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I'm wondering in those cases where the cheater never confessed him/herself and was rather caught in all the following ways:
1) The SO finds overwhelming evidence and catches their lies.
2) Someone tells the SO all about it and is true
3) SO find pictures or even life videos about them with the other person
4) The SO simply walks up to them, catching them right in the act
In everyday life, there are yet still people that even in either of those case have still stayed with the cheater, was willing to worked it out and eventually forgive them.
How is that possible esp. in #3 and 4 scenario which would be practically impossible to work out unless someone has more pain tolerant, I don't know???
But I heard that not everyone walks away, how do these people manage it anyways???
#2 scenario, stayed because of the love described in this thread. Unconditional love that was still there no matter what, even cheating.
How did it work out for the person caught cheating? I guess in her favor: she is now married to somebody else, kids, good job in a large company, seems happy.
Its an unconcious and sometimes concious thought process that the person who finds their SO has cheated on them goes through.. the hurt/the pain/ the "OMG What about me?" mentality...
Then they start the.. i thought loved me.. scenario.. which brings the boohoo and they ultimately try to get their SO to show/prove they love them.
go up the intelligence ladder and you get the... oh crap.. well.. that sucks.. I belive they love me, but I'm not leaving because I enjoy my lifestyle... all the while praying they keep it "under wraps"
If you REALLY listen to women (and men) when they have a cheating spouse/boyfriend... the main thing that is SOOO obvisouly clear is .. that spouse/boyfriend is paying for something... IE.. lifestyle..
case in point... i have a friend that has a So that hasn't "necessarily" cheated on her but has caused her significant distress... her attitude "I love him, and I know hes the one for me.... I just don't know why he can't understand that what he does hurts me...."... IN THE SAME BREATH... "he said he was going to give me money this week for bills, but I haven't gotten anything..."... "he really should move in with me because its ridiculous that hes paying rent and paying me for bills on top of that..."
now this is generalizations and does not include everyone... but if you listen to the conversations... you'll find that the whole "i can't believe they did xyz to me...'boohoo'" in the same breath.. within 5 minutes of "financial issues"
I was on the receiving end of #1. We separated for 5 weeks and got back together for another couple of years. I took him back because I was naive, didn't want to be alone and thought I could just magically make it work. Didn't turn out that way. Honestly, when we got back together I knew in the bottom of my heart that it was pointless to even try...so when our marriage eventually ended it didn't affect me nearly as much as it would have if we hadn't had the break-up. Basically, I knew it was bound to happen again. And it did.
Look at it this way. Some cheaters always know what to say to get their girlfriend/boyfriend to stay. While other cheaters have no clue and are constantly being dumped.
For some people and in some situations the unknown, i.e. leaving the person, is a greater fear or stress factor than remaining in the relationship. We fear change.
I'm wondering in those cases where the cheater never confessed him/herself and was rather caught in all the following ways:
1) The SO finds overwhelming evidence and catches their lies. 2) Someone tells the SO all about it and is true 3) SO find pictures or even life videos about them with the other person 4) The SO simply walks up to them, catching them right in the act
In everyday life, there are yet still people that even in either of those case have still stayed with the cheater, was willing to worked it out and eventually forgive them.
How is that possible esp. in #3 and 4 scenario which would be practically impossible to work out unless someone has more pain tolerant, I don't know???
But I heard that not everyone walks away, how do these people manage it anyways???
Why does it matter how they found out? You don't work it out and forgive someone because you learn to forget or deny that it happened. What happened, happened, regardless of how you found out. The method of discovery is pure chance so what does it matter?
I can't say how someone can forgive cheating though... never been there so I can't comment. I can say I have never seen a relationship suffer from cheating and wind up stronger or just as strong as it was previously. From what I've seen, there is always some lingering fear, jealousy, insecurity, etc.
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