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I have experienced betrayals, many of them. I was very negative and had no self confidence, that started in my childhood, due to the way I had to grow up. By the time I was about 18, I felt like I deserved only bad things. Lots of people betrayed me during those early years. I attracted men that were looking for a doormat, I got cheated on an betrayed by them in more ways than one. I was molded into whatever they wanted me to be. I allowed it because I didn't know any better. And the people who did try to tell me I deserved better, fell on deaf ears. I thought my life was meant to be this way. Then something major happened in my life and I started thinking about how I wanted to spend the rest of my life... did I want to live under someone's thumb and do as I was told all my life and be used and abused? I saw from the past years that when I felt low, people took advantage. When I felt better I came in contact with better people, a better class of people, people who were helpful and not users. So I definitely think there's a connection between how you feel and how others see you and treat you.
Of course bad things, betrayals can still happen...life is unfair and you have to stay alert but you can at least try to steer clear of some of the leeches and negative people in the world by having confidence and thinking the best, not the worst as much as possible.
... So you too are of the belief that if you expect trouble or failure, the anticipation will act as a self fulfilling prophesy?
Well, I wouldn't have posted my agreement if I didn't But yes, I do agree that if you feel confident and secure, your odds of being betrayed could be lessened. COULD...I'm not saying it's an absolute.
Let's step outside of the personal/romantic relationship box for a moment and look at a professional/work relationship instead. So let's say my co-worker and I work on a project together and she winds up screwing me over by taking credit for the idea. She gets promoted and I stay in a lesser position. I've been betrayed and I'm pissed. Another co-worker comes along and does the same thing. I've been betrayed again. This happens over and over and pretty soon I've resigned myself to the fact that my work sucks and I'm just not aggressive enough to compete with them. My confidence level is low and my sense of security is shot...people continue to betray me because they know they can. I figure it's not worth trying because I'm just going to get kicked in the ass again.
Now let's say that I'm working with that same person, only instead, my confidence is high and I truly believe in my ability. We go in and present our idea and she tries to take credit for it. I stand up for myself and don't let her steal the thunder. She still tried to screw me over .... betrayed me .... but it backfired. And in turn, all of my other co-workers don't try to pull the same number on me because they know I'll stick to my guns and not let them run all over me.
Is my confidence and security any guarantee that nobody will ever try again? No. But it certainly can reduce the odds.
Thank you all for your responses. I have recently suffered a betrayal beyond that of a spouse or significant other. The betrayal and loss cut so deeply. I have to try and make some since of it. My cousin and I were born and divinely destined to be true friends. She knew me best, and accepted me most. Her well being meant more to me than my own. She was clearly the leader and me the follower, but I did not mind. She was older, smarter and had way more than I did, but she shared with me. If someone was against her they had me, a formidable foe to contend with too. I would do anything I could for her and I thought the feeling was mostly mutual. I would never outshine her on any level. If there was even the hint of competition I would withdraw. If I excelled I minimized my accomplishment. I never wanted to celebrate myself in any way that would make her feel small. I loved her more than she loved me, but I didn't mind. I always found a way to justify her choices and support them right or wrong. Our friendship always took a second seat to whomever she dated. She said a female friend should understand that was a given. I always wondered why she made that into an either/ or choice, but I just accepted it. As we got older people who knew both of us pointed out the imbalance of our friendship. I was quick ignore and chide them. After all, my cousin and I were the "dynamic duo" and nothing could separate us... I found myself in a situation where separation was absolutely demanded. I could no longer accept her terms of friendship. There was just too much at stake and too many others depending upon me alone. My mother was dying and I was caring for her sister with advanced Alzheimer's too; plus, balancing the demands of single parenting teenagers and trying to micro manage their lives... I had more on my plate than I could possibly bare. This was the darkest hour I ever faced. When I was at my weakest point my cousin waged an insult that could not be justified. She betrayed me on every level imaginable and the betrayal extended to my mother and children. The agony of this betrayal is she did not have to do it. She made decisions to my harm so easily. The only cost to her was my unconditional love and friendship. These could not have been valuable to her anyway. I realized she never saw me as her equal and took for granted I would always see her as more than she is. My mother passed away knowing the level of betrayal we had all suffered. She was concerned in her last months about me. She did not know if I could handle the shock of seeing the reality of my relationship with my cousin/best friend for life. For the first time in my life I see my cousin and former best friend without colored glasses and I am immensely disappointed and disconnected. Our circle of friendship is broken and there is a battle I must fight now... I am not really angry as much as I am sad. And this is why I am asking the question is betrayal in any relationship inevitable?
Well, I wouldn't have posted my agreement if I didn't But yes, I do agree that if you feel confident and secure, your odds of being betrayed could be lessened. COULD...I'm not saying it's an absolute.
Let's step outside of the personal/romantic relationship box for a moment and look at a professional/work relationship instead. So let's say my co-worker and I work on a project together and she winds up screwing me over by taking credit for the idea. She gets promoted and I stay in a lesser position. I've been betrayed and I'm pissed. Another co-worker comes along and does the same thing. I've been betrayed again. This happens over and over and pretty soon I've resigned myself to the fact that my work sucks and I'm just not aggressive enough to compete with them. My confidence level is low and my sense of security is shot...people continue to betray me because they know they can. I figure it's not worth trying because I'm just going to get kicked in the ass again.
Now let's say that I'm working with that same person, only instead, my confidence is high and I truly believe in my ability. We go in and present our idea and she tries to take credit for it. I stand up for myself and don't let her steal the thunder. She still tried to screw me over .... betrayed me .... but it backfired. And in turn, all of my other co-workers don't try to pull the same number on me because they know I'll stick to my guns and not let them run all over me.
Is my confidence and security any guarantee that nobody will ever try again? No. But it certainly can reduce the odds.
...Well when you put it out there like that. I see exactly what you mean Maybe that is exactly what I need to do- thunder some.
I have experienced betrayals, many of them. I was very negative and had no self confidence, that started in my childhood, due to the way I had to grow up. By the time I was about 18, I felt like I deserved only bad things. Lots of people betrayed me during those early years. I attracted men that were looking for a doormat, I got cheated on an betrayed by them in more ways than one. I was molded into whatever they wanted me to be. I allowed it because I didn't know any better. And the people who did try to tell me I deserved better, fell on deaf ears. I thought my life was meant to be this way. Then something major happened in my life and I started thinking about how I wanted to spend the rest of my life... did I want to live under someone's thumb and do as I was told all my life and be used and abused? I saw from the past years that when I felt low, people took advantage. When I felt better I came in contact with better people, a better class of people, people who were helpful and not users. So I definitely think there's a connection between how you feel and how others see you and treat you.
Of course bad things, betrayals can still happen...life is unfair and you have to stay alert but you can at least try to steer clear of some of the leeches and negative people in the world by having confidence and thinking the best, not the worst as much as possible.
My answer to your question would be "no". Betrayal in any relationship is not inevitable. Sometimes it comes from the most painful sources, family. From your post, it would seem that your cousin has always had these traits, it's just that you chose not to see them for what they were at the time. It's sad you had to find out under such circumstances and I am sorry for your loss.
Know YOU have done nothing deserving of your cousin's behavior. Sadly, sometimes we have to cut people out of our lives that are not good for us. It doesn't make the pain of betrayal go away but at least you will not subject yourself to the possiblity of it happening again. Move forward with your life. She is the one who is lacking in integrity and she doesn't deserve your friendship. Best wishes to you.
The question you are asking can never be answered because none of use can predict the future behavior of another person. If it were so, alot of people, inclusive of myself, could have saved themselves much heartache. The best advice I can offer is to look at life with your eyes wide open. Make the best choices you can and if it doesn't work out, then know YOU did everything you could.
Bad things happen in life and no amount of sheilding will protect us from it...that's life. Try not to focus on the "untrusting" aspects of your relationships until you have reason to do so.
You make perfect sense... Now if I can just put it into practice. I appreciate your perspective.
Are you so sure? Have you never been betrayed by any one? If that is the case I need you to tell me how I can avoid such devastatingly painful situations in the future.
If you mean betrayal in a romantic relationship the last time that happened I was 19 And yes, I'm sure.
No one can gaurantee you that you'll never ever be betrayed by a loved one - all we can tell you is, NO, it is not inevitable that you will be.
The thing is, in life you can only control yourself, your actions. You can't make other peoples choices for them.
What you have to do to lessen your chances of being betrayed is to be very selective about who you trust and give your heart to. VERY selective.
If you mean betrayal in a romantic relationship the last time that happened I was 19 And yes, I'm sure.
No one can gaurantee you that you'll never ever be betrayed by a loved one - all we can tell you is, NO, it is not inevitable that you will be.
The thing is, in life you can only control yourself, your actions. You can't make other peoples choices for them.
What you have to do to lessen your chances of being betrayed is to be very selective about who you trust and give your heart to. VERY selective.
Hey I really think u r lucky and blessed. No betrayal since 19? I would ask how long thats been, but I know... However if ur just 20...
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But yes, I do agree that if you feel confident and secure, your odds of being betrayed could be lessened. COULD...I'm not saying it's an absolute. 
And yes, I'm sure. 
