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It's natural that upon spending so much time with this person your feelings / views may change. If you are ready to go to that next level then talk to him about it. But, if you feel you are going to regret it because maybe it's not what your religion would dictate, then, that's something you need to consider. Ultimately it's your choice.
Doing things by instinct, is fine. as long as the person has put in the time and hard work to develop those instincts correctly. Just doing what ever feels good, with little or no rational for your actions, is fool hardy and dangerous. Trusting ones thought processes takes time and hard work. But they must be honed first.
I may not follow your belief system on this but if you feel you are ready go with it but if you really want to stick to what you believe consult your Pastor (or whatever they are called in your religion) who might shed some light on it for you.
Put the brakes on - if you feel like you should move to the next level, are you going to get engaged? Married? Is this the man of your dreams who you want to spend the rest of your life with?
He sounds great, BTW. Respectful and honorable.
So if you're willing to have sex with him, you should be willing to marry him. 30 is old enough to know if he's the one. If he is, ask him about it. If you both agree, set a date.
If he's not the man you want to marry, you have to remove yourself from this temptation.
But for goodness sake, find your match soon. You're missing a lot in life, not having that helpmate!
I met this guy in August this year & we've been dating every since.
We spend a lot of time together & there has not been one day where we haven't spoken.
It started out as friends & I made it clear that I won't have sex with anyone else until married, so we both agreed not to have unmarital sex.
Up to this date, we've been spending a lot of time with each other on dates, going to church, & also just hanging around each other.
For the last month, I finally allowed him to come into my home where he has been cooking for me & we watch TV with each other every evening after work.
These past 2 weeks, I let him spend some nights at my home.
We've been sleeping in the same bed & holding each other without any sexual intercourse.
I think both of our feelings are getting deeper but as he promised me in the beginning, he's a man who'll respect my wishes meaning no sex before marriage.
I now feel like I want to go to that next level of intimacy and I know he does too, but I'm the one who made the suggestion from the start to put it on hold.
What should I do, we are both human with those usual feelings?
I personally think waiting until marriage is a fools errand and only sets you up for failure. Why on earth would anyone want to risk their future with someone and NOT know if they're actually compatible. Sexual chemistry is just such a part of a relationship. If you wait weeks, months, years, or hold off completely until you get married, and then find out you don't work, I'd bet you'd feel pretty stupid and would be mad at yourself for wasting so much time on a doomed relationship. Mental, emotional, and physical chemistry are all equally important. Forgoing to develop or explore one aspect is just a huge mistake as far as I'm concerned.
For myself, I value sex and want to know if we're physically compatible as soon as possible. If that's the first time, 3rd date, whatever, but I'm not going to invest in someone if I don't think we're a good match. The sooner we're ready the explore those aspects the better IMO.
My advice is to talk about it with him, then take time to think about it on your own. Just remember that it only happens once and you can't take it back. Having waited as long as you have, there is obviously some strong belief rooted in your abstinence. Don't be one of those "I should have waited" girls.
I think if you're ready to marry just to have sex, I would suggest reading "Sheet Music" by Lehman.
It's about the both points of views of men and women, and has some good read on why waiting for sex until marriage in a religious / Christian perspective in terms of create a life of sex and intimacy within the marriage.
The questions isn't, "When is it a good time?", but rather, "Am I ready to take things to the next level?"
Only you can answer that.. Only you know when you're ready.
But, before you decide if you are or not, you need to ask yourself some important questions:
If you sleep with him, do you feel as if it will change your opinion of him? Will it bring you two closer together or will it drive you apart?
Are you ready for that level of commitment? Or are you just doing this to "tame the wild beast"?
How will you see yourself the following day? Will you have regrets that you didn't wait?
There's a lot more of these questions you need to ask yourself - just do so objectively. In other words, make sure that this is what you both truly want, and that neither one of you will regret it later on.
I believe that when you make love to another person, that it is an intensely intimate and emotional thing, that it is a bonding of two people.. Personally, I don't ever take that lightly.
I wish you both the best!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vonnyj
Hi everyone.
I met this guy in August this year & we've been dating every since.
We spend a lot of time together & there has not been one day where we haven't spoken.
It started out as friends & I made it clear that I won't have sex with anyone else until married, so we both agreed not to have unmarital sex.
Up to this date, we've been spending a lot of time with each other on dates, going to church, & also just hanging around each other.
For the last month, I finally allowed him to come into my home where he has been cooking for me & we watch TV with each other every evening after work.
These past 2 weeks, I let him spend some nights at my home.
We've been sleeping in the same bed & holding each other without any sexual intercourse.
I think both of our feelings are getting deeper but as he promised me in the beginning, he's a man who'll respect my wishes meaning no sex before marriage.
I now feel like I want to go to that next level of intimacy and I know he does too, but I'm the one who made the suggestion from the start to put it on hold.
What should I do, we are both human with those usual feelings?
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