In defense of extra marital affairs..... (guy, lover, cheated, younger)
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Nothing is black and white, marriage are not the same for everyone, nor does everyone have the same boundaries and values. Anyone who thinks so is fooling themselves. There are excuses and there are REASONS for cheating. Two people can easily contribute to that as much as they can contribute to it not happening. This is not always the case but it is often the case.
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Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch
Also, it's very, very easy to sit back and self-righteously condemn anyone, man or woman, for having an affair, or to haughtily suggest that if they're incapable of communicating with their spouse they need to simply END it.
Yes, it's all terribly, terribly easy from an outsider's perspective. After all, what do YOU have to lose from this situation? NOTHING.
Quote:
It's VERY easy to condemn when it's not you and you stand nothing to lose.
Well said. Some people are more focused on preaching than actually considering the reality that no two situations are the same or easily remedied with a quick trip to the courthouse.
I hope your situation improves sooner than later. Kudos for sticking with it. I'm not normally an fan of staying for the kids, but it is workable in some households.
This message board is full of stories about how terrible ex husbands, wives and SO's were for having an extra marital love affair.
While everyone says how terrible these affairs are, a large percentage of married men and women cheat on their spouse. There must be something that keeps them going.
So I researched the topic on the Internet and other message boards and tried to understand why so many married men and women of all ages, races, backgrounds and economic situations have affairs. This is what I found out:
* Most men have affairs not for the sex but because they are lonely. Friendships among men tend to be more activity related and are generally not that close, so if the men don not communicate well with their wife they need someone else to get close to.
* If they do have an affair, while the conversation is nice the sex is even better. Men and women who do have affairs report the sex is out of this world and a 100 times better than married sex.
* Life is boring and people want something new and exciting to keep them going each day. Something new to think about, something different and something thrilling and dangerous.
* People want to feel attractive and wanted and most married relationships do not make you feel that way.
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Can you think of any other justifications for extra marital affairs?
The people that DO feel that way should end their current relationship before cheating. If they end it, then it isn't "cheating".
Now, as for the communication thing, my PARTNER is the ONLY person I ever communicate with. Without a partner, I don't communicate who I am at all.
Now, as for the communication thing, my PARTNER is the ONLY person I ever communicate with. Without a partner, I don't communicate who I am at all.
Really? If you don't have a partner, you can't even make new friends? How do you find a partner to begin with? Or have you written something you don't quite mean?
I think it is hard to make wrong right. U can't really justify an extra-marital affair even if u do understand it. Justification and understanding are two entirely different things. If you are the cheater it is easy to justify your own actions to yourself, but not to ur spouse. 00
This message board is full of stories about how terrible ex husbands, wives and SO's were for having an extra marital love affair.
While everyone says how terrible these affairs are, a large percentage of married men and women cheat on their spouse. There must be something that keeps them going.
So I researched the topic on the Internet and other message boards and tried to understand why so many married men and women of all ages, races, backgrounds and economic situations have affairs. This is what I found out:
* Most men have affairs not for the sex but because they are lonely. Friendships among men tend to be more activity related and are generally not that close, so if the men don not communicate well with their wife they need someone else to get close to.
* If they do have an affair, while the conversation is nice the sex is even better. Men and women who do have affairs report the sex is out of this world and a 100 times better than married sex.
* Life is boring and people want something new and exciting to keep them going each day. Something new to think about, something different and something thrilling and dangerous.
* People want to feel attractive and wanted and most married relationships do not make you feel that way.
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Can you think of any other justifications for extra marital affairs?
as soon as i saw "in defense of extra marital affairs..." -- i didn't bother to read the rest.
having affairs is not a good thing. something like that should not be defended or justified.
There is no defense of marital affairs...not happy?? leave but don't take everyone else down on your sinking ship.
Bingo. Not a single "justification" for cheating makes a compelling argument against JUST EXITING YOUR UNHAPPY MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP if you'd like to look elsewhere. If all those terrible things are true for you, by all means, find somebody else. But end your CURRENT relationship first. Why cheat? There's simply no justifiable reason.
learn to communicate with your spouse in some manner or get the hell out.
This.
I mean when are some people going to learn to grow up and be adults? Cheating doesn't make things LESS complicated. It's NOT a considerate, intelligent or productive solution.
I mean why commit if you're going to step out because you can't open your mouth and communicate with your partner, if you are bored and want different thrills in the form of different sex partners each day of the week, or if you seek dangerous sexual adventures? I mean with all of this lack of commitment, stubbornness, selfishness and sociopathy, the solution is so ridiculously obvious...
The answer is: be single.
or join a swingers/open cuckold group with a willing and like-minded partner that is or isn't bisexual (for added THRILL)
Yes, exactly. No matter how complex the situation is, the solution is to communicate and figure things out or to break the connection off completely before connecting with someone else. If there's an emotional affair going on, people often know what they are doing is wrong because it's not something they'd do or express in front of their SO.
People have a habit of assuming that when conflict happens in their partnership, other pastures are truly greener. Not always the case. Deal with home base FIRST and then decide if you want to graze somewhere else.
Here's another thing to add to the list of why others cheat...people cheat because they aren't mature enough to deal with the complexities and intricacies of a committed partnership. They aren't good with dealing with conflict. Conflict is dealt with by avoiding and evading and cheating is often an appealing and impulsive option. It's selfish and immediate without thoughts about future consequences or the partner.
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