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My aunt by marriage has died. I saw her briefly 14 years ago but other than that we hadn't interacted much over the years, partially because she gradually fell into alcoholism and was pretty estranged from everyone. I gotta say I'm not big on funerals, seeing the body, making small talk with people with whom I've had no relationship. Is it heartless to not want to travel out of state for a 7 hour depression-fest? It's one helluva emotional ordeal and I really had no intention of going through it for anybody other than my parents! Is that attitude like completely wrong?
My aunt by marriage has died. I saw her briefly 14 years ago but other than that we hadn't interacted much over the years, partially because she gradually fell into alcoholism and was pretty estranged from everyone. I gotta say I'm not big on funerals, seeing the body, making small talk with people with whom I've had no relationship. Is it heartless to not want to travel out of state for a 7 hour depression-fest? It's one helluva emotional ordeal and I really had no intention of going through it for anybody other than my parents! Is that attitude like completely wrong?
No it's not. The loved one is gone and if the loved one who died loved you they would want you to get on with your life and live it to the fullest!
My aunt by marriage has died. I saw her briefly 14 years ago but other than that we hadn't interacted much over the years, partially because she gradually fell into alcoholism and was pretty estranged from everyone. I gotta say I'm not big on funerals, seeing the body, making small talk with people with whom I've had no relationship. Is it heartless to not want to travel out of state for a 7 hour depression-fest? It's one helluva emotional ordeal and I really had no intention of going through it for anybody other than my parents! Is that attitude like completely wrong?
Not at all. If you were not close, you are not really mourning her passing, just showing face, which is (the religious will disagree with me) mostly for the living , not the dead. Donate to a charity that helps alcoholics the amount you would spend going to the funeral in her name
If you're parents don't need the support, then why go? Frankly, ime, it's a burden for those grieving to have to deal with small talk with people they don't know, let alone people that didn't know the deceased.
The odd thing is my Mom was guilt tripping me not because she needs support for her grief, but because she needs to pretend we have a unified, close family. It's just the opposite. My Mom and her brother (former husband of the deceased) feel that they have to bend to the breaking point to hold the family together. I don't live that way anymore. I learned that giving more than you get back is very unhealthy in the long term. It only builds resentment because your needs don't get met. It also sets you up for more selfish family members to use the crap out of you! Not good. Suffice it to say she has gone above and beyond writing the obituary, cleaning my aunt's final resting place when my aunt's sisters did far less. That's sweet that she wants to go above and beyond but I don't. I want to respond according to my real feelings. Although I feel badly for my aunt's daughter, we haven't been close for 20 years. In that time she doesn't pick up the phone when I call and doesn't return my messages. So although I gave her my condolences, that's it for me.
I've helped bury people I had never met until I met their dead body.
But I see it's difficult for others to even show up at someone's funeral, a relative Not a veiled attack on the OP, for this is the 4th or 5th such thread that I'm seeing here.
Here's my story - recently my mom had a heart attack and was near death. Our daughter lives in NYC. I did not ask her to come, however, she decided on her own to do so and fly down. Of course, the weather was perfect that weekend but I can't tell you how much her support and her just being there meant to me.
Just to be able to have her there was wonderful. It kind of took the edge off and she went every day, sometimes, twice a day to see her grandmother. While there, she would see other family members.
The fact that she came to see her grandmother and to be with us spoke volumes and I will never forget her doing so.
My mom (her grandmother) lit up when she saw her come in the room; that obviously meant a lot also.
And, if I felt she needed me, even though I am a bad flyer, I would be on the next flight to wherever she was.
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Not a veiled attack on the OP, for this is the 4th or 5th such thread that I'm seeing here.
From a mom
