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Serve each other--make your spouse number 1, then the kids. Actually in my house, God is first, then each other, then the kids. But that may be for another forum, I know. It was hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea that my kids come last, but that's what we've tried to do.
That is important, Sapphire. We have the same philosophy, and in the end it's better for the family. If the parents keep the marriage strong, it keeps the family strong and makes the kids feel more secure. Good point to mention. (As all the points mentioned here - great to hear from people who like their partner and enjoy their marriage. Love positive vibes...)
Even when we argue, we end up laughing. Many things come and go, but if you can make each other laugh you'll be married forever.
I think this is the main ingredient for us.
We both have a highly developed sense of humor, though his is drier than mine.
We have been married for 25 years this month, and I truly think that the ability to laugh at ourselves, at our foibles, etc is what keeps things going.
I also agree that "couples" time is important.
This wasn't always easy, what with our boys' soccer and other activities.
I agree about forgiveness, too. Holding onto anger doesn't do a whole lot of good. Of course, that's where the sense of humor comes in.
I had all the things mentioned here in my marriage, except the physical attraction part. Butterflies, chemistry, or whatever you want to call it. He just didn't do it for me, and never really did. I thought he had a cute butt when he was younger. That's about it. He was a nice guy and I married him for his cute butt. Stupid. Didn't take long for him to get even heavier and lose the cute butt. I had gained weight, too, but didn't lose my figure. He was big to begin with and just became repulsive to me.
Even though he showered every day, he didn't smell "good" to me. Know what I mean? His normal, natural scent was never a turn on. His phermones did nothing for mine. He was attracted to me physically, though. But no matter how hard he tried and put forth a great effort, I felt nothing. And I tried to keep that a secret during our entire 13 year marriage. So sad.
Stay friends!! My husband and I are best friends, we love to spend time together. Communication is soooo important. He's always telling me how much he appreciates me and loves me, he thanks me for marrying him. I say the same to him. We just enjoy each other so much.
My wife and I have the best relationship after 8 years, but it hasn't been without its share of conflict. At one point, we were just a signature or two away from throwing it all away. It was pretty bad. But I believe it wouldn't be so good now if we hadn't gone through the fire and CHOSE to remain one.
I believe the best relationships are not the ones that are absent from conflict, but ones that dare and desire to resolve things in spite of. It's the little things undealt with that add up and chip away at a marriage. Do nothing, and it'll rust away from within.
At the risk of sounding mushy and "whipped" (which I'm not), I can say that my love for my wife continues to grow. Some folks say the best day was their wedding day, but I feel that each day gets better. Feelings come and go like the wind, but we are committed to one another.. 'till death. Easier said than done, but we've been there and are making it by God's grace.
Selfishness is a big marriage killer. But if both people shift their attention away from themselves and to each, then guess what? Both persons' needs are taken care of. We've done it wrong enough to know what works for us.
So now, in practice, we have date nights, walks, do things together, do things apart, talk, listen, laugh, occassional gift or gesture.
It's what two people have been through with eachother, and still manage, in spite of it all, to have hope for the marriage, fun with eachother, and goodwill.
There have been times through our 15 years where both of us have wanted out. But those times, one of us would step us to the plate.
Our marriage has been through illnesses, job loss, bankruptcy, periods of discontenment, periods of feeling like giving up. We have a teenage son, and a suprise baby who is now 5.
In fact it's facing all of lifes challenges, our marital conflicts, yet, still remembering the reason we fell in love.
It's not always bad, it's not always great, and sometimes it's just in between, but then there are times, when your heart just knows, that no one else could every replace them.
At those times, the spark is there, and that spark is enough to help endure the times when it's just about a flicker, if that.
I'm not married and don't plan to be for some time, but at a time when so many people seem to complain once they are such and generally aren't happy, it's encouraging and uplifting to see that there are people together still in love and making it work after dozens of years
I can't believe I am posting here .....
I remember calling my family and telling them "I met the most self-actualized" man I had ever known when I married him on the fly in Vegas. 12 years later he is still that man for me. We keep it fresh with special role playing date nights. Day to day we laugh, we hold the same political and social beliefs, but to the person who said sex, I agree. Sex is the best part of being married.
I posted in this thread my ideas earlier, but one further thought I had which I didn't appreciate the significance of in earlier marriage so much is the importance of "affirming" your spouse. Call it complimenting or whatever you want, but it's huge! We all have a need to be appreciated, and it really makes a difference in your relationship when you get that regularly from your spouse. And it's a two-way street. Ideally, you should both do it, but if your spouse doesn't, I would say just start doing it yourself anyway and see if they don't reciprocate.
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Affirmations
