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I was reading Tyler Fitzgerald's struggle with his longing of a girl for 20 years here and it made me realized that I had a similar story to his. So I would like guidance on what I should do.
My story began 3.5 years ago. I was a freshman in college and he was my housemate. We've lived in the same dorm and I thought we had build a decent connection with each other. It was not until the second semester of freshman year when I started developing feelings for him. By the end of the year, I asked to live off campus with him and he agreed.
In the first semester of sophmore year, I had issues (drama) with one of the other tenants who was living in the same house as us. I don't want to play the victim as I allowed that particular tenant to treat me that way without telling him to back off. Needless to say, I was quite mentally unstable and took it out (by acting psychotic-ish) on this friend and those that lived in the same house. After that particular tenant left, our relationship was quite rocky. I was still not fully mentally stable. We never talked anymore and we did our own thing, despite living in the same house. He was always in his room afterwards, while I was in mine.
We took our separate paths by the end of sophmore year without resolving anything or speaking about it. In my junior year, I've seen him around campus a few times and I've only spoken to him once briefly when he passed by me(not about this issue...small talk).
Currently, I am in my senior year of college, but the guilt is eating up inside me. I really want to try and reach out to him and really talk about what happened in sophomore year. I also want to apologize for my behavior and hope that he would be willing to repair the "friendship" that was broken (I think it's a friendship, but sometimes, he is a bit distant....), but I am quite afraid that he would reject my approach, which would make me broken-hearted. That is the main thing that is preventing me from contacting him. My goal is not to attempt to go into a relationship with him. I just want to ease this guilt, apologize for my unjustified actions towards him, and to repair the friendship.
So netizens, please advise me on whether I should do it and how should I go about it. Your insights will be much appreciated.
we should not regret the things we've done, only the things we haven't.
if you decide to do it, and it goes wrong, will you be any worse off ?
you've nothing to lose, except maybe some short term dignity if he rejects it.
is it as well to be broken hearted and move on, as to be eaten by guilt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Le Lune
I was reading Tyler Fitzgerald's struggle with his longing of a girl for 20 years here and it made me realized that I had a similar story to his. So I would like guidance on what I should do.
My story began 3.5 years ago. I was a freshman in college and he was my housemate. We've lived in the same dorm and I thought we had build a decent connection with each other. It was not until the second semester of freshman year when I started developing feelings for him. By the end of the year, I asked to live off campus with him and he agreed.
In the first semester of sophmore year, I had issues (drama) with one of the other tenants who was living in the same house as us. I don't want to play the victim as I allowed that particular tenant to treat me that way without telling him to back off. Needless to say, I was quite mentally unstable and took it out (by acting psychotic-ish) on this friend and those that lived in the same house. After that particular tenant left, our relationship was quite rocky. I was still not fully mentally stable. We never talked anymore and we did our own thing, despite living in the same house. He was always in his room afterwards, while I was in mine.
We took our separate paths by the end of sophmore year without resolving anything or speaking about it. In my junior year, I've seen him around campus a few times and I've only spoken to him once briefly when he passed by me(not about this issue...small talk).
Currently, I am in my senior year of college, but the guilt is eating up inside me. I really want to try and reach out to him and really talk about what happened in sophomore year. I also want to apologize for my behavior and hope that he would be willing to repair the "friendship" that was broken (I think it's a friendship, but sometimes, he is a bit distant....), but I am quite afraid that he would reject my approach, which would make me broken-hearted. That is the main thing that is preventing me from contacting him. My goal is not to attempt to go into a relationship with him. I just want to ease this guilt, apologize for my unjustified actions towards him, and to repair the friendship.
So netizens, please advise me on whether I should do it and how should I go about it. Your insights will be much appreciated.
Talk to him. Don't mention the words 'mentally unstable', though, say something along the lines of how much the situation 'ate at you'. Also, try to keep it simple and short. Avoid the scenarios in which you might give him the impression that the outcome of this confession is extremely important to you. All that to help yourself speak in a casual manner and help him respond without feeling there's any pressure on his shoulders.
Apologize. It is not necessary for him to accept it but at the very least you should explain where you were coming from and what you were thinking. Make the effort, at least. What he does with it is his business. This is a loose end - tie it up.
Apologies are never a bad thing. You have nothing to lose but a little pride. If you owe him an apology, then call him and apologize. If he accepts your apology, great. If he doesn't, move on knowing you did the right thing.
Definitely apologize. This thing has dragged on too long already and apologizing will give you some closure. I'd hope that he'd be gracious about it, but even if he isn't you will have done the right thing and that's what counts. It shows a lot of maturity on your part that you want to tie up this loose thread in your life. Best wishes.
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