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I dated a woman that had frequent "attacks". All I could really do was speak to her as soothingly as possible--it's a somewhat helpless position to be in.
Public speaking is one of the most common fears encountered. Most people just find a way to avoid giving the speech, but of course being in a class you can hardly do that.
Anyone who laughs at another person's discomfort is a fool.
I answered that I'd be more hesitant to like her; it's as neutral an answer as possible without further explanation.
For me, it depends on the situation and on whether or not I actually have some knowledge of the person beforehand.
For example, I used to be so nervous speaking in front of people that I would visibly shake. Maturity, experience and the opportunities afforded in military Leadership Academy changed that, got me over that fear, so that now I'm considered a captivating speaker when lecturing on topics, able to interact with the class and get them into the lesson, elicit discussion, etc.
So for me to see a woman who was nervous about something like that -- no, I'd never give it another thought, I'd just approach her and try to give her a few pointers and some encouragement.
It's a lesson that can be correlated to lots of scenarios; simply put, some people, men and women alike, are better at some things than at others. We're all fallible.
Then there's the flipside of that:
I was in Japan during the peak (for the last cycle) of male-bashing and I got to hear women promote themselves constantly, enough so it really grated on my nerves.
One of the things constantly waved like a flag was how "a mother will do ANYTHING to protect her child". It's a banner, a political armband, a campaign slogan.
The woman with whom I lived for a while was traveling with me and on one excursion her daughter, a small child, fell through a gap in a bridge over some pretty rough surf in a narrow inlet.
It was one of those moments when details fill up very little time, so that I saw the child hit the surf and I was over the edge of the bridge right behind her -- but Mighty Mom? Frozen and saying "Omigod-omigod-omigod" over and over. In a word: Useless.
Same mom, same daughter, following winter in treacherous conditions. My arms were full of groceries and Mom was closing the trunk and supposedly watching daughter, who darted into the icy road just as a large truck rounded a corner too quickly and lost control.
I figure to hell with the groceries and snag daughter's collar, yanking her back and leaping to the safety of the side of the road -- again to the rapidfire tune of "Omigod-omigod-omigod". The same word works: Useless.
A group outing, another of these loud-mouthed, strong-willed Super-Moms, HER daughter runs up to a bonfire and gets too close, her synthetic snowsuit immediately catching fire.
Apparently the deer-in-the-headlights cry of "Omigod" is a universal for all these Super-Moms who will do anything to save their children so long as it's in slow motion with plenty of time to take care of things. I snagged the kid and rolled her in snow and started peeling the melting snowsuit off before it could reach her while Mom was apparently still changing her costume in a phone booth, or at least would be as soon as she was finished saying "Omigod" and could move again.
THAT kind of panic, especially when attached to that kind of woman -- I have no use for her and her ilk.
I've never, ever been thanked by a mom for that kind of thing but I've certainly had my manhood questioned for being even the least bit bitter toward women.
Anxiety attacks are not something you can ever predict, prevent, or cure. There are things you can do to control them when you feel one coming on, but there is no fix per say.
I would never hold that against someone. Of course it could present an obstacle if it's someone I just met, and they were having them constantly, but if I liked her enough and everything else about her was gravy, I'd try to help her through it.
A situation such as this to set on a panic attack:
I had a panic attack in the front of the WHOLE ENTIRE class and I was completely embarrassed. I was literally shaking in my boots to the point where I had to continuously alternate my standing position. I was soaked with sweat, my voice was shaking, my hands were shaking to the point where I could hardly grasp my piece of paper, I feel so weak as a person. I made it through my speech but I ended up not making it through the whole class period and had to leave. I'm pretty confident, just not in front of the class when I'm giving a speech. What really sucked is that some people were laughing at me.
As someone who suffers from panic attacks I've come to realize that they have nothing to do with lack of confidence. All they are is an incorrect firing of the fight or flight response. Our brains are telling our bodies that the situation we're facing is potentially dangerous and to get ready for battle. The problem is as that heightened state of alertness can't be maintained for long without side-effects. Under normal circumstances we would be using the increased oxygen, blood flow, and stress hormones to beat the crap out of our attacker or run faster than we normally could. But since we're sitting or standing quietly all those chemicals have to be released somehow so our body switches to shaking, sweating, etc.
Alright...that was an unnecessarily technical reply to your question
The short answer is: No, it would have no effect on my decision to date a girl or not.
I'm not saying such things do NOT exist, but I have difficulty buying into the whole things with anxiety attacks.
Here in America we have a tendency to give everything a Syndrome of its own. After all we're the land of blamelessness; if nothing bad in life is our fault then we can't possibly be at fault, now can we?
Nobody seems to have anxiety attacks when life is hunky-dory, only when there's pressure and it's time to step up to bat.
I remember as a child I was never really taught about responsibility and consequence. Consequently (he said, in a curious turn of phrase) it turned out that when it was time to face the music for things like school assignments I wasn't ready to get yelled at or take some form of punishment.
I remember leaving things until the last minute and then crying because I needed to do them, feigning illness -- anything at all to deflect the need to man up and cope.
Honestly, I've no doubt there's such a thing, some condition which causes panic attacks, through some conflicting production of adrenaline and cortisol all at once, through some misfiring in the brain, what have you. However, for the most part I think panic attacks are a thing people pull out like a card trick when they can't step up and swing the bat through fear.
It's like PMS -- I didn't know a single woman who didn't have PMS before every menstrual cycle UNTIL I looked it up and saw that REAL PMS is fairly uncommon with regard to the population at large and pointed this out forcefully to a group of male-bashers. After that the PMS seemed to dry right the heck up, reigned itself back to menstrual cramping and discomfort.
I wouldn't write off anxiety attacks as some trendy -ism or phobia. They are very real, and often happen out of nowhere, while things are seemingly normal. Often they do sneak up on you when things are seemingly hunky-dory. People who suffer from them usually get them at very random moments, and not during a crisis. They are terrifying and quite real to the person who is suffering from one. They can go years without having one, and then suddenly it strikes. Sometimes as a result of a very subtle "trigger" that they weren't even conscious of, and sometimes as a result of a drastic change in their life or traumatic loss.
Location: Where ocean meets up with the naked land.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coolhand68
I wouldn't write off anxiety attacks as some trendy -ism or phobia. They are very real, and often happen out of nowhere, while things are seemingly normal. Often they do sneak up on you when things are seemingly hunky-dory. People who suffer from them usually get them at very random moments, and not during a crisis. They are terrifying and quite real to the person who is suffering from one. They can go years without having one, and then suddenly it strikes. Sometimes as a result of a very subtle "trigger" that they weren't even conscious of, and sometimes as a result of a drastic change in their life or traumatic loss.
Yeah. Definitely, I feel that a random trigger can turn a man off as they almost become uncomfortable as they don't know what to expect next for a girl..
Plenty of people do and not sure fool is the best decription. Nasty and deluded sum it up better IMO.
Good point.
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