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I wonder why people think it's best if Mom or Dad or some elder chooses their mate. I have a friend who is from a different culture who has been married 15 years. He's a scholar, she is not (she did not finish school). They are also related pretty closely.
I suppose he was considered a catch once but I wonder at a woman's life being 'at the mercy' of her family--she is simply living out her days in unhappiness.
He is not a family man and interacts very little with the children. My friend has mentioned her children will probably be in arranged matches when they get older. It's how it is done.
I do respect other cultures and their practices but I think the people should be on the same educational level so there is something to at least talk about...just being 'related' and the 'same religion' is not enough.
Do you know anyone in an arranged marriage and are they happy?
Yes I do. I know two Indians, one in a very happy arranged marriage, the other in a very happy voluntary marriage. I imagine that, like most things, it works for some people and doesn't work for others. Voluntary marriages have the same problem.
I do not know anyone who had an arranged marriage. I did work with one guy whose parents were very involved in his choice of girlfriend. I think he was Armenian, but this was years ago and I don't remember well.
I think arranged marriages can work OK in cultures where marriage is seen as a great duty, so that the husband and wife try very hard to have a good life together. I don't believe in soulmates and feel that people could be happy with many different spouses, so if two people are deemed compatible and put together, the results can be good.
Unfortunately, the flip side of arranged marriage is that women rarely have equal rights in cultures that practice arranged marriage, so women are probably more likely to put up with infidelity or abuse. Divorce rates are lower in part because people don't get divorced much.
Yes I do. I know two Indians, one in a very happy arranged marriage, the other in a very happy voluntary marriage. I imagine that, like most things, it works for some people and doesn't work for others. Voluntary marriages have the same problem.
You see, though, Indians tend to make sure the partners are compatible on some level...educationally they seek like mates. Or they marry within their caste systems. They also make every effort to see the partners are astrologically compatible (believe in it or not). Something more than "the guy likes you. His family has honor in (insert the country)."
I think the women in some arranged marriages get the short end of the deal, again. No say in the guy. No say in their life afterward. Just drudgery.
It's fine if you live in these places but in the USA, well, life is just too different for many 'arranged marriages.'
In USA, when parents are opposed to the choice of young people - isn't it a precursor of the notion that older people know better? Young people here still can go ahead with "love", and more often than not they arrive (albeit emotionally bruised) to the same conclusion as their parents had years beforehand. They become better at judging potential partners on their second or third marriage, - but they could avoid the heartache with some reliance on the "elders".
In USA, when parents are opposed to the choice of young people - isn't it a precursor of the notion that older people know better? Young people here still can go ahead with "love", and more often than not they arrive (albeit emotionally bruised) to the same conclusion as their parents had years beforehand. They become better at judging potential partners on their second or third marriage, - but they could avoid the heartache with some reliance on the "elders".
I don't disagree SOME arranged marriages are fine. But in my friend's case, she is too different from the guy in temperament, in education, in anything. I know it was a case of he 'wanted her' when she was younger. That was it.
I admire a culture where the people (family) cares and wants to find a nice person for the daughter/son.
But honestly I would NOT want anyone telling me who to marry.
I would not want anybody telling me who to marry but that is probably because that is the concept I was raised with. If I was raised with the idea that my parents would choose my spouse that would just be accepted. Look at how poorly marriages do that people choose their own mates and surely the parents could only do better...
Look at how poorly marriages do that people choose their own mates and surely the parents could only do better...
And I think that in most voluntary arranged marriages, that there's not the expectation of fireworks and being swept off one's feet. Both people go into it with the idea that they're going to get to know each other, maybe start a family, and be a team. Love can come later.
I wonder why people think it's best if Mom or Dad or some elder chooses their mate. I have a friend who is from a different culture who has been married 15 years. He's a scholar, she is not (she did not finish school). They are also related pretty closely.
I suppose he was considered a catch once but I wonder at a woman's life being 'at the mercy' of her family--she is simply living out her days in unhappiness.
He is not a family man and interacts very little with the children. My friend has mentioned her children will probably be in arranged matches when they get older. It's how it is done.
I do respect other cultures and their practices but I think the people should be on the same educational level so there is something to at least talk about...just being 'related' and the 'same religion' is not enough.
Do you know anyone in an arranged marriage and are they happy?
Hi GypsySoul22,
As soon as the divorce rate is not 50% for first time marriages then I think we can pass on the secrete and tell other people how its done. I would say one should have veto power.
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