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That's why both were not mentioned in the original post. The only thing they really have in common is the fact that if I were still her boyfriend, I would have no doubts about what was to be done...as much as I COULD do anything, that is.
If she has trouble sleeping at night, and goes outside and falls asleep out there, there's nothing I can really do except yell at her for sleeping where it's cold. I've told her that she shouldn't sleep in the cold, and I haven't found her like that for the past few days (not this morning? ...check!). So I'm not sure that's even still an issue. In fact, the day I found her crashed on the couch was probably the end of the falling asleep outside thing.
But I'm NOT her boyfriend, so I do not feel as if I have the right to show the same level of concern that a boyfriend would show. One poster, earlier in this thread, basically said--"she's an adult, let her do whatever she wants".
Personally, I could say some things about the level of caring her current boyfriend shows her--but it would just come out sounding jealous, instead of an honest and objective analysis. So I just keep my own counsel, as far as that goes...ay yi yi.
It's not a matter of "rights" its a matter of human compassion, it could be any one of your friends doing something like this, would you then hesitate offering your concern? Just stop worrying about the if's, and's and but's and just find out what the heck is going on.
I don't have any friends. Never really have. When I'm a relationship with someone, she becomes the only friend I have.
In the past, when the relationship ended, the ENTIRE relationship ended. We didn't "keep in touch", much less live in the same place. And it pretty much always been the woman's decision to move on. This one, she can't afford to live on her own, with what she's getting for disability. I pay about 2/3 of the bills, but I make 2/3 of the total income too--so that's fair.
She was concerned, initially, that I would kick her out if she broke up with me--that's why she didn't come out and tell me at the time, so she says. But if she KNEW me, she should have known that I would never put someone out in the street.
IMO, your first concern should be that she is healthy.
Your second (and I mean a FAR second) should be how she perceives your concern. If she thinks it means you still love her....well, do you really want to let her sleep outside because she might think that? That problem can always be addressed later....depression, concussions, etc, need to be addressed ASAP.
My room mate is also my ex-girlfriend. Our "relationship" is over, and she's seeing someone else.
The last few days, I've found her sleeping outside on the porch when I come home, and the temperature is in the 30s. She tells me she's been having trouble sleeping, that she can go to bed and lie awake for hours. I was actually glad the other day when I found her INSIDE sleeping sitting up on the couch instead of outside.
What I'm asking is if I even have the "right" to be concerned about her well-being, since we are no longer in a relationship. Isn't her well-being, well, not really any of my business anymore?
Do you still consider her a friend? If so, then why not help her?
I don't know how high you keep the heat at night but I would much rather sleep on a cold porch than in a hot apartment. When I spend the night at my daughter's house, it is so hot that I wish I could sleep on the porch! I want to get up and turn the heat down but feel it would be very rude, maybe she feels that way too.
Maybe she feels this is more your apartment than hers and figures she will just sleep on the porch rather than say anything.
The more I think about this, I would sleep on the porch too if my other choice was to be trapped in a hot apartment with the heat blasting.
My room mate is also my ex-girlfriend. Our "relationship" is over, and she's seeing someone else.
The last few days, I've found her sleeping outside on the porch when I come home, and the temperature is in the 30s. She tells me she's been having trouble sleeping, that she can go to bed and lie awake for hours. I was actually glad the other day when I found her INSIDE sleeping sitting up on the couch instead of outside.
What I'm asking is if I even have the "right" to be concerned about her well-being, since we are no longer in a relationship. Isn't her well-being, well, not really any of my business anymore?
Since she is still your friend, yes, you have every right to be concerned and you should be. But I get the impression you aren't asking because you want to help her: the way the question is phrased, it sounds like you are asking for permission to not do anything to help her. Helping her work out whatever her issues are is the right thing to do: at the very least call her family and let them know something is really wrong. And whether she wants to go or not, put her in your car and take her to the hospital or you could come home and instead of finding her sleeping, you could find her dead.
Yeah, it's been right around freezing when I come home around 6 a.m. I got the Weather Channel on my desktop, and the other day it reported a temp of 29 degrees.
One day, I draped my coat over her. She claimed that woke her up, but she didn't GET up either. She was wearing her jacket and had a heating pad plugged in and sitting on her lap. Another time, I woke her up--and that's when she told me about having trouble sleeping. I don't like her sleeping outside in the cold anyhow--but I also feel bad about waking her up if she's not getting a lot of sleep.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar
This one, she can't afford to live on her own, with what she's getting for disability. I pay about 2/3 of the bills, but I make 2/3 of the total income too--so that's fair.
She was concerned, initially, that I would kick her out if she broke up with me--that's why she didn't come out and tell me at the time, so she says. But if she KNEW me, she should have known that I would never put someone out in the street.
Something about this makes me think it might be better if you weren't roomates. She sounds like she VERY hard headed and doesn't care for her well being enough. So you'll wind up putting too much time and care into her and she'll be too clueless to appreciate it. I suspect you'll be drained dry after months of living with this. She sounds like a wounded bird who doesn't want to care for herself. As for this bs about you paying 2/3 because you make 2/3....she NOT your WIFE!!!! She should be paying HALF as would any other roomate. Why should you be supporting this woman? Let her new man pay it for her or let her move in with him. She should have moved out once she decided she didn't want to be together. That's some set of cojones she's got. Good manipulator. How would your next girlfriend view this situation? Will her man be moving in with you two for free? Are you prepared to get her out of there when you meet someone else? What happens to your arrangement if she get pregnant?
I don't know how high you keep the heat at night but I would much rather sleep on a cold porch than in a hot apartment. When I spend the night at my daughter's house, it is so hot that I wish I could sleep on the porch! I want to get up and turn the heat down but feel it would be very rude, maybe she feels that way too.
Maybe she feels this is more your apartment than hers and figures she will just sleep on the porch rather than say anything.
The more I think about this, I would sleep on the porch too if my other choice was to be trapped in a hot apartment with the heat blasting.
How hot it is is completely up to her. I'm not home--I work nights. That's why I can say that I can't know if this is happening unless I catch her still sleeping outside the next morning when I come home.
I pretty much keep to my room (there's two bathrooms, and she decided I'd get the one with the master, while she'd get the one that any company coming over (her friends) would use). She's got things set up the way she wants them---and either I or her boyfriend get to help set it up. He's disabled too, but a little better off than she is...he can still lift and carry stuff that she cannot.
All these days have gone by and you still haven't lifted a finger to either get her to a physician or to the ER yourself or have someone else do it? I guess sitting at the computer analyzing the whole situation takes precedence. I'm flabbergasted.
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She sounds like a wounded bird who doesn't want to care for herself. As for this bs about you paying 2/3 because you make 2/3....she NOT your WIFE!!!! She should be paying HALF as would any other roomate. Why should you be supporting this woman? Let her new man pay it for her or let her move in with him. She should have moved out once she decided she didn't want to be together. That's some set of cojones she's got. Good manipulator. How would your next girlfriend view this situation? Will her man be moving in with you two for free? Are you prepared to get her out of there when you meet someone else? What happens to your arrangement if she get pregnant?
