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My only story about almost dating a woman with kids:
(ahem..... okay)
When I was 24 I was waiting tables and had just moved down to Orlando. I didn't know anyone, and was one of those guys who actually wanted a relationship, so I joined one of those phone-message dating things (Those of you who were post-pubescent before the coming of mainstream internet will know what I'm talking about.).
Anyway, I got a message back from a girl that seemed pretty cool and we met. Well, I gotta say, she was VERY attractive. She DID have a 4 year old son though... Didn't bother me really. I was young and didn't really think about that one way or the other and he didn't live with her. I figured that kids generally like me and that would be good enough.
Well, I never got that far... We had planned a second date which was supposed to be me going over to her place and watching a movie. I had orientation for a new job late that afternoon. It ran a bit late and some of the people from there were planning on heading out for drinks afterwards.... Well, I decided that that sounded like fun (the girl lived on the other side of Orlando for pete's sake!!!).
Anyway, I called her and told her the thing ran late (and it was like 9 PM or so..), and she asked me if I was still coming over... I apologized and said I wasn't going to make it. She sounded angry and said "fine, whatever" and that was the last I ever heard from her...
A couple of questions in retrospect (I'm 37 now, so this isn't urgent advice, just curiousity).
1) Was I going to "get lucky" that night and blew it?
2) Was I was deemed "too irresponsible" or "unreliable" and that's why she never talked to me again? (Now that I have kids, I get that).
3) Was I wrong (assuming you didn't know that I was planning on going out drinking with friends instead ) in cancelling? It was kinda late and I wouldn't have gotten there until almost 10 PM...
Wow.... If I was Earl, I'd try to fix this as, like, one of those Karma things...
I personally do not want kids. I would prefer to date someone who's in the same mind frame as well. I just don't want the baggage, baby mama drama and the responsiblity..
I personally do not want kids. I would prefer to date someone who's in the same mind frame as well. I just don't want the baggage, baby mama drama and the responsiblity..
So I assume then you don't have sex, because you know how babies are made right? I'm not being sarcastic either, it just amuses me how people say these things but also haven't had a vasectomy or their tubes tied. Doesn't stop them from the drama of orgasms though, does it?
Well, thankfully I'm very much off the market, but I have to say, if a man doesn't want me enough to accept me with a child, then I don't want him either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I see so many single mothers getting remarried. Hell, my sister got married with 3 kids! It's not uncommon, it's not absurd, obviously there are situations when 2 people just fall in love so much that they don't care, no baggage is big enough to stand on the way.
There is a lot to say about a man who is willing to raise someone else's child and raise him as his own. This man deserves a lot of respect and he is a true fearless man in my eyes.
If you want me but you don't want my child, grow up and get out of my life, unless you are hot, then I can use you for occasional booty-call.
So I assume then you don't have sex, because you know how babies are made right? I'm not being sarcastic either, it just amuses me how people say these things but also haven't had a vasectomy or their tubes tied. Doesn't stop them from the drama of orgasms though, does it?
Sex isn't only for procreation ya know. And what difference does it make whether childfree people had a surgical procedure to render them sterile? There are other ways to prevent pregnancy besides sterilization. Surgery is expensive.
My rule of thumb has always been that I would never date a man whose kids were younger than my own children. I've already done the parenting thing; I certainly don't want to do it again! Maybe this is the reason I have a lot of respect for the men who are up front about not wanting to date single or divorced moms. Why get on someone's case for what they choose to tolerate (or not tolerate, in this case)?
I also can't imagine seriously dating someone who didn't have kids at all, because parenting requires huge sacrifices and someone who has never had children really can't understand that. Even when your kids are adults, they sometimes need help. I'd hate to be involved with someone who couldn't relate.
Sex isn't only for procreation ya know. And what difference does it make whether childfree people had a surgical procedure to render them sterile? There are other ways to prevent pregnancy besides sterilization. Surgery is expensive.
And just how many pregnancies do you think occur when someone is on the pill or a condom is used. Quite a lot. I just think if someone can honestly 100% say, that they do NOT want children, they ought to make an extra effort to insure it doesn't happen. Especially if it is a man saying it, because if he gets someone pregnant, it isn't his choice whether the woman decides to keep it, abort, or give the child up for adoption. And it erks me even more if they think they can just thow a few hundred at the problem, and say, "take care of it." This has happened to someone I know, BTW. It isn't about being childfree, it's about wanting to stay that way forever.
My rule of thumb has always been that I would never date a man whose kids were younger than my own children.
Yeah I completely understand that. I was with someone that had MUCH younger kids than mine, and although I have such tremendous respect for him as a fantastic devoted father (and just a good man, no question) it was difficult on the relationship as he kept "us" and "them" completely separate, and our plans often got ditched due to events related to the kids. And I don't want to be misunderstood - I completely agree with his decisions and how he handled things, it just makes having a relationship much more challenging. Hell I didn't date at ALL when I split with my ex, for 7 years, for that very reason. It just wasn't worth it to me, and my priorities were simply on my child, where a parent's focus SHOULD be.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SandyCo
I also can't imagine seriously dating someone who didn't have kids at all, because parenting requires huge sacrifices and someone who has never had children really can't understand that. Even when your kids are adults, they sometimes need help. I'd hate to be involved with someone who couldn't relate.
I agree with this as well. Dating someone who has no children at all? Yeesh. I doubt I would ever do that. Such a person is clueless about so much that is important to me - that's a huge commonality that would be missing. Ha - I guess that's a bit of a deal breaker in itself.
I had a blind meet with a girl I talked to. She sounded intelligent, nice, etc. on the phone. She told me she had a kid, and at the time I didn't care. Well, when I met her, come to find out she's like 7 months pregnant AND has a kid. Which didn't sit well with me, because she omitted the part about being pregnant. Being the type of person I was then, I decided to let it slide. We hung out a couple of times, I drove up to see her each time. Mind you, she had NOTHING going for her.
- She was blatantly unattractive, even if she weren't pregnant she'd still be unattractive
- She lived in what had to be the most ghetto of apartments. I was raised in a ghetto area, and this was even worse, which shocked me.
- She was pregnant - meaning she was bonded to some idiot.
- She had no job. I don't know how the apartment was paid for.
I'm saying, NO good qualities. Anyway, her daughter was the cutest, sweetest thing you ever did meet. She grew to like me and I grew to like her, to the point (and this is part of the reason I had to stop talking to the girl) that she attached herself to me even more than her mother, which told me that the father wasn't in the picture and needed to be. We went to Chuck E Cheese as a group and her daughter wanted to hold my hand and play games with me the whole time. Crossing the street I told the daughter to hold hands with her cousin and she did. At the park she slipped and fell during a water game and ran up crying to me to pick her up - not her mom, me. Mind you, I've known this girl for two weeks.
Short story, me and the girl had a falling out over something trivial, and I decided not to go up there anymore. She called me on the phone and cussed me out for 10 minutes. Then I hear the daughter in the back asking if it was me and asking to talk to me. Girl said no, daughter starts bawling. It was heartbreaking: One, because the daughter needed a father that wasn't there. Two, because someone like me, who's normally anti-children, could grow to be attached to one so easily. And three, because I couldn't understand how such a sweet child could have come out of such a horrible female.
I've got other stories about women with children but that one is the primary reason why I won't do it. Not to say I wouldn't be friends with them, even close friends...but no relationship. I won't go through that again.
When you fall in love, all dating "rules" are out the window.
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) in cancelling? It was kinda late and I wouldn't have gotten there until almost 10 PM...
I'm not being sarcastic either, it just amuses me how people say these things but also haven't had a vasectomy or their tubes tied. Doesn't stop them from the drama of orgasms though, does it?
It's not uncommon, it's not absurd, obviously there are situations when 2 people just fall in love so much that they don't care, no baggage is big enough to stand on the way. 
