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I'm not discounting the other factors that may be present, but even you, yourself, highlighted this part of her post:
"He came home in early June and we finally started living as a married couple. Things were great at first but he's been unable to find a job ever since."
Yes I did, because of all the Vets returning home being bypassed, even though qualified to be hired. That is just plain rotten in my book. And to all the employers doing this, you are a discrace to yourself, community and your country. And not you Thursday007.LOL.... Don't forget about the VA, also OP.
It seems to me that you guys never had much of a chance to spend alot of time together to get to know each other and now that you two are married and livng together it's diffrent than you thought it would be but props to you and your hubby for serving I hope things work out.
This thread is a teaching opportunity why waiting to have sex until marriage is such a big mistake. People need to know well in advance whether they're mentally, emotionally, and sexually compatible or you risk ending up in relationships like the OP.
The husband sounds abusive. If he is not physically abusive yet he will be. Mental abuse is serious abuse too. I would leave... It's hard for counseling to work quickly on abusive personalities. Help is a process and it take a long time-plus the abuser has to want help and be committed to doing what it takes to change. The op's husband does not sound like he is in that place.
My husband and I met 2 years ago when we were both active duty in different branches of the Military.
I got out of the Army last year and settled in his home state while he was still stationed in California. We got married but I decided to stay in Colorado because he'd be getting out of the Marine Corps this past Spring and I wanted to be established before he came home for good.
I went to see him in San Diego every 2 months for 10 months.
He came home in early June and we finally started living as a married couple. Things were great at first but he's been unable to find a job ever since.
We haven't been intimate at all since he got home. I tried a couple times but it went nowhere.
He sees no problem in calling me a dumbass, stupid etc etc. I, on the other hand, was in an abusive relationship before and I know it starts with an insult here and there...then things get out of control.
I told him to stop treating me so poorly and he said that is just how he is.
After months of dealing with this, I told him I wasn't going to put up with it anymore. He said he doesn't mean to hurt me. He cried and said he was sorry for hurting me.
We talked and I said we need to part ways because I don't feel appreciated at all. I do so much for him and he doesn't seem to realize I am not obligated to do things. I do it because I care about him.
He said he loves me but we have no chemistry in bed.
I was a virgin when I married him and of course being intimate hurt the first few times. He seemed to have no patience with me. Now he tells me we have no chemistry in bed? I was clueless as to what to do because I don't have any experience.
I suggested that we see a counselor but he doesn't think it's going to help us. However, he gave in and said we could try.
So should I just walk away and forget about him? I do love him so much and I take marriage seriously but I just don't know what to do.
This seems like a vicious male-female cycle at work here. You want to feel appreciated, and he wants to feel admired. Neither of you are providing each other these basic needs; in fact, you are depleting these basic needs from each other. Until you provide these things for each other, your marriage will not get any better. The downward spiral will get worse.
I personally would bail also. It is early in the marriage and there is no shame in ending it. Get out while you can. I personally would not be able to 'let go' of the feelings that person gave me from verbal abuse, no matter how much counseling we had.
I personally would bail also. It is early in the marriage and there is no shame in ending it. Get out while you can. I personally would not be able to 'let go' of the feelings that person gave me from verbal abuse, no matter how much counseling we had.
I hear about the abuse. He was abused growing up. He seems to have a wall around him; a huge need to defend himself all the time... I think it might have something to do with his upbringing and what he went through
I am in no way, shape or form making excuses for his behavior. I just don't understand it.
He didn't deploy so I know this has nothing to do with going to war.
We get along great but I don't think he realizes what a good thing he has.
My insurance company does cover marriage counseling so I am going to set up an appointment with a therapist.
Don't I remember him having a mental illness? Sounds like he is seriously depressed and needs help.
Should you stay with him? Hard to say but if what I remember is correct, your relationship probably won't be easy. It will require a lot of effort to make it work.
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Don't forget about the VA, also OP.
