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from about 13 until 16. At 17 when i got my license i came out of my shell and i had a great 2 years of college. Then i started having academic and interpersonal difficulties. It took me 3 extra years to graduate from college but I did it. As i got into my career i slowly kind of reverted back to my isolative ways tho i was a totally changed person compared to who i was over 10 years prior. But then with the rat race and scramble to obtain things i could never achieve because i was in competition with other 'animals" I became withdrawn again. I have been out on my own for 18 years and am surviving but the loner traits never left me for long. at 47 i still don't feel ready for the rigors of the rat race and who knows if i ever will
In high school I was kind of the nerd type, had maybe 2 or 3 friends, and we were geeks. I was definately a wannabe, and would even try to go buy cigarettes to be 'one of the girls'. But that didnt work.
Afterwards though, was a whole new lifestyle and I no longer wanted to be someone else. Wow, what a difference.
Keeping up with classmates over the years some of those 'tough' girls had either gotten in trouble and went to jail, many changed and settled down, one became very religious, another became a cop, and sadly, one I knew was murdered.
Were you ever shy in high school, then became more outgoing in your 20s?
Yes!! At my 25th high school reunion, one of my old friends remembered me as being the shyest student in school. And now... I am extremely confident and outgoing.
Two main factors for my change in attitude are... my moving out of my parents' house and distancing myself from my strong-willed and extremely critical mother, and... getting a job as a waitress. That job forced me to interact with strangers and in a friendly way.
I helped my boyfriend overcome his shyness around strangers. My tips were:
1. Think about why you'd like to meet with them. Figure out what your common interests are.
2. If you can't think of much to talk about, then encourage them to talk about themselves. Find out what they are proud of doing.
3. Work on your sense of humour. Make them laugh. Don't take yourself and the possible new friendship so seriously.
4. Always leave on a high note. This phrase comes from an episode of Seinfeld. Know when to end the conversation and leave. Don't hang out with this person until there is nothing interesting or fun left to talk about. Exit while the interaction is still lively and fun to your friend. Give them a chance to miss your company and want more of it.
5. Learn to love yourself and your own company. If you don't love yourself, no one else will. And if you are happy by yourself, then you will never come across as needy or clingy to others.
6. Remember, sometimes even though we think that this new person will make a great friend or s/o, in reality there could be personality clashes. Not everyone is meant to click with each other. So if it's not happening in an easy or natural fashion, move on to the next person.
I think working or going to a school that has people that are more like you makes everyone come out of the shell a little bit. Get some job while in school where you have to deal with people. That will make a big change in how you are around others at any time because you will be used to the constant contact and communication.
Thank you very much for your advice, everyone! I really enjoyed reading through all of these responses (I was there the whole time I promise!). And although I felt like there was a touch of optimism in the posts, they were nonetheless very very encouraging and inspiring.
When you get to college and major in engineering you'll find an entire society of people like you.
Thats how it was with me in college. But I was still pretty much a loner in college too. It was still more supportive than high school, and I was fortunate to have roommates who would take me along with them to partys and events and helped me deal with people more.
What made it differnet for me was that I was gay, so keeping people at arms length & not letting them get to close to me was sort of a survival thing, which was complicated things. I'm still not sure what the relationship of the two was, being a loner and being a homo..whether I ended up a homo because of that, or I kept people away because I didn't want to be hurt. I guess that would be something to ask a psychologist if I felt I needed one.
Anyway. going to college for normal people is pretty liberating because you are being graded on what you love to do, and you are surrounded by people who are into what you are into, too. People really blossom in an environment like that.
Thank you very much for your advice, everyone! I really enjoyed reading through all of these responses (I was there the whole time I promise!). And although I felt like there was a touch of optimism in the posts, they were nonetheless very very encouraging and inspiring.
Once again, thanks for your help
My friend, even though you've been lurking in the shadows, I'm glad you got something out of this..
Just have faith bro.. life always has a way of taking care of itself.
I'm an 18 year old high school senior who's a male, and it's very hard for me to connect with people around me in general. The only ones I can decently have a good time with are the "geeks," which I partially consider myself as. The other side of me is I guess you can call a loner... however, this isn't my choice.
I feel like on some days, I can be really outgoing and confident, but on others, for some odd reason I can't seem to just relax. I don't know why... it's just a cycle. There is a girl that I'm technically going out with now but it's clear we're only infatuated with each other, as neither of us know each other very well. It's been a week since I've contacted her.
Yeah, so as you can see, my problems are multi-sided. However, there is one thing I can somewhat have pride in, and it's that I'm good at math and want to do engineering at the University of Texas at Austin. I can say that this is my only hope&dream.
I try my best to be helpful and unselfish, but sometimes this comes off as being "weak" or even "boring?" to others. I guess I was brought up this way, self-control before self-esteem. However, I know to talk when to talk, and nice but not a pushover.
If anyone's lived or walked a similar life, please help me out. If not, I would still love to hear your advice. Please, no sympathy, just the straight up truth of what I should expect from life, what's around the corner, and what I need to do to improve myself. Any input would be appreciated
First, if you feel like you're a geek then be a geek. Dude, I went through high school thinking I was the **** because I was good with the ladies and was good at sports. That's great and all for the little amount of time you spend in school.
When the free ride of high school was over, I quickly realized I was actually a geek inside, I just never acted on it. I had very little in common with the jocks I used to hang out with so I made soem life changes.
I'm so glad I did and I'm much happier for it. It's weird, but I was way more outgoing when I was in high school. I'm much more reserved and laid back now that I'm in my mid 20's.
Obviously our situations are different and reversed somewhat, but the main point is not to try to be something you aren't.
Nothing is worse than coming off as trying too hard. Good luck
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Were you ever shy in high school, then became more outgoing in your 20s?
