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I thought I would toss out this dynamic I have noticed in life.
In a dating relationship or a marriage, the person in the couple that is less in love / less interested usually "controls," meaning they get things their way more often.
Take a look at college dating. The pursuer, assuming they still retained that role later in the relationship, winds up doing most of the work and sacrificing more during the relationship. I had this situation with someone I like in late H.S., during college and that I then saw again at a reunion. I was more interested at all of those junctures. However, when I conveyed "eff you too" at her aloofness after last reconnecting, she then became more interested.
Same thing in marriages, it seems. The person who "needs" the other party more seems to be more apt to be dominated or becomes the "doormat," always seeming to work harder and/or give in more during the course of events. I won't even use descriptions of potential couples because I'll get hit with the "broad brush" accusation again, but then I think patterns are legitimate.
Your take on "the one who loves (likes) 'less' controls"?
I thought I would toss out this dynamic I have noticed in life.
In a dating relationship or a marriage, the person in the couple that is less in love / less interested usually "controls," meaning they get things their way more often.
Take a look at college dating. The pursuer, assuming they still retained that role later in the relationship, winds up doing most of the work and sacrificing more during the relationship. I had this situation with someone I like in late H.S., during college and that I then saw again at a reunion. I was more interested at all of those junctures. However, when I conveyed "eff you too" at her aloofness after last reconnecting, she then became more interested.
Same thing in marriages, it seems. The person who "needs" the other party more seems to be more apt to be dominated or becomes the "doormat," always seeming to work harder and/or give in more during the course of events. I won't even use descriptions of potential couples because I'll get hit with the "broad brush" accusation again, but then I think patterns are legitimate.
Your take on "the one who loves (likes) 'less' controls"?
This is nothing new - it's a concept you learn in Socialogy 101 in college - the person with the least amount of interest in a relationship has the most amount of control in the relationship.
The trick to building a long term sustainable relationship is to be sure you pick a partner you balance out that also balances you out - with no need for "control" on either side. (Of course, you must first face your own control issues and get over them before you are good relationship material yourself).
The trick to building a long term sustainable relationship is to be sure you pick a partner you balance out that also balances you out - with no need for "control" on either side.
Correct. Hopefully, we pick our friends as equals, so we should look for spouses/significant others the same way. You can bet that I have being controlled. I don't stick around very long at all. I also have no interest in controlling others.
It goes back to the availability scenario. The more something is available, the less people clamor for it. The less available something is (in this case, love) the more it is sought after.
I think there is some truth to this. My grandmother once told me that if I had a choice between marrying someone I was in love with or someone in love with me, choose the one in love with me for this reason.
If the last two years of my marriage are any indicator, there's truth here. I was pretty catered to.
Well I am not ugly, but right now, my SO seems to be taking advantage of the fact that I love him. At first he was the persuer and the one that would put in his best effort. But then I told him I loved him back and that was like telling him to go ahead and abuse me. Since then, he cant get enough of the head games and power tripping. But I'll work on getting my power back, or just leave him altogether.I want an equal partnership, or one where I have the power, not him.
Correct. Hopefully, we pick our friends as equals, so we should look for spouses/significant others the same way. You can bet that I have being controlled. I don't stick around very long at all. I also have no interest in controlling others.
Looked at this a couple of hours later to check responses.
Typo as I was interrupted at work - should be:
You can bet that I HATE being controlled.
Thanks for the responses that validated what I thought in the first place.
Location: where nothin ever grows. no rain or rivers flow, TX
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I don't know about this. I "control" because my wife has bad decorating sense, tardy, unorganized, does not know more than me because she doesnt surf the net like i do. But I think I'm exactly who she needs and she's exactly who I need
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