out about a month in to it, that she's pregnant.
Fast Forward to about a week before the wedding, at which time she's about 9 months pregnant. She's fat and ugly and feels like crap, and all she wants is for her husband to stay home and be with her instead of going out and looking at strippers. He says, "No, I can't disappoint Adam" (his bff), and so he goes.
It's a few months down the road, she has the little one, and is going through some post-partum depression issues. He chooses to work constantly instead of coming home, and when he is, spends until about 3am looking at porn online every night.
So they go in and out of counseling over the years because he goes back and forth between acting like a teenager who has no decent priorities. It's always, well what about ME, and I can't disappoint so and so (he's in a band) and again is spending until about 3am on the computer doing god knows what, and the other week their water got shut off because he didn't bother to pay the bill. She, btw has been on and off anti-depressants since after the baby. Not because of post-partum, but because of his yo-yo behavior and just being really unhappy.
He's done this more or less every couple months since they've been married.
Now, to top it off she's pregnant again and he's going around making jokes about having to keep her barefoot and pregnant so she can't leave him.
She is 5 months pregnant, never wanted to be pregnant again, and knows he's never going to change. They have just celebrated their 11 yr anniversary. She's actually considering just giving him full custody once he's born and leaving town.
I just don't know what to think. He seems like a decent guy to talk to.. He acted so much like prince charming in the beginning. I just don't get it!!
Hold the phone. You're asking the wrong question. Rather than asking what's wrong with him, why not ask what the hell is wrong with BOTH of them?
Let's just run down this sorry episode of the White Trash Follies.
1. She was a single mother with kids, who gets engaged w/in two months of meeting some guy.
2. She then, without really having a period of due diligence, lets him move into the house.
3. She gets pregnant immediately (What? No birth control?).
4. They can't get it together to actually get married until she's about to pop.
5. He's off looking at strippers while his fiancee/wife is about to give birth. And she allows it.
And the list goes on and on. At what point do these people clue in? To me, she helped create this situation. Both are equally irresponsible people.
The ones I feel sorry for are the kids she had before she met this halfwit. Where is their father? I think I would have swooped in and carried them off, because neither their mother nor stepfather can obviously be trusted with a box of matches.
Sorry to be so harsh here but I'm trying to be honest. When somebody keeps trying to deflect all the blame to one person when two people made this mess, I just have to shake my head.
Your original post left out a lot of information. Then you've corrected our assumptions. But
floridadreamer - I don't think that you've made this thread to actually solicit advice for your friend. She's in a lose-lose situation. And her life makes me feel sad and depressed for, and I feel very lucky to be me.
The second paragraph of the OP did state they only got married a few weeks before she had their first child together. You're correct, what I am trying to do is figure out why this guy just can't GET IT RIGHT. Is it that hard to be a decent husband and father?
And the situation is complicated because of the unborn baby, so that there is no easy solution to her problem. Considering your answers to our posts in your thread, I think that she'll just have to live unhappily forever in the situation she created.
So your attitude is basicly, if you can't solve her problem, to he** with her? I'm guessing compassion isn't one of your strongest qualities.
And my suggestion of adoption was well intentioned. I know about ten couples that have adopted babies and young children, and some people that were adopted as babies, and their lives are extremely happy and drama-free. And for those that have an unwanted pregnancy, giving the child up for adoption is an excellent solution and a woman that is willing to do that is giving her baby the greatest gift of all, a happy life with a couple that really wants a baby to cherish and raise. And she should never be made to feel guilty either about giving up her baby.
Adoption is a wonderful option, for children that don't have families. I personally believe that if my daughter, or sister had a child they couldn't keep, I would take care of the child myself. As much as it is a "gift" to an adoptive family, it would also be my "blood". Besides that, no court is going to allow her to do that when the father is there willing to take care of it.
And if she doesn't have to worry about raising that baby, then she has the ability and the freedom to divorce her dreadful husband and start her life anew, especially since her other two children are getting close to being adults. Her husband is not going to get any better.
What is going on in his head? Nothing. Same thing that is going on in her head, I will add. They both appear to be losers.
Arguably one could say she is not, but she gets pregnant twice (the first could be excused but the second?), stays with him, and puts up with his unacceptable behavior - that qualifies her as a loser.
She WILL be getting her tubes tied before she leaves the hospital. That brings me to a whole nother rant though. What the heck is with the these doctors that won't tie someone's tubes, because in THEIR opinion the woman is too young, and why would the husband have any say in the matter?
Residual sexism from decades ago when a woman was the property of her husband. An 18 year old man could ask for a vasectomy and receive it but wombs are the property of society. I think many people (certainly not all) need to see women as natural and willing mothers/dependents. Probably the same reason Dr. Tiller was murdered there's always people who don't want to let the power imbalances of the past go. Doctor who performed abortions shot to death - CNN.com
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And for those that have an unwanted pregnancy, giving the child up for adoption is an excellent solution and a woman that is willing to do that is giving her baby the greatest gift of all, a happy life with a couple that really wants a baby to cherish and raise. And she should never be made to feel guilty either about giving up her baby. 
The Question Should Be.............
