Need voice of reason (dating, girls, love, single)
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Yeah, so it's been 3 dates and this girl has left me NO window for me to make a move with the first kiss. I usually lay it on at least by date #2, we just had date #3 at my place on my couch watching a movie.
She walked 12 blocks to my apt (which I was impressed, I figured she'd take the bus or at least a cab), just to sit on the couch with me, watch a movie, have a glass of wine, and then LEAVE right as the movie ended. Given she arrived at my apt not until 9:40pm and it was late, but I walked her to the door and was going to make a move then but she did the QUICK HUG thing again. Seriously, wtf is up with this girl? Each time I think she's blowing me off or isn't interested, she calls and wants to hang out or talk. I usually like to see some sign of interest before I put myself completely on the line to go in for a kiss but the whole time she just looked so uncomfortable. So if she's so damn uncomfortable around me why the fck would she agree to walk 12 damn blocks to my apt and watch a movie with me?? Why keep talking to me at all??
I don't know the real reason, but it can't be good. I'm either getting played, she thinks of me as a friend, or she's using me. Either way, I'm not calling her again, and if she calls me I'll just tell her that I can tell she's not into me and that we shouldn't see each other anymore. Seriously, is dating supposed to suck this bad? Am I being retarded for feeling this way? I mean I really like the girl, but it's not worth having no idea where you stand and no opportunity to find out. I mean, come on, what am I supposed to do? Just let her keep leading me on? Am I supposed to outright ask her "hey, why are you being so damn shady?"
God I hate dating. I need to stop.
Last edited by yankeegirl313; 03-14-2010 at 07:59 AM..
Reason: language
Um, she doesn't sound "shady" to me -- just reserved. Instead of making declarations, why don't you simply ASK her about what she's thinking/feeling and how she sees it going? She simply might have had some bad experiences in the past and wants to take it slowly.
I'm a bit disturbed by the anger in your post and how you're assuming bad things about her without knowing what's really going on.
Um, she doesn't sound "shady" to me -- just reserved. Instead of making declarations, why don't you simply ASK her about what she's thinking/feeling and how she sees it going? She simply might have had some bad experiences in the past and wants to take it slowly.
I'm a bit disturbed by the anger in your post and how you're assuming bad things about her without knowing what's really going on.
I guess I'm just an intense person and this JUST happened, I keep my cool in these situations (in person) very well and I just felt like I really needed to vent.
I can understand if she's reserved, that might be the case, and as much as I'd love to be able to just ask her how she sees it going: Every experience in my life tells me not to do that. I've done it in the past and it's never worked out for me. I've been burned in the past and I think I'm starting to realize how messed up I must be from it because part of me knows this is no big deal but I just feel so frustrated about it and I can't figure out why.
What am I supposed to do at this point? I can't afford to become too emotionally invested in someone when they aren't really into me. I just can't go through that again. I'd rather walk than face that situation.
If I were to ask her, how does one bring that up without making it awkward? What if I tell her I feel like she's not that into me, and she says she actually is, well then it just made the next time we see each extremely weird...
P.S. Teatime thank you, you're advice is always welcome
Um, she doesn't sound "shady" to me -- just reserved. Instead of making declarations, why don't you simply ASK her about what she's thinking/feeling and how she sees it going? She simply might have had some bad experiences in the past and wants to take it slowly.
I'm a bit disturbed by the anger in your post and how you're assuming bad things about her without knowing what's really going on.
What she said. Times 10! Communicating your thoughts and feelings is a baseline of successful dating. I fail to see a single reason for you to be angry and confused, in fact, it's rather scary. Have you held her hand? Kissed her on the cheek? Kissed her hand? If not, then how can you get a sense of how she feels, if you haven't even asked her? Dating is easy when you communicate. You are the one making it hard. You've probably scared her to death.
I've been burned in the past and I think I'm starting to realize how messed up I must be from it because part of me knows this is no big deal but I just feel so frustrated about it and I can't figure out why ...
... I can't afford to become too emotionally invested in someone when they aren't really into me. I just can't go through that again. I'd rather walk than face that situation.
I agree with Chessie and teatime in their discomfort at your anger and frustration which, in my opinion, just isn't within normal limits. Based on your comments excerpted above, have you considered some counseling to get some insight into why you feel this way? You say that you "keep cool" on the outside but I don't think that what's going on inside is very healthy.
Maybe the young lady really likes you (I wouldn't walk 12 blocks to hang out with someone I wasn't interested in) but maybe she's also getting some intuitive sense of the baggage you're carting around which keeps her in reserve mode until she gets to know you better.
communicating feelings with someone you barely know rarely ends well. dont ask...
so you were on the couch watching a movie. did you have your arm around her or anything? i had a movie date at my place last night and just started kissing the girl at the end, while she was saying something mid sentence :P
a lot of girls are more socially retarded then most guys. she may be a bit nervous. that might explain the quick hug thing if she actually is interested. she might not even realize shes doing it. instead of waiting for the perfect window just put your arm around her, pull her close and kiss her. give her one more date, make a move regardless of anything else and see what happens bro
Maybe if you offered not to make her walk 12 blocks home by herself??????
Exactly! Omg, I can't believe you are so worked up about her, when she is probably thinking, "WTF???? I walk ALL the way over there, ALONE, he doesn't even try to kiss me, and then he let's me walk ALL the way back, ALONE...."
If I were her, I wouldn't want to go out with you again. Honestly.
I vote ask her if you can kiss her? Cheesy, yes. And if it were me I might laugh (in a good way?). But if you aren't getting the physical signals to go in for the kiss....this sounds like a better option than asking her what she's thinking, in my opinion.
She might find it endearing, and if she says no....maybe she will explain why or you will know to let this one go.
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