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No rules. Never knew anyone to pay any attention to such silliness. People write books with that nonsense in there, but in the real world, people simply do what feels right and works for them.
Rules very much matter and those who believe in them generally build better relationships. In fact my wife and I both had rules about dating and would not settle for those who didn't. Many times following rules was a sign of respect for the one you are dating.
Rules very much matter and those who believe in them generally build better relationships. In fact my wife and I both had rules about dating and would not settle for those who didn't. Many times following rules was a sign of respect for the one you are dating.
Read the post. We aren't talking about being disrespectful. I certainly have standards - most of us do I hope. But I see that as a totally different issue from what the OP is asking about.
"dating rules, like call the next day, call after 3 days, try to make someone like you by being funny, using clever lines and so on".
Read the post. We aren't talking about being disrespectful. I certainly have standards - most of us do I hope. But I see that as a totally different issue from what the OP is asking about.
"dating rules, like call the next day, call after 3 days, try to make someone like you by being funny, using clever lines and so on".
I read the post and his first sentence said this.
I read online about all these dating rules, like call the next day, call after 3 days, try to make someone like you by being funny, using clever lines and so on.
The orginal poster used a few examples of dating rules but not all of them. He even said "Like" as a means of mentioning a few. The question is how far should rules apply to dating? I have known a few women who will date more than one guy at a time. In their own minds, they had no rules as far as dating.
I read online about all these dating rules, like call the next day, call after 3 days, try to make someone like you by being funny, using clever lines and so on.
The orginal poster used a few examples of dating rules but not all of them. He even said "Like" as a means of mentioning a few. The question is how far should rules apply to dating? I have known a few women who will date more than one guy at a time. In their own minds, they had no rules as far as dating.
And I think you are heading in a different direction than the poster. I wouldn't date anyone that did not show respect. Is that a "rule"? Could be, I just don't think that is what the OP was talking about. But carry on!!
My point is you can't make someone like you and you can't fake confidence by using "rules". Anyone agree/disagree?
Yeah, I know.. I read what everyone else said.. Rules are silly, pointless, and generally just stupid.
But, I'll have to disagree to a point. Without going into a dissertation on the complexities and history of dating paradigms, a lot of these "rules" have some substance.. Like making someone like you by being funny. Well, I think that's just common sense. Take out the "make" and you have a generally true statement.. People enjoy being around people that make them smile. So sure, I think that rule is cool - but at the same time I don't think anyone should ever "force" it as a rule. Be yourself, if you think something is funny, and you share it with someone else, either they will agree or not. Eventually, you'll meet someone with your same sense of humor regardless of any rule.
Using funny lines? Hell, I do that all the time, but that's just my personality. I'll take a lame pick-up line and make it so atrocious that it just is funny.. But I won't do that just to pick up a chick, that's just absurd.
I'm just sayin' that there is some truth to these lame rules, but that truth is just common sense, it's part of who we are. I personally think that these rules were invented so that someone with no self-esteem can have a crutch until they realize that the rules are really pointless, and that people are interested in that person because of who they are, not because of any pre-defined set of rules.
And yeah, you're right.. It's in a way like an interview, in a way.. It's said that you only have about 7 seconds to make a first impression, and about 3 mins to make a lasting one. For a job interview, sure, that's important.. but for meeting people? Well, either they are going to like ya for who you are or they won't. Screw the rules.
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those aren't rules
Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat
I read online about all these dating rules, like call the next day, call after 3 days, try to make someone like you by being funny, using clever lines and so on.
Does any of this really work? I can understand wanting to not be too clingy by calling several times a day or any other crazy/needy type behavior. But in my experience, as long as you act relatively normal, you can neither make someone like you much more or less than they already do. It's sort of the same idea as job interviews. They pretty much make their decision in the first 10 minutes of meeting you and everything else is just looking for red flags. If someone is really into you and available they won't care if you call the next day and ask you to go out the following day or if you call in 3 days to go out 2 days later. My point is you can't make someone like you and you can't fake confidence by using "rules". Anyone agree/disagree?
those are recommendations.
i think people who use the dating sites should have a forum on the site to say what they would add to the list of recommendations...
for example: trying to quit smoking is probably a way of saying: this is just a pretense - spend all your hope on waiting (it's been 5 years)
hobbies: wishful thinking - the truth becomes apparent quickly but the understanding of this situation takes much longer as negotiations fail repeatedly - it simply doesn't seem truly obvious quickly enough (realized fully after 5 years)
when i posted in that venue, there was some wishful thinking on my part (my page) but i really did it in as much of a wysiwyg way as i could. i found others didn't. of course i didn't say i struggle with my slobbiness & that i'm a failed perfectionist. but i put the good stuff out there & i wasn't posing about those things. the good stuff was in 'wysiwyg'.
my reflection above is from my experience. i've reached a plateau that feels like a cliff.
Go with the flow, I say. Call if you feel like calling, don't call if you don't.
There's something very dishonest about that 3 day game, for example, to me. Waiting 3 days isn't going to make you any more or less desperate/clingy/needy/(insert unflattering term here) than you actually are. It'll come out eventually. It always does.
Be yourself. If that doesn't work, work on yourself.
Well, if you're just glorified sex buddies, then it's fine.
Otherwise it shows a severe lack of respect for the people you're involved with, their feelings, and their time.
I agree sort of -- I don't mean have a relationship with more than one guy at a time. I firmly believe though that unless you have talked about being in a committed relationship, you don't need to date only one person at a time.
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those aren't rules
