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Battle Hymn of the Relationship
(Sung to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic")
Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the gals that I've adored;
I just bought a brand-new Lexus
And I sold my beat-up Ford;
But my overtures to all of them
Are mainly just ignored:
The truth is hard to bear.
Chorus:
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Lots of women say they'll do ya!
In the end they'll only screw ya!
The truth is hard to bear.
I have seen them in the nightclubs
With a hundred circling guys,
They are wearing low-cut blouses
And a skirt that shows their thighs;
But you know they ain't no Einstein
When you look into their eyes:
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
I have dreamed of meeting hotties
With a gaze of molten steel:
In my dreams I am so handsome
So I usually cop a feel
But reality confronts me
When she kicks me with her heel,
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
I've decided in my dating
That I'll act so nice and neat;
When we go into the bistro
I will guide her to her seat.
But I know I'll only crawl on home
While tasting my defeat
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
I will buy her tons of lilies
And I'll sign the card, "From ME",
She will hold them to her bosom
And for once, she'll think of me;
Then she'll toss them in the dumpster
And she'll laugh, "At last I'm FREE!"
The truth is hard to bear.
If I had a rich man,
Deiger deiger deidle deiger deidle deiger diedle dum,
All day long I'd sit upon my bum
If I had a wealthy man …
I … wouldn't have to work hard,
Bugger rising early every day for work before the Sun,
If I had a really bloody rich,
Heavy wallet … Tiger of a man.
I'd trade my soul for wealth and trivial possessions,
I'd prostitute myself for jewels and gold,
A Maid … A Cook … A Gardener to mow my lawn.
My dogs and I would live … high on the hog,
Each day we would swim and run and play,
Sleep till lunch … and party until dawn.
]I'd liberate myself from the Hippy Commune,
Buy a freehold block bordering a National Park
With no-one else polluting my water supply,
No nosy neighbours straining their ears … then complaining,
About noise … every time I sneeze or fart …
Invading privacy … and spreading malicious lies.
If I had a rich man,
I'd get a truckload of VIAGRA so I wouldn't have to stray,
I'd hire a Nurse in case of Cardiac Arrest,
For when I put the VIAGRA to the test,
At first he'd believe that he'd been truly blessed,
If I had a wealthy man.!.!.!.
Last edited by virgode; 03-01-2010 at 10:44 AM..
Reason: edit
Battle Hymn of the Relationship
(Sung to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic")
Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the gals that I've adored;
I just bought a brand-new Lexus
And I sold my beat-up Ford;
But my overtures to all of them
Are mainly just ignored:
The truth is hard to bear.
Chorus:
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Lots of women say they'll do ya!
In the end they'll only screw ya!
The truth is hard to bear.
I have seen them in the nightclubs
With a hundred circling guys,
They are wearing low-cut blouses
And a skirt that shows their thighs;
But you know they ain't no Einstein
When you look into their eyes:
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
I have dreamed of meeting hotties
With a gaze of molten steel:
In my dreams I am so handsome
So I usually cop a feel
But reality confronts me
When she kicks me with her heel,
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
I've decided in my dating
That I'll act so nice and neat;
When we go into the bistro
I will guide her to her seat.
But I know I'll only crawl on home
While tasting my defeat
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
I will buy her tons of lilies
And I'll sign the card, "From ME",
She will hold them to her bosom
And for once, she'll think of me;
Then she'll toss them in the dumpster
And she'll laugh, "At last I'm FREE!"
The truth is hard to bear.
Battle Hymn of the Relationship
(Sung to the tune of "Battle Hymn of the Republic")
Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the gals that I've adored;
I just bought a brand-new Lexus
And I sold my beat-up Ford;
But my overtures to all of them
Are mainly just ignored:
The truth is hard to bear.
Chorus:
Glory, glory, hallelujah!
Lots of women say they'll do ya!
In the end they'll only screw ya!
The truth is hard to bear.
I have seen them in the nightclubs
With a hundred circling guys,
They are wearing low-cut blouses
And a skirt that shows their thighs;
But you know they ain't no Einstein
When you look into their eyes:
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
I have dreamed of meeting hotties
With a gaze of molten steel:
In my dreams I am so handsome
So I usually cop a feel
But reality confronts me
When she kicks me with her heel,
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
I've decided in my dating
That I'll act so nice and neat;
When we go into the bistro
I will guide her to her seat.
But I know I'll only crawl on home
While tasting my defeat
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
I will buy her tons of lilies
And I'll sign the card, "From ME",
She will hold them to her bosom
And for once, she'll think of me;
Then she'll toss them in the dumpster
And she'll laugh, "At last I'm FREE!"
The truth is hard to bear.
(Chorus)
Hilarious!
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