Homosexual attraction and the male/female dichotomy of attraction (dating, girlfriend, lesbians)
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Reading the thread about women wanting confidence in a mate and finding it attractive, and men just wanting good looks (so goes the stereotype) how does it work for gay and bisexual people?
For instance, are most gay/bi men attracted to confidence in men as well? I mean supposedly gay men have more 'female' brains so is that a possibility? Do they want to be dominated, protected like women? And do other gay men prefer feminine qualities in men?
What about bisexual/gay women? Do lesbians also look for the same traits in other women (being strong, confident, cocky and funny)? Do most butch lesbians go for the same thing most guys go for? What about two seemingly femme lesbians or bi women? How does that dynamic/attraction work in the context of the heteronormative convention?
So like...would a more feminine bi go for masculine men and women (regardless of gender) and a more masculine bi go for more feminine members of either sex?
Or, as I may suspect, gay/bi people are just more open minded in general? Like a bi women is probably more open to dating feminine men and vice versa. Would you say that is accurate?
For the guys... It seems to me there is a range of men between totally gay (would never sleep with a woman) and totally straight (would never sleep with a guy). And all sorts of men in-between.
Many men have fooled around with other men when young to experiment, then got married to a woman and never fooled around with a guy again.
Some men date women when young or get married, then it is guys only after that.
Some men start out gay, then switch to women.
Some men love everyone! Men or women.
Some men are married to a woman or have a girlfriend, but fool around with men on the side (get BJ's from gay guys on craigslist.org). And the gay guys just want to be on the receiving end, want just sex, don't want a relationship. So this is quite convenient for a busy man, truck driver, etc.
So far as what gay men are attracted to, there is a full range of that as well. Anywhere from he man muscle guy to extremely feminine types.
I would say the vast majority are "normal acting guys" (you couldn't tell they are gay/bi) who are attracted to other "normal acting guys" (you couldn't tell they are gay/bi).
In my opinion, basically men are "horn dogs" who primarily want sex. They will get it anywhere they can! Although there are exceptions to this as people are different.
Read craigslist.org casual encounters m4m. And you will see there are all types of men (gay/bi/straight) looking for all types of other men. And they all want sex.
Then read the casual encounters w4w or women seeking women ads. Quite different! Some are married women wanting touching, kissing, holding, and the things their "sex only" male partner does not give them.
Many want relationships, tenderness, to go out, etc. *Very* different from the men!
I tend to date women that display both "masculine" and "feminine" traits and don't suppress any part of themselves in the name of conforming to a particular gender.
Reading the thread about women wanting confidence in a mate and finding it attractive, and men just wanting good looks (so goes the stereotype) how does it work for gay and bisexual people?
Pretty much the same way as straight relationships.
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For instance, are most gay/bi men attracted to confidence in men as well?
Yes, confidence plays a big role in gay relationships too.
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I mean supposedly gay men have more 'female' brains so is that a possibility? Do they want to be dominated, protected like women? And do other gay men prefer feminine qualities in men?
Varies between the person. Lots of gay men prefer more masculine type men, some prefer more feminine. Some like the submissive role, some prefer to be dominant.
Like Fiyero said, it varies from person to person. That's why I answered in regards to myself. Each person is different, just like heterosexuals vary in their preferences for the opposite sex.
Hot. Seriously. No uggos.
Fit. No skinny fat. Work out, dammit.
Smart. No dummies.
Driven (I compromised on this twice and it was a MISTAKE).
Well-read.
Conservative (tried dating a couple of libbos...strangely, they would get angry at me, even though I tried to respect the fact that they were entitled to their own opinion).
Generous (self-absorbed people are aholes and relationship becomes all about them).
Family-oriented. People will bring their family issues into your relationship. Choose wisely.
Emotionally mature. No drama-mama.
Organized. No, I don't find your disorganized quirks 'cute.' They are f**king annoying.
Competent. Any idiot can jump a dead battery, unclog a sink, or change a lightbulb. Don't play helpless loser.
Finally, I am attracted to women who look like women. If I wanted a dude, I'd get a dude. I'll never understand why you'd be attracted to women and then go for women who look like dudes. Wtf?
How does that dynamic/attraction work in the context of the heteronormative convention?
This statement is what your whole question boils down to. The bottom line is, when dealing with gay & lesbian relationships, you need to chuck this entire idea out the window.
As a gay man who occasionally looks at this forum, I can tell you that the vast majority of the threads here (which deal with "heteronormative conventions" and gender roles) deal with subjects that are completely foreign to me. You're speaking a different language. 99.9% of the issues addressed here simply do not exist in gay relationships. Heterosexual relationships necessarily come with centuries of baggage associated with gender roles and the associated drama; frankly, being straight would drive me nuts just based on that. I'd have to become a monk or something.
This statement is what your whole question boils down to. The bottom line is, when dealing with gay & lesbian relationships, you need to chuck this entire idea out the window.
As a gay man who occasionally looks at this forum, I can tell you that the vast majority of the threads here (which deal with "heteronormative conventions" and gender roles) deal with subjects that are completely foreign to me. You're speaking a different language. 99.9% of the issues addressed here simply do not exist in gay relationships. Heterosexual relationships necessarily come with centuries of baggage associated with gender roles and the associated drama; frankly, being straight would drive me nuts just based on that. I'd have to become a monk or something.
I don't envy you people at all.
The heterosexual world has all these dating rules. In the gay world, we just make up our own rules as we go along. I'm different with each person I date. With some people, I'll split the check half and half. With other people, I'll buy dinner, they buy the concert tickets. With some people, we'll alternate who pays for everything each time we go out. I feel bad for the heterosexual folks out there who feel like they can't just wing it. If I'm not sure, I'll just ask. The nice thing about not having centuries of tradition behind us is that no one is stupid for asking.
The heterosexual world has all these dating rules. In the gay world, we just make up our own rules as we go along. I'm different with each person I date. With some people, I'll split the check half and half. With other people, I'll buy dinner, they buy the concert tickets. With some people, we'll alternate who pays for everything each time we go out. I feel bad for the heterosexual folks out there who feel like they can't just wing it. If I'm not sure, I'll just ask. The nice thing about not having centuries of tradition behind us is that no one is stupid for asking.
The heterosexual world has all these dating rules.
Um, no, it doesn't. There are some poor clueless souls that think that there must be, because they read some internet article, or some silly book...but the reality is...it's whatever works for each individual couple.
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Originally Posted by nimchimpsky
In the gay world, we just make up our own rules as we go along. I'm different with each person I date. With some people, I'll split the check half and half. With other people, I'll buy dinner, they buy the concert tickets. With some people, we'll alternate who pays for everything each time we go out. I feel bad for the heterosexual folks out there who feel like they can't just wing it. If I'm not sure, I'll just ask. The nice thing about not having centuries of tradition behind us is that no one is stupid for asking.
Why would you think that it's any different for heterosexuals? Because of the nutcases that post in this forum? If you think they accurately represent the general population, you'd be sorely mistaken.
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