Friend's affair with a married man...your take (dating, wife, women)
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This thread is an offshoot of another thread that I started yesterday. This issue is something that I have long been at odds with and I was wondering what other people's thoughts would be on the subject.
My friend was having a long term affair with a married man. She is married and cannot stand her husband, but had no intentions of leaving him due to insecurity issues, financially and otherwise. The guy that she was carrying on the affair with was married for ten years or more and had no intentions of leaving his wife. In fact, midway through my friend's realtionship with him, she found out via a third party that he and his wife had just adopted a child. He told my friend that he was going on vacation while he was actually finalizing out of state adoption procedures. When I heard this, it was more than clear to me that he had no intentions of ending his marriage. Getting pregnant is one thing, but going out of your way to add a child to your family is quite a statement. My friend got pissed off that he did not tell her and argued with him about it, but she was satisfied with the status quo as she would not leave her hubby anyway. It seemd to me that as long as she was stuck, she was satisfied that the guy was also stuck.
My point is, the guy is a dog, but wasn't it selfish on my friends part to continue the affair knowing full well that the guy's wife was oblivious to their shenanigans and attempting to have a real family by adopting a child? This was not just a fling, this went on for ten years. Six years before the adoption and for a few years after. As a woman, shouldn't she have had more compassion and empathy for the guy's wife? Maybe I'm being too judgmental, but this is one of the reasons that I supected my friend of having narcissistic tendencies. She also would insist that if she ever left her husband, the guy would have the urge to leave his wife for her. I did not agree, but never dared to tell her that.
This thread is an offshoot of another thread that I started yesterday. This issue is something that I have long been at odds with and I was wondering what other people's thoughts would be on the subject.
My friend was having a long term affair with a married man. She is married and cannot stand her husband, but had no intentions of leaving him due to insecurity issues, financially and otherwise. The guy that she was carrying on the affair with was married for ten years or more and had no intentions of leaving his wife. In fact, midway through my friend's realtionship with him, she found out via a third party that he and his wife had just adopted a child. He told my friend that he was going on vacation while he was actually finalizing out of state adoption procedures. When I heard this, it was more than clear to me that he had no intentions of ending his marriage. Getting pregnant is one thing, but going out of your way to add a child to your family is quite a statement. My friend got pissed off that he did not tell her and argued with him about it, but she was satisfied with the status quo as she would not leave her hubby anyway. It seemd to me that as long as she was stuck, she was satisfied that the guy was also stuck.
My point is, the guy is a dog, but wasn't it selfish on my friends part to continue the affair knowing full well that the guy's wife was oblivious to their shenanigans and attempting to have a real family by adopting a child? This was not just a fling, this went on for ten years. Six years before the adoption and for a few years after. As a woman, shouldn't she have had more compassion and empathy for the guy's wife? Maybe I'm being too judgmental, but this is one of the reasons that I supected my friend of having narcissistic tendencies. She also would insist that if she ever left her husband, the guy would have the urge to leave his wife for her. I did not agree, but never dared to tell her that.
As a woman, shouldn't she have had more compassion and empathy for the guy's wife? Maybe I'm being too judgmental, but this is one of the reasons that I supected my friend of having narcissistic tendencies. She also would insist that if she ever left her husband, the guy would have the urge to leave his wife for her. I did not agree, but never dared to tell her that.
I guess her husbands feelings on this matter is irrelevant, eh?
My thoughts: Three billion fish in the sea, and she can't find a more suitable one?
I was also going to add that if she cannot stand her husband enough to cheat on him for so long, she should leave him. She'd love to meet another guy since her affair with the married one petered out, but my point was, is it right to do that to another guy's wife? I really symapthized with the woman and didn't even know her.
An old friend of mine is in a somewhat similar situation. She has been seeing a married man for about 3 years now. He gives her expensive presents (I am talking Gucci purses) and takes her on luxurious vacation. She has developed serious feelings towards him (he says he has too, but I seriously doubt that). Not only does he still sleep with his wife, but also with other women, when out of town for business (they work together, so she hears about his escapades from other co-workers).
She started dating a nice guy about a year ago. He has no idea what's going on. Now THAT I don't get. I mean I don't get or condone any of her doings, but THAT I REALLY don't get. Why would you even start a relationship, if you're with someone else?A NEW relationship! I understand when people are ALREADY with someone - someone they're unhappy with, but can't bring themselves to leave. But start something new? That's retarded, I am sorry.
I can't believe she's doing this, and honestly, I don't even know if I still consider her a friend (and we've been friends for 25 years now, since we were 3). I just can't keep listening to her men stories anymore.
Don't really have advice for you, but wanted to share. Good luck! It's hard to be friends with people, who do such things.
As a woman, shouldn't she have had more compassion and empathy for the guy's wife?
Exactly! I always say - if women would stick together, men wouldn't be able to cheat. Unless, of course, they hide the fact they're taken/married. Which many of them do anyway.
I don't think you're being too judgmental. The man is married and he's cheating on his wife. That alone shows he's not trustworthy. If his own wife can't trust him, then why should the woman he's having an affair with trust him? Narcissist isn't the word I would use to describe your friend in this situation. Instead, I would just call her unbelievably stupid. If he's cheating on his wife with you, then how do you know he's not cheating with someone else too? His word? Like that counts for anything. This is why I'll never understand people who have affairs with married people. Before the affair's even started, it's been established that the other person is a liar. I guess the lesson your friend should've learned is that if you're going to have an affair, have it with someone who isn't also married. But I personally could not be friends with someone cheats on their spouse regardless of whether the person they're cheating with is also married or not. I started a thread on this and it elicited strong opinions.
Exactly! I always say - if women would stick together, men wouldn't be able to cheat. Unless, of course, they hide the fact they're taken/married. Which many of them do anyway.
Yeah, but she has a husband, and she is a cheating ***** [no offence to the OP]. So she's just as bad as he is. And he's a ***** as well.
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