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My husband and I met 2 years ago when we were both active duty in different branches of the Military.
I got out of the Army last year and settled in his home state while he was still stationed in California. We got married but I decided to stay in Colorado because he'd be getting out of the Marine Corps this past Spring and I wanted to be established before he came home for good.
I went to see him in San Diego every 2 months for 10 months.
He came home in early June and we finally started living as a married couple. Things were great at first but he's been unable to find a job ever since.
We haven't been intimate at all since he got home. I tried a couple times but it went nowhere.
He sees no problem in calling me a dumbass, stupid etc etc. I, on the other hand, was in an abusive relationship before and I know it starts with an insult here and there...then things get out of control.
I told him to stop treating me so poorly and he said that is just how he is.
After months of dealing with this, I told him I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. He said he doesn't mean to hurt me. He cried and said he was sorry for hurting me.
We talked and I said we need to part ways because I don't feel appreciated at all. I do so much for him and he doesn't seem to realize I am not obligated to do things. I do it because I care about him.
He said he loves me but we have no chemistry in bed.
I was a virgin when I married him and of course being intimate hurt the first few times. He seemed to have no patience with me. Now he tells me we have no chemistry in bed? I was clueless as to what to do because I don't have any experience.
I suggested that we see a counselor but he doesn't think it's going to help us. However, he gave in and said we could try.
So should I just walk away and forget about him? I do love him so much and I take marriage seriously but I just don't know what to do.
While there is no justification for the name calling and verbal abuse I think his issue is not being able to find a job and provide for you - it's a blow to the ego and he's over compensating.
I think that if he has agreed to see a counselor, then go for it! Maybe he knows deep down that this is the last step, before losing you entirely.
You should not have to put up with the name calling, and put downs!
He should be thrilled that he married a virgin, and should show you a thing or two about sex, not put you down because you have no experience.
I say try for the counseling. He has to understand that this is your last straw...
My husband and I met 2 years ago when we were both active duty in different branches of the Military.
I got out of the Army last year and settled in his home state while he was still stationed in California. We got married but I decided to stay in Colorado because he'd be getting out of the Marine Corps this past Spring and I wanted to be established before he came home for good.
I went to see him in San Diego every 2 months for 10 months.
He came home in early June and we finally started living as a married couple. Things were great at first but he's been unable to find a job ever since.
We haven't been intimate at all since he got home. I tried a couple times but it went nowhere.
He sees no problem in calling me a dumbass, stupid etc etc. I, on the other hand, was in an abusive relationship before and I know it starts with an insult here and there...then things get out of control.
I told him to stop treating me so poorly and he said that is just how he is.
After months of dealing with this, I told him I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. He said he doesn't mean to hurt me. He cried and said he was sorry for hurting me.
We talked and I said we need to part ways because I don't feel appreciated at all. I do so much for him and he doesn't seem to realize I am not obligated to do things. I do it because I care about him.
He said he loves me but we have no chemistry in bed.
I was a virgin when I married him and of course being intimate hurt the first few times. He seemed to have no patience with me. Now he tells me we have no chemistry in bed? I was clueless as to what to do because I don't have any experience.
I suggested that we see a counselor but he doesn't think it's going to help us. However, he gave in and said we could try.
So should I just walk away and forget about him? I do love him so much and I take marriage seriously but I just don't know what to do.
You aren't the only one. There is a lot of Vets returning home and can't find a job. That is sh**** if you ask me. IMO, he just needs some time to readjust to civilian life. I don't know if you were in Iraq and don't want you to tell me? That's private info and I don't want to pry something out of you, you are trying to forget. Maybe, see a counselor to see if he is suffering from PTSDO? Good luck! Rugged
Last edited by 2RUGGED4YOU; 12-25-2009 at 06:16 PM..
While there is no justification for the name calling and verbal abuse I think his issue is not being able to find a job and provide for you - it's a blow to the ego and he's over compensating.
ditto. no job is giant for a guy. my nephew is going thru this right now.
While there is no justification for the name calling and verbal abuse I think his issue is not being able to find a job and provide for you - it's a blow to the ego and he's over compensating.
I would totally agree if we were talking about civilians here. But never forget these brave men and women saw things that most people can't comprehend. And most importantly Thank You for your service! Rugged's hat is off to you and your husband.
Just how much time did you spend together after you met, before you were discharged? I think you may have gotten married too soon, if you two spent a good amount of time apart. Quite frankly, I think a separation would be a good idea, with marital counseling before making a final decision.
If you don't have the money for marriage counseling, maybe you have a sensitive friend your husband likes as well and it might help just talking to him/her about your wishes and issues. If that doesn't go anywhere you can still get a professional.
I would totally agree if we were talking about civilians here. But never forget these brave men and women saw things that most people can't comprehend. And most importantly Thank You for your service! Rugged's hat is off to you and your husband.
I'm not discounting the other factors that may be present, but even you, yourself, highlighted this part of her post:
"He came home in early June and we finally started living as a married couple. Things were great at first but he's been unable to find a job ever since."
I would totally agree if we were talking about civilians here. But never forget these brave men and women saw things that most people can't comprehend.
Correct me if I read you wrong, but I certainly hope you are not excusing his abusive behavior because of what he experienced while in service.
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Rugged
