Seeing a therapist, do I need to tell my wife what I am telling him? (marriage, therapy)
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Many of the other posters on this board are constantly telling me that I am crazy and need professional help. OK, now I can be honest with everyone and say that I am seeing a therapist to help me discuss some issues I am facing.
My therapist encourages me to to be open on this board and tell people what I am thinking and attempt to discuss the issues I face. Because some of you think I am a troll posting under multiple names, this has been difficult.
Anyway, my question of the day is this: My wife wants a blow by blow account of the issues/topics and concerns I am discussing with my therapist. So far I have said no because some of it has to do with her and I would prefer to keep my privacy. My wife says there is no personal privacy in a marriage. I disagree. My therapist wants me to discover the answer to this question myself.
I think what you and your therapist talk about should just be between you two. Your wife should understand that. As long as you are getting help and getting your issues resolved thats all that matters.
I have to agree with princesasabia. When you see a therapist on any level, that information is always confidential. It's up to you what (if anything) you tell your wife. On her end, she should be understanding and supportive of your needs and allow you the peace to just see this therapist and not have to come home and rehash everything with her. Good luck.
personally, i think that if a marriage is in trouble, there are ALWAYS two sides to it.
you have enough threads implying there IS a problem.
perhaps you have just reached an impasse, and have both built walls, which you both have to decide if you want to break down again.
i cannot advise you whether to tell her, because i don't know what your personal problems are.
however, you are both in the marriage together, if you both meant your vows, then there is a responsibility on you BOTH to communicate effectively how you feel if problems arise, and to mutually seek solutions.
if you choose to open up, you may be able to make her understand better how you feel, and she may be better placed either to help you, or to make allowances for your behaviour.
she will have to face the fact she may hear things she doesn't like, or approve of, but these are the risks.
as will be the case if she opens up to you.
i understand if you are not willing to share things with her YET, you may be a little confused yourself if you are discovering things.
however, you will then require to make her understand your reasons for guarding your privacy.
some secrets in a marriage are best kept secret, but some are better discussed, and dealt with.
you have to decide which is best for your particular situation.
wow this sounds just like a tv show i saw once...yeah you should tell your wife because if you don't then she'll think you're cheating and follow you to the therapist so she'll find out anyway...or she'll stab you- either way it's in your best interests to tell her, Jerry ( although don't you think she'll see it when she signs in?)
You pointed out that she feels entitled to know. Think about this from your side, what do you feel is "entitled" in a marriage and at what lengths would you go through if you couldn't have your way?
I would recommend you two to go to one session together...If the Dr tells her to back off, the sense of entitlement should lower as well...
What gets said b/t a patient and dr./therapist is confidential information, and NO ONE has the right to that information. Not even your wife, even tho a lot of it may be about her.
Of course she wants to know what you're talking about. She probably figures a lot of it is about her. But if you two were in a really good, secure place in your marriage, you wouldn't be with the therapist in the 1st place. Knowing that you are talking about her, and your relationship, probably makes her feel very insecure.
I would 1st reassure her that the therapy is intended to benefit you both, not to destroy you, and there are things you need to work out, without her "help". Otherwise, if she makes suggestions, or tries to "help" you, it is not coming from what YOU need to do or think you need to do, but what SHE thinks you need to do, which isn't the same thing. She is not an objective party in this situation.
Maybe you should consider having some sessions that include her as well, so she can see what goes on. She may feel less threatened, and maybe gain more insight into what is going on with you, her, and your marriage.
Perhaps your therapist meant for you to SELF-discover how you think and feel on whether to share with your wife. Sheesh, do you always need to know what other people think? Are you not able to think for yourself?
What is right for one person's marriage/relationship may be all wrong for another. Each person in a relationship is a unique person, therefore no two relationships can ever possibly be the same. I have no secrets in my relationship, no privacy, but none is needed or wanted by either of us. Should either of us want it, we are entitled to it. Would I give detailed accountings of a session with a therapist? perhaps - but he would not demand that of me.
Sounds like you are trying to create -- or recreate -- yourself according to the majority view. Reach inside yourself and figure out who you are.
You pointed out that she feels entitled to know. Think about this from your side, what do you feel is "entitled" in a marriage and at what lengths would you go through if you couldn't have your way?
I would recommend you two to go to one session together...If the Dr tells her to back off, the sense of entitlement should lower as well...
I agree with this is if it something you (and her) are comfortable with. You have to decide if what you talk to your therapist about is something you want to share no one can do that for you, maybe a therapist of her own if that is possible? Good Luck!
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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Imo, it's your personal business if it's between you and your therapist. Your wife can think whatever she chooses but all she needs to know is you're trying your best to work things out legitimately, the best way you know how. If she can't trust you with that, that's something she needs to work on. That's very invasive, spouse or not, to try to force you to tell her things you tell your therapist. Not right. How you handle that is another issue. It's going to take patience on your part. Hang in there. I wish you all the best.
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