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The only difference is in the second one, the cheated on has a revenge affair. I hate cheaters but if it was done to get even then I guess that can be understood.
revenge affair? please, if they're playing those types of games I wouldn't want to be with them anyways. just tell the person off, dump them and be done with it. why waste time on a 'revenge affair?' if they cheated on you, they obviously don't care, so this isn't going to make them care any more, IMO.
It's not easy. In both stories, the men are married. Well in the first one, the guy was stupid and still married her, only to resent her later on instead of just dumping her years earlier. The second one unfortunately happened during their marriage.
But yeah what can they do here when there are children involved too!!
Normally cheating is a total and absolute deal breaker for me - however I did have a relationship spanning a period of a year and a half with a cheater and I gave her a second, third and fourth chance before getting out. That was the only time I have ever made an exception to my rule, although by applying the no second chance rule in other relationships, I rarely had to call things off over cheating since the prelude to the no cheating rule is my five lie rule which would indicate to me that someone is likely to cheat anyway, so in those cases after catching a woman I'm in a relationship with in a total of five lies (within a six month period) then its check out time. In the event she is at three or four lies at the six month mark, and somehow miraculously does not get caught lying past that point, then I deduct one lie for every two month period following the initial six month trial period - so if she is borderline with four lies at the six month mark, they begin to drop off the scoreboard at a rate of one for every two months I don't catch her in a lie.
Ok, back to the one that was allowed to cheat multiple times and why I gave her multiple chances.
First off, I thought that with enough unconditional love (provided by me aka the fixer) and enough out of control sex, satisfying her every need that I could somehow fix her back to a normal state of mind if she had at any point in time known what that was.
Secondly, she unfortunately had unresolved emotional and psychological issues relating to her dad getting to it first when she was younger. (combined with her mom and pastor covering the whole thing up and keeping it under wraps due to their wacked out fundamentalist Christian secret world) I was willing to bend the rules for her since she was entering the arena known as a relationship with me not fully equipped to deal with realty. She was emotionally immature, narcissistic, a pathological liar and lacked the functioning cognitive ability to understand right from wrong. Also, her behavior and actions spanning a year and a half became very sociopathic and there is not doubt that what little of her soul exists, is also devoid of any real empathy, compassion or a conscience. So I gave her multiple chances.
Third. A brunette with killer curves that wants to have insane sex at least five times a day, and that tells me that I am the only man she has ever loved and can turn on fake tears at the first sign of a break-up is basically like Skydive Outlaw kryptonite, so my ability to use logic and reason was weakened by the effects of the previously mentioned components of Skydive Outlaw kryptonite. That was my fault.
And fourth, in two of the cases where the cheating was going on, I had to on some level compete subconsciously with the guy(s) she cheated on me with and my ego took over so at that point it was a question of who was going to be able to win the prize and as much as I loved her, I have to admit that I enjoyed winning her back and leaving the last clown wondering what he did wrong, although in hindsight all of my time, effort and energy in winning her heart and body back was and always will be a shallow victory since she only uses men as objects and tools to feed her own personal and sexual self-gratification. So there are never any winners when playing the deadly game known as a relationship with her.
The five lies accumulated do not have to necessarily have anything to do with cheating, although cheating with any amount of general lie points built up is a deal breaker. Since it can be hard to actually catch a woman cheating, I apply the five lie rule overall since I assume at that point that cheating is more than likely to occur at some point although it might not have happened already.
Adulterers should be given a second chance if you don't really take the marriage vows seriously and decide adultery is no big deal. Might as well just go with an open marriage in that case.
The simple answer to your question is "yes." Sometimes cheaters deserve a second chance. Life is complex. Would I forgive my wife if she cheated? A few years ago, I would have said no. Today, I can't lie -- I probably would ... even if she had no good reason. I love her. I can't imagine life without her. If she were contrite, I'd forgive -- once.
Couples that have been married 15-30 years, 2-3 kids, grand kids, a life built together..... yes there should be 2nd chances and forgiveness. There is a difference between a mistake and someone who lies and cheats as part of who they are.
We are all human and can make mistakes we regret. If the long established couple can work through the problem that should be the goal.
Nothing wrong with forgiving and forgetting when appropriate.
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