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I was visiting NYC and an attracitive man approached me. He seemed like a nice, sweet guy with a good personality. But I was hesitant about giving him my phone number. He was persistent and got my phone number. We talked for a while on the phone and started to hang out. We had great chemistry and he started falling for me. I liked him but I didn't feel he was up to my standards. I was 19 lived in Connecticut, had a car, was working and going to college but lived at home. I also had an internet business but I work on it very rarely. He was 30, worked, no college edu/career/car, lived with his siblings in NYC but had aspiration of creating an entertainment company and being a rapper. I told him how I felt, some how I let it go and we progressed into a serious relationship.
We got intimate. The sex was good and got better since we communicated. The only snip I had about sex was that I wasn't completely satisfied since I was 19/20 and my sex drive was through the roof....I wanted it a couple of times per day and he was only going downtown like every 4-6mnth. I talked to him about it.. and he basically said that I was a freak and that I most likely will never be satisfied. I kind of wanted to breakup with him since I wasn't satisfied. I talked to my girl about it to see if what I was feeling was common. She said if a man didn't satisfy her enough or didn't do certain things she'd tell him to kick rocks. I felt shallow for wanting to break up with him for that, since the sex was good and it wasn't the most important part of a relationship. So, I left the topic alone and kind of suppressed my sex drive.
1yr goes by.... I couldn't work a lot of hours do to my classes, so I got laid off from my job. I got another job and continued going to school. 6months go by and I decided to take a break from school and decided to quit my job. I focused more on my internet business and that soon become my sole income. He got laid off from his job like 2months before the economic crisis hit do to a customer being racist. He got unemployment and wanted to make his music career his top priority since he had more time and some income.
He's a great guy....caring, sweet, open-minded, optimistic, respectful, a realist, understanding and strong. We've officially been together for 3yrs now. We've talked about moving in together throughout the 2 years. But I was hesitant since my credit wasn't perfect, I was paying student loans, and I wasn't sure if he could pay his half of the rent since he was already living paycheck to paycheck. I expressed my feelings about this and his response was everyone has bills and I should only worry about my half of the rent and he'd have his half when the time came. I wasn't about to get an apartment when I still had past bills to pay and it just didn't make sense to me to load more bills onto my plate. So his response made me more hesitant, so I said I wasn't ready at the time.
I've been thinking about the future ...where I'm going, where he's going, where the relationship is going. I plan on going back to college with in the next year to get my assoc then my bach. I want to either get my own place or move in with him. I asked what his future plans were. He stated that he was going use the unemployment money to get by, try and get his music career off the ground and then perhaps train for a security guard job. He licensed his company in 1999 and didn't start to get serious about it until 2007. I started my business in 2007 and the more work I put into it the better it gets(obviously lol). Its now 2009 almost 2010, so I asked him how is he going to get his music career off the ground... since he doesn't have a computer, recording equipment, blank disc, major industry connections, a fanbase, promotion, or booking/shows. I wanted to know how he planned on getting his company off the ground without savings or investing in equipment. He responded that his friend had a computer, recording equipment and said that blank cd's/printing wouldn't be much money. As for marketing and distribution he would be taking care of that by himself. I was like ok, what happens if being a rapper doesn't working out. He said he'd become a producer. I asked do you know how to produce... and he said no but he could learn. I asked him why didn't he go to college for music, producing, and small business. He said he felt like college would have been a waste of his time and he didn't need it. Everyone has there own opinion on college so I was like ok.
He accepts me for who I am and what I do. He has been supportive of me through everything I've presued. I haven't been supportive of his music career but I accept him and have never tried to change him or push him away from his career. He accepts the fact that I don't support his music career, because he knows that his faith in himself is the only thing that matters. I feel bad that I don't support his music career and it sadden's me even more that his friends and family don't think he'll make it. I don't know if my lack of support is because I'm young or because I don't see progress in what he's doing. I know that my opinion doesn't matter since its not my dream but that's how I feel.
We love, respect, and trust each other. Were loyal, honest and have great chemistry. We never fight and rarely have an argument. He's not abusive, mean, derogatory(never has called me b*tch, hoe, etc no matter what I say to him) and he even cooks for me and does my laundry. We have a relationship that many people search for. We are so close and discuss everything. One night he noticed that I was upset and asked me what's wrong. I said nothing because I knew that what I was feeling might hurt him but he pried it out of me anyway. It took me 3hrs to say I feel like your not going anywhere. I asked him why do you stay with me if I'm not supportive of your career and feel like your below my standards. He said because I don't see things like you do and I love you.
I love him too but I'm wondering where his future is going and whether I want to be apart of it. I feel in love with him, so I kind of pushed my feelings/standards under the rug. But as I get older and as he gets older the basic things about him like the fact that he's 32, jobless, no career, no car, not living on his own, not as sexually aggressive as I am, and has an unstable future is starting to wear at me. I understand that its hard times right now and I know that I'm not an A+ either but I'm 22 and have plans/goals. I know that he may not be the person I will marry but If I've been with him for 3yrs whos to say 3 won't become 9. I don't expect him to support or carry me but I fear that I'm settling for less. I spoke to him about this and he responded maybe I'm feeling this way about him because I really feel that I have no future and that I'm going no where in life. I don't blame him for saying that because if someone told me the stuff that I tell him.... I know I wouldn't be pleasant towards that person. It just seems like when I have problems concerning him he says that I'm crazy and or I'm making something out of nothing. I can honestly say that deep down inside I fear that I will be futureless, struggling and working a minimum wage job at 30-40yrs old. I fear that existence because that's what my mom has and continues to go through and I see how hard it was/is for her. I don't want to end up like that.
I do kind of feel like I'm being a hypocrite because I'm 22, making money decent money, not in college right now, and living at home. So its like how can I expect someone I'm with or a potential mate to have career and apartment since I don't have it. But at the same time I'm not 32. If you haven't made a life for yourself by 32 then when the hell will you. Not everyone is Kayne or Jay-z and I'm not waiting around if or until he hits it big. I feel guilty for thinking/wanting to break up with him because I feel like he's going no where. I love him and there's nothing seriously wrong in our relationship. He's my first true love and I've learned/growed so much because of him. He's become my best friend and I couldn't imagine not being able to talk to him if we broke up. I don't want to give up a good thing or break his heart because I'm being stupid or unreasonable/unrealistic. But I also don't want to regret and be hateful towards him because I felt that I settle for less. Thats not fare to either one of us.
So I guess I'm looking for advice, similar situations and wondering if you've ever broke up or let go of someone you truly loved even if it was a good relationship.
Many years ago I was very much in love with someone who I eventually let go for precisely the same reasons as you've written. He was a "perpetual student" and had all sorts of goals, dreams and aspirations but just couldn't get anything together.
I remained in touch with some of his family with whom I'd had a lovely relationship and, after a long dry spell, they got back in touch with me a year or so ago and we once again caught up on all the news. The ex-lover still has done nothing productive with his life. He's wandered from place to place, gone from one "career" to another, got into some trouble with the law, been in and out of relationships and is just, well, aimless. They asked me if I'd like his contact info and I declined.
Good luck to you and I hope you eventually make the right decision for YOU.
When I was your age I ended a 5 year relationship with a perfectly wonderful man because we came to an impasse about the religion we'd raise our children (I'm Jewish, he's Catholic). We'd discussed it over the years, of course, but when it came down to brass tacks, it suddenly became more important to him than he'd realized. With heavy hearts still filled to the brim with love, we said our goodbyes.
Sometimes there are critical issues that become deal-breakers, even if everything else is perfect. You don't sound happy. It seems obvious that you won't be happy long-term if you're the one pulling the financial weight in the family, and that is a perfectly fair reason not to continue pursuing a relationship.
You're still very young. It may seem foolish to walk away from an otherwise kind, loyal and loving man, but you aren't buying a puppy, you're seeking a life partner. I used my college sweetheart as the gauge by which I measured every man I dated (and he later told me he did the same with the women he dated). I gained a lot from that relationship, including a better sense of self. It sounds like you've gained a lot, including a better sense of your self, as well.
I had a GREAT time being single in my 20s and met the man of my dreams in my 30s who is now my husband. We have a fabulous relationship that is fulfilling in every way conceivable. He completes me.
Don't settle. You're young. There's plenty of time.
Yes. You can love and adore each other and treat each other wonderfully and have great family relations, but it only takes one key missing ingredient to make you realize you need something or someone else...and let it go.
Too long to read, but yes. I left someone of two years as I was getting a transfer and she didnt want to move, and wasn't ready to remarry. Didnt date for a year or so after that.
1. Sex - he's past his peak years, and it will only decline for him; you will have increased libido after your child-bearing years.
2. Education: he has no use for it - will he support you getting more? Will he value your decision to return to school?
3. Future - you sound like a planner, looking to the future; he is stuck in the moment, not a thought for the future, and no drive. He has dreams, but expects things to "happen to him" rather than putting forth effort to make it happen.
I didn't break up with someone who wasn't my love; but I did marry someone I knew wasn't right for me - lots of reasons. 28 years later we had a very nasty divorce. I found the man I wished I had waited for 30 years ago. It's late in life, I wasted 30 good years, but thank goodness it's not TOO late.
I was visiting NYC and an attracitive man approached me. He seemed like a nice, sweet guy with a good personality. But I was hesitant about giving him my phone number. He was persistent and got my phone number. We talked for a while on the phone and started to hang out. We had great chemistry and he started falling for me. I liked him but I didn't feel he was up to my standards. I was 19 lived in Connecticut, had a car, was working and going to college but lived at home. I also had an internet business but I work on it very rarely. He was 30, worked, no college edu/career/car, lived with his siblings in NYC but had aspiration of creating an entertainment company and being a rapper. I told him how I felt, some how I let it go and we progressed into a serious relationship.
We got intimate. The sex was good and got better since we communicated. The only snip I had about sex was that I wasn't completely satisfied since I was 19/20 and my sex drive was through the roof....I wanted it a couple of times per day and he was only going downtown like every 4-6mnth. I talked to him about it.. and he basically said that I was a freak and that I most likely will never be satisfied. I kind of wanted to breakup with him since I wasn't satisfied. I talked to my girl about it to see if what I was feeling was common. She said if a man didn't satisfy her enough or didn't do certain things she'd tell him to kick rocks. I felt shallow for wanting to break up with him for that, since the sex was good and it wasn't the most important part of a relationship. So, I left the topic alone and kind of suppressed my sex drive.
1yr goes by.... I couldn't work a lot of hours do to my classes, so I got laid off from my job. I got another job and continued going to school. 6months go by and I decided to take a break from school and decided to quit my job. I focused more on my internet business and that soon become my sole income. He got laid off from his job like 2months before the economic crisis hit do to a customer being racist. He got unemployment and wanted to make his music career his top priority since he had more time and some income.
He's a great guy....caring, sweet, open-minded, optimistic, respectful, a realist, understanding and strong. We've officially been together for 3yrs now. We've talked about moving in together throughout the 2 years. But I was hesitant since my credit wasn't perfect, I was paying student loans, and I wasn't sure if he could pay his half of the rent since he was already living paycheck to paycheck. I expressed my feelings about this and his response was everyone has bills and I should only worry about my half of the rent and he'd have his half when the time came. I wasn't about to get an apartment when I still had past bills to pay and it just didn't make sense to me to load more bills onto my plate. So his response made me more hesitant, so I said I wasn't ready at the time.
I've been thinking about the future ...where I'm going, where he's going, where the relationship is going. I plan on going back to college with in the next year to get my assoc then my bach. I want to either get my own place or move in with him. I asked what his future plans were. He stated that he was going use the unemployment money to get by, try and get his music career off the ground and then perhaps train for a security guard job. He licensed his company in 1999 and didn't start to get serious about it until 2007. I started my business in 2007 and the more work I put into it the better it gets(obviously lol). Its now 2009 almost 2010, so I asked him how is he going to get his music career off the ground... since he doesn't have a computer, recording equipment, blank disc, major industry connections, a fanbase, promotion, or booking/shows. I wanted to know how he planned on getting his company off the ground without savings or investing in equipment. He responded that his friend had a computer, recording equipment and said that blank cd's/printing wouldn't be much money. As for marketing and distribution he would be taking care of that by himself. I was like ok, what happens if being a rapper doesn't working out. He said he'd become a producer. I asked do you know how to produce... and he said no but he could learn. I asked him why didn't he go to college for music, producing, and small business. He said he felt like college would have been a waste of his time and he didn't need it. Everyone has there own opinion on college so I was like ok.
He accepts me for who I am and what I do. He has been supportive of me through everything I've presued. I haven't been supportive of his music career but I accept him and have never tried to change him or push him away from his career. He accepts the fact that I don't support his music career, because he knows that his faith in himself is the only thing that matters. I feel bad that I don't support his music career and it sadden's me even more that his friends and family don't think he'll make it. I don't know if my lack of support is because I'm young or because I don't see progress in what he's doing. I know that my opinion doesn't matter since its not my dream but that's how I feel.
We love, respect, and trust each other. Were loyal, honest and have great chemistry. We never fight and rarely have an argument. He's not abusive, mean, derogatory(never has called me b*tch, hoe, etc no matter what I say to him) and he even cooks for me and does my laundry. We have a relationship that many people search for. We are so close and discuss everything. One night he noticed that I was upset and asked me what's wrong. I said nothing because I knew that what I was feeling might hurt him but he pried it out of me anyway. It took me 3hrs to say I feel like your not going anywhere. I asked him why do you stay with me if I'm not supportive of your career and feel like your below my standards. He said because I don't see things like you do and I love you.
I love him too but I'm wondering where his future is going and whether I want to be apart of it. I feel in love with him, so I kind of pushed my feelings/standards under the rug. But as I get older and as he gets older the basic things about him like the fact that he's 32, jobless, no career, no car, not living on his own, not as sexually aggressive as I am, and has an unstable future is starting to wear at me. I understand that its hard times right now and I know that I'm not an A+ either but I'm 22 and have plans/goals. I know that he may not be the person I will marry but If I've been with him for 3yrs whos to say 3 won't become 9. I don't expect him to support or carry me but I fear that I'm settling for less. I spoke to him about this and he responded maybe I'm feeling this way about him because I really feel that I have no future and that I'm going no where in life. I don't blame him for saying that because if someone told me the stuff that I tell him.... I know I wouldn't be pleasant towards that person. It just seems like when I have problems concerning him he says that I'm crazy and or I'm making something out of nothing. I can honestly say that deep down inside I fear that I will be futureless, struggling and working a minimum wage job at 30-40yrs old. I fear that existence because that's what my mom has and continues to go through and I see how hard it was/is for her. I don't want to end up like that.
I do kind of feel like I'm being a hypocrite because I'm 22, making money decent money, not in college right now, and living at home. So its like how can I expect someone I'm with or a potential mate to have career and apartment since I don't have it. But at the same time I'm not 32. If you haven't made a life for yourself by 32 then when the hell will you. Not everyone is Kayne or Jay-z and I'm not waiting around if or until he hits it big. I feel guilty for thinking/wanting to break up with him because I feel like he's going no where. I love him and there's nothing seriously wrong in our relationship. He's my first true love and I've learned/growed so much because of him. He's become my best friend and I couldn't imagine not being able to talk to him if we broke up. I don't want to give up a good thing or break his heart because I'm being stupid or unreasonable/unrealistic. But I also don't want to regret and be hateful towards him because I felt that I settle for less. Thats not fare to either one of us.
So I guess I'm looking for advice, similar situations and wondering if you've ever broke up or let go of someone you truly loved even if it was a good relationship.
Wow! You had your own internet business at 18? D$M, girl that's really good! I was still kicking rocks around at that age much less knew about computers.
Well, the guy DOES sound like a decent guy going by your story, however, you worry about the future due to his lack of previous and current stability which is quite reasonable. This is really tough because I know what it's like to go after your dreams but yet at the same time bills need to be paid while you chase the dreams; add a woman to the mix while you are a unstable man and things only get worse because women like stability, safety, comfort; and fluffy pillows.
Well, if this guy REALLY wanted to be a music man, I really don't understand why he would even decide to date you??? He should be going all out full steam ahead and just ride the music vehicle until the wheels falls off! Afterwords, or once he makes a REAL breakthrough, then he should date! Really, it's this type of dedication that you haft to have in order to make it to the top. If he is not eating and sleeping music then he is just kicking rocks no matter how nice he is or how badly he tells you he wants the dream.
On the other hand, if he REALLY cared about YOU he would get a job, buy a car, and at least get his own apartment so in case you got pregnant he could take care of you and so forth. So it seems to me that he is stuck in a comfort zone, getting free money from the government, dipping into your honey pot (sex), and living with his relatives. Is this the kind of man you want if you got pregnant?
I say, let him go, which will shake up his world, he will either get his act together during this time or he won't. Just let him go for about 6mo or a year then see where he is at when you followup; if he is still in the same boat when you return or he has some new young girl then you just caught his bluff and saved yourself years of extra difficulty.
Too long to read Well then, I guess you don't own a copy of War & Peace?
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Well then, I guess you don't own a copy of War & Peace?
