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I'm fairly new to C-D (about 3 mos), and it's the first time I've participated in an online forum. What an eye opener! Rather naive at the start, I've been very surprised at the wide range of advice people post on here. There are some real know-it-alls out there, and they do more harm than good, thinking they have all the answers. Sometimes a person will start a thread, sincerely hoping to get some sound advice re: a personal crisis, and a bunch of smart a** people say cruel things to the OP and/or flippantly throw all sorts of crappy advice out there. I also read a couple of threads where people had medical conditions for which they were seeking advice, and there were some potentially dangerous posts (advice) on there. What is it with people? Give an opinion, folks, but don't be telling people "facts" that you can't back up.
But there are two sides to that particular coin - you have to consider exactly HOW wise it is to seek advice from strangers in the first place.
Sometimes the smart-a** people have a valid point - for example, if the poster is a troll or flamer.
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When it comes to my personal friends, I find that sometimes the best thing I can do when they seek advice is to just listen to them and encourage them to figure things out for themselves, in their own time. Sometimes the best words are no words at all. A listening ear and a tender hug can do wonders to help a friend sort things out.
Great advice - seriously!
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Every relationship is unique, and every person will react differently given the same set of circumstances as someone else. There are no cookie-cutter solutions to our problems. Those know-it-alls out there need to learn that!
But also consider - within that uniqueness lies a certain sameness, shared by all humans...
I think giving advise is just human nature. It is something we all do unless we specifically determine not too. I think it is interesting how many answers we as human beings have for our fellow man while for ourselves, the answers r not so clear cut. It is a pity from a certain perspective that we can't live each other's lives...
But there are two sides to that particular coin - you have to consider exactly HOW wise it is to seek advice from strangers in the first place.
Sometimes the smart-a** people have a valid point - for example, if the poster is a troll or flamer.
I hear ya, SifuPhil. I had other thoughts, but didn't want my post to get too lengthy. ha. I do think that a lot of people who seek advice from online strangers about serious problems are a little looney.
Great advice - seriously! *chuckle*
But also consider - within that uniqueness lies a certain sameness, shared by all humans...
I realize that, as well.
Many of the threads here certainly do give one food for thought.
I think that advice can be given with a grain of salt. You can listen to it, or not. We just try to reach out and help, any way we can. Ain`t forums great!
I think that advice can be given with a grain of salt. You can listen to it, or not. We just try to reach out and help, any way we can. Ain`t forums great!
I can't recall the exact quote but it was from Schweitzer. Something about --'Not needing to know all the details but recognizing the need for empathy'.
Today I am not overly fond or able to be appreciative of being 'lectured'. Someone pointed out that those who share personal experiences are making themselves vulnerable and it becomes embarassing to repeatedly have assumptions made. Then the originator has to deal with additional negativity.
'There but for the Grace of God, go I.' In my formative years that was said a lot--I can only assume that is no longer a popular concept.
'That's the way it is'. Also true in Real Life--which leads people to post on message boards.
I feel like often - on online forums when it comes to personal situations - people sometimes are looking more for validation of their own thoughts as opposed to advice. Granted those 'where's the best chinese restaurant' threads truly are looking for opinions, personal advice situations aren't so cut and dry.
I don't even look at most of it as advice, but rather questions and avenues for an OP to think about. Since there are two factors. one being you don't know who this person is and two, you only get one side of a story. So it's more or less 'here's my thoughts or experiences' or 'here is how I see your story'' and it gives an OP something to consider or think about. Some may apply, some may not. Some may disagree with someone else's viewpoint and offer another way of looking at the situation.
If a person is not looking for raw advice or thoughts. which they may not agree with, then they shouldn't solicit them by posting a thread on public forums like this, but rather discuss it with people they know or a professional. This isn't AA or any number of 10 step programs available for 'support'.
And that is why I so thoroughly enjoy the Taoist philosophy of living - just being in the moment, no questions or answers, no analysis - just doing. Taoists endeavor to mind their own business and, when it becomes necessary to speak, do so in a forthright manner.
I feel like often - on online forums when it comes to personal situations - people sometimes are looking more for validation of their own thoughts as opposed to advice. Granted those 'where's the best chinese restaurant' threads truly are looking for opinions, personal advice situations aren't so cut and dry.
Absolutely. I'd say that each and everyone of us have our 'agendas'. I often feel that those who are most 'emphatic' speak from an intense personal experience. I appreciate those who say--'Something similar happened to me or 'a friend of mine' and this is what I did and learned from the experience.'
That's just me--there are a few things that I am embarassed to admit and when the 'The OP needs a slap in the face' crew responds it bothers me. I've noticed similar responses from others.
Some people just like the sound of their own voices and if they have truly resolved all their personal issues----why are they posting with those who haven't attained that stage of enlightenment? They should have their own talk shows.
After reading numerous responses I am frequently annoyed enough to think that whatever I thought was as good if not better than anyone else's ideas.
Often regret the decision to 'share'.
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