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People are amazingly interesting, but for the most part, I have no patience for most women, and choose my friends wisely...b/c
My first bad experience with a woman friend was when I was 13 years old...we were very poor, and one of my best girlfriends parents did very well....she told me they were going to Kentucky to visit all the horse farms and would I like to go? I was extactic...
As the days grew closer, she said nothing to me about the trip, and finally I asked here what time, and so forth...she said, she asked someone else to go? I was crushed.
Then, that same girl a few years later, stole my boyfriend...and they were so sneaky about it...and believe me, I know now, it was a 50/50 deal but she was my best girlfriend????
Growing up I was extremely naive b/c my mother was, and it never occurred to me that people would lie...or do things to get even, cuz you said something that hurt their feelings...not intentionally, they were just insecure....and as I grew older, I learned if I wanted girlfriends I couldn't be myself...had to go along with them, or else. Finally I got sick of it, and reverted back to who I was....I hated shopping and still do to this day...hate, hate, hate soap operas and gossip....
I don't know why, but I was told that I intimidated women, b/c I was so confident...was basically able to go places on my own, didn't need someone to go along, was never into putting on much make up or into clothes. I loved swimming and horseback riding...and really didn't have much time for anything else.
Now to this day, I've had some very outstanding women in my life who were and still are very close...but for the most part, I am NOT into asking where did you get this, tell me all about him, or how much did that cost...and I'm not into petty family politics or haven't the patence for gossip.
I hate it, when women say, "Oh yeah, I'd love to go, I'm in". And then think about it over and over again, and convince themselves of all the reasons why they shouldn't go?????
I also hate it when I'm talking to a women and it takes her 30 minutes to tell you a story b/c she has to tell you every single detail, and then gets off track due to it....or can't say a simply yes or no?
And in my business, I've said it many times...."It's a simple yes, or no answer?" But some women can't do that?
My friends are pretty savvy in the arts....they are not wishy washy, but confident and able to make a decission pretty quick....I need to have intellectual stimulous around me, and it ain't about make up, fake nails and clothes...I dress fine, and wear very little make up, and it only takes me 20 minutes to get ready to go somewhere...
I hate waiting, and am usually early or right on time....
So, my friends are pretty much the same as me, except for one thing...
I've never had a college education...therefore, I do surround myself with people who have had both a college education and life experience....I need, intellectual stimulous and have always gravitated towards people who are older then I am...even as a child.
If I choose you as a friend, I am very loyal, and do not repeat what you say to me to others, and if others ask, I put them in their place but quick, saying, "its none of your business?". I figure if they have the brass to ask, they I'm going to let them know they've crossed boundaries.
The first and only women in my life that I've ever had problems with is my DIL....and to be honest, if she were not married to my son, I wouldn't give her a second thought, as she is way to high maintenance, her only interests are make up, clothes and jewerly, and you so have to worry that anything you say is going to upset her? I can't deal with that...nor do I have time for it...
When I think of it, most of my friends are very secure people, who know where they're going. They are people who probably didn't come from money, but worked hard themselves to accomplish their goals, and still have goals to reach...what is life without dreams and goals?
I have several women friends who are gay couples, and they are wonderful people...
I don't hate women, not in the least...I just really dislike manipulative women, and I can spot em pretty quick. They seem to give off an aura...or whatever you call it...you can just feel their MO....I don't like people, both men and women who use people for their own personal gains....and hate liers....and weakness....
I am very generous, and love to give gifts to friends, or have dinner parties for friends, treat friends out to dinner, or when we go on trips and will help my friends out financially if I am able to...couples, singles, whatever....but if you screw over on me, I'm done....you don't get a second chance....
So, describe yourself and your friendships with women?
I'm a rather strong and independent woman. I have few female friends. The female friends I do have are usally very strong personalities. Others are kept at a distance.
I'm a rather strong and independent woman. I have few female friends. The female friends I do have are usally very strong personalities. Others are kept at a distance.
This is probably the worst area for me, so here goes, I may have something to learn.
My first encounter with girls in elementary school was an interesting one. I thought this one girl was very pretty, but had not the confidence to tell her so, so I would look at her try to think of a way to tell her how pretty she was. She was a taller girl than any of us in class, and she was known to be a bully.
She came up to me one day on the playground and punched me in the face. When my friends asked her why she did that, she said, "she always stares at me, and its rude!" This was where I learned the value of body language, communication, and basically how hard being friends with girls was going to be for me in life.
Speed up to today: I have maybe two girl friends that I talk to regularly. Everyone else is either a work acquaintance, or married to a man I know. It is very hard to find a girl with the same personality, same interests, and can relate to my experiences in life to be able to really communicate. There seems to be a block when I try to understand and relate to other girls my age, and I'm sure it's all me....but I keep trying to make friends, I just can't seem to understand their expectations, because they seem to change.
I've always had lots of guy friends. There seems to be a blunt, honest, easy form of communication with them that suits me better. When it comes to girls, I feel I have to work harder because I always seem to come off to them with impressions I never intend. I know this, because they seem to gossip about this to everyone else, and it eventually gets back to me.
Right now I have one friend I've made in my new town I've moved to, and I can be myself with her. It's the first time in a long time I have relaxed around a woman and been able to enjoy conversations, learning, sharing experiences, and really build a relationship. And...she hasn't punched me in the face when I tell her she's very pretty. LOL
This is probably the worst area for me, so here goes, I may have something to learn.
My first encounter with girls in elementary school was an interesting one. I thought this one girl was very pretty, but had not the confidence to tell her so, so I would look at her try to think of a way to tell her how pretty she was. She was a taller girl than any of us in class, and she was known to be a bully.
She came up to me one day on the playground and punched me in the face. When my friends asked her why she did that, she said, "she always stares at me, and its rude!" This was where I learned the value of body language, communication, and basically how hard being friends with girls was going to be for me in life.
Speed up to today: I have maybe two girl friends that I talk to regularly. Everyone else is either a work acquaintance, or married to a man I know. It is very hard to find a girl with the same personality, same interests, and can relate to my experiences in life to be able to really communicate. There seems to be a block when I try to understand and relate to other girls my age, and I'm sure it's all me....but I keep trying to make friends, I just can't seem to understand their expectations, because they seem to change.
I've always had lots of guy friends. There seems to be a blunt, honest, easy form of communication with them that suits me better. When it comes to girls, I feel I have to work harder because I always seem to come off to them with impressions I never intend. I know this, because they seem to gossip about this to everyone else, and it eventually gets back to me.
Right now I have one friend I've made in my new town I've moved to, and I can be myself with her. It's the first time in a long time I have relaxed around a woman and been able to enjoy conversations, learning, sharing experiences, and really build a relationship. And...she hasn't punched me in the face when I tell her she's very pretty. LOL
always, always remember, You choose your friends, they don't choose you.
and yanno something...some women are so naturally pretty, you can't help but look at them...and wish? but there are also a lot of really good looking men out there to...beauty is something you should never be afraid to admire...be it a material thing or a human being...but as we grow older, we learn quickly that beauty can only be skin deep, as they say, but having a beautiful inner friendship can be more spiritually appealing then anything else in the world.
I've heard men say, they don't understand the bond that some women display...the loyalty to each other, regardless....the kind of friends, that you'd be there for regardless...no matter what...and, I've been fortunate enough to have had that kind of friendship in women several times in my life...
I'm pretty much like you, in that, I grew up the only girl in my neighborhood of about 20 guys. So, I suppose that's why for the longest time in my life, I had more male friends then female friends...I was pretty cut and dry and still am due to that...
I've been fortunate in my lifetime to have had some very special women in my life....one, was truly an angel...but left this life way to early....
Have you ever noticed that some women can only have one friend at a time? I don't get that?
Surrounding yourself with good friends is a tremondous experience....and when you realize love and respect for yourself, it seems that more people gravitate for you...b/c I believe they can feel your honest, and they can feel secure that your not after what they have....? I dunno, but I don't believe there is any bond, like the bond between women...
always, always remember, You choose your friends, they don't choose you.
My problem would be the separation from acquaintence, to actual friendship. I tend to overshare in my eagerness to make that friend connection, and when I pull back it sends all the wrong signals. Is it possible that someone just sucks at making friends? This is partly the reason I am earning my degree in communications...it can only help me understand the bigger picture here and where I may be going wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
and yanno something...some women are so naturally pretty, you can't help but look at them...and wish? but there are also a lot of really good looking men out there to...beauty is something you should never be afraid to admire...be it a material thing or a human being...but as we grow older, we learn quickly that beauty can only be skin deep, as they say, but having a beautiful inner friendship can be more spiritually appealing then anything else in the world.
In thinking back to my example on the playground, her name was Tara, can't believe I still remember that, I think I wanted to find out why she was a bully, and I think that if I could help her see how pretty she was, that she wouldn't terrorize the playground. That was a child's thinking there, I love it how my husband will point out someone who's beautiful to him, and I don't see the attraction, then he'll go into detail about her confidence shines around her, how her smile lights up the area, and how she's radiating something from inside.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
Have you ever noticed that some women can only have one friend at a time? I don't get that?
I can probably shed some light on this from my perspective because if you looked into my life as I have lived it, it appears that is exactly what I do, but unintentionally. I had a flock of girls I was friends with in highschool, all to which were jealous and kept track of who I called more, who I donated make-up to more, or if I went to the movies with one friend more than the other. I got so tired of these highschool games that I ended up dating a guy and let them believe that's why I ditched them all, to spend all my time with him. Honestly, I just didn't know how to please everyone, and got tired and exhausted trying. But when it came down to actually needing a true friend to be there for me, I never felt they were capable of doing it because nothing was in it for them. I felt that friends were always going to use me for a purpose then ditch me anyways, because those were the "friends" I tended to find. In the end, I stopped making friends for a long long time. I have just one friend now, the other one lives across the country and now that she's married she doesn't return my calls or e-mails, and I'm sadly o.k. with that. I have time and energy to give to my friend in person here, and she's letting me learn how to have a girlfriend, she's patient and understanding, and it's the best I can do. My husband pointed out when talking about my toxic family to me that "family, friends, and love is a two way street. I've watched you walk the street to them so many times, and they never walk to you. You should walk with me for a while, I'll meet you half way because I love you."
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee
Surrounding yourself with good friends is a tremondous experience....and when you realize love and respect for yourself, it seems that more people gravitate for you...b/c I believe they can feel your honest, and they can feel secure that your not after what they have....? I dunno, but I don't believe there is any bond, like the bond between women...
and I'm not gay, or talking about being gay...
Creme
I haven't had those experiences with women to agree with you...yet anyways. I come from a harsh mom, and two older sisters who weren't very nice to me growing up, one of them being a lesbian and won't talk to anyone in the family unless she's extremely drunk.
I see women with great bonds to each other, and I have always been o.k. with never having that experience. Either I'm afraid of giving that much of myself to a woman before I can feel I trust her not to gossip and manipulate, or I just don't want to invest the time to find out. Either way, I hope this friend I have now lasts a lifetime because she understands and gets me, and we're two polar opposite people which leads very interesting topics of conversation.
As long as we are generalizing here, yeah- I am not into the "make-up and gossip" that you think most women are. There ARE some very shallow women out there- just as there are very shallow men that are only into sports, work or cars.
I try to choose friends of both sexes that can teach me something, are fun to be with, and think in an interesting way. That means my "shallow friend" might have something to share only when we are looking for fun, and my "guy friend" may only bond when we go to a game. But my BEST friends are the ones that make me laugh - and 'get' how I think - and can help me through a bad day or celebrate a great one. It seems (to me) that women are better at the closeness needed for that to happen.
What has worked well for me over the years is choosing other female athletes as friends.
If someone is only concerned with hair and makeup and lists "shopping" as her hobby, well she's not the friend for me!
Yeah, I hear ya...
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but there are also a lot of really good looking men out there to...beauty is something you should never be afraid to admire...be it a material thing or a human being...but as we grow older, we learn quickly that beauty can only be skin deep, as they say, but having a beautiful inner friendship can be more spiritually appealing then anything else in the world.
I love it how my husband will point out someone who's beautiful to him, and I don't see the attraction, then he'll go into detail about her confidence shines around her, how her smile lights up the area, and how she's radiating something from inside. 
