Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In my mind, exclusivity does not need to be spoken of, you just kind of know. My friends, on the other hand, assume that if a guy doesn't ask me to stop seeing other people, its not official. I just always thought men don't ask about exclusivity, my ex never did and I hear other men don't either.
The guy I'm seeing, I've known for about a month and I think its too soon to even put pressure on speaking about exclusivity. But all my friends keep bugging me that its weird that he hasn't made anything official by now. I know he's serious by the things he says and by the way he is with me and we've already met each other's friends too. I could just be acting naive, but in my gut, I don't think so.
so what do you guys think? am I really being naive? I don't feel right asking about exclusivity. I feel that he will think he has me no matter what wrong he does and that's not true.
Most guys won't mention exclusivity unless they're very sure they want it (keeping options open!). It seems to me (in my limited experience) that it's usually the woman who brings up the subject when they think it's time. You may be "de facto" exclusive already, but until you talk about it, you can't assume it without possibly being blindsided and disappointed.
One month seems awfully fast, unless you spend almost all your free time together anyway, and he may want or need more time. Three months seems like a good amount of time to be sure enough of each other to make the decision and have the discussion. If he agrees to exclusivity, then he should be honoring the commitment. Right now, he can do as he pleases whatever you think or want.
Most guys won't mention exclusivity unless they're very sure they want it (keeping options open!). It seems to me (in my limited experience) that it's usually the woman who brings up the subject when they think it's time. You may be "de facto" exclusive already, but until you talk about it, you can't assume it without possibly being blindsided and disappointed.
One month seems awfully fast, unless you spend almost all your free time together anyway, and he may want or need more time. Three months seems like a good amount of time to be sure enough of each other to make the decision and have the discussion. If he agrees to exclusivity, then he should be honoring the commitment. Right now, he can do as he pleases whatever you think or want.
ya I think its stupid for a woman to bring it up. way to make a man think he can do as he pleases. the exclusivity thing has sort of come up in an indirect way so taht's why my gut tells me we are, however, I'm not exactly saying we are until its been long enough for me to see that he really wants that.
but ya, a month does seem kinda soon to bring it up. we have been spending a lot of our free time together though and we talk every day that we can't see each other, lately twice a day. I was thinking 3 months too, as a good time frame. I don't know why all my friends think we're taking so long lol.
Maybe. Maybe not. Depends on the dynamics of the situation.
I would say that it is about as early as you would want to broach the subject, but 6 months is probably too late. Somewhere in there is the right answer.
If you two are starting to get serious, and you want exclusivity, you need to start thinking about having the discussion.
To me, today, everyone is into the instant gratification mode. What is the rush to extract exclusivity from him? Date, enjoy each others company, there is no set timeframe for exclusivity.
You sound much more mature than your friends...this is good...relax, enjoy yourself.
To me, today, everyone is into the instant gratification mode. What is the rush to extract exclusivity from him? Date, enjoy each others company, there is no set timeframe for exclusivity.
You sound much more mature than your friends...this is good...relax, enjoy yourself.
haha, thank you. to me, 2-3 months is a good time frame..depending on how we both feel. I have to make sure he isn't psycho the same way he has to make sure I'm not psycho before we both make a commitment. Right now I definitely am enjoying his company.
Nope, my wife and I were exclusive after two dates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mir86
assume that if a guy doesn't ask me to stop seeing other people, its not official. I just always thought men don't ask about exclusivity, my ex never did and I hear other men don't either.
The guy I'm seeing, I've known for about a month and I think its too soon to even put pressure on speaking about exclusivity. But all my friends keep bugging me that its weird that he hasn't made anything official by now. I know he's serious by the things he says and by the way he is with me and we've already met each other's friends too. I could just be acting naive, but in my gut, I don't think so.
so what do you guys think? am I really being naive? I don't feel right asking about exclusivity. I feel that he will think he has me no matter what wrong he does and that's not true.
Why is it up to him to bring it up and/or decide?
If it's concerns you, then bring it up. If it's not your style to ask, then don't. Don't assume you know how he operates. And tell your friends that the rest of the world doesn't operate according to their closed-minded rules, so they should butt out.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
lol.
