Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm a firm believer that marital problems need to stay behind closed doors. If I was dealing with these kind of problems, I sure would not flaunt them here or in any other place. Why would I want to expose my mistakes or mistakes of my spouse to the world? It's unfair. I would tell no-one. It would be between me, my husband, G-d and my therapist.
With that said, Pitt, I know more then one couple who went through such thing, dealt with it and moved on. They are not living a lie, they just moved on and going strong. It took a lot of work though.
And by the way, just because you don't know couples like that in real life, doesn't mean they are not around you. You are just not in the loop.
my wife cheated on me 16 months ago. Many factors caused it. It was a very breif affair. She took responsibility and has done everything she could to make amends, it was the hardest and most painful thing i ever went through. I have forgiven her. We still have a ways to go but in many ways our marriage is better off.
I really want to know this. I always see the "work on your relationship" posts about cheaters but....isn't that a little cart before the horse?
How can you not be affected by the fear of health risks? Did you put up with it because it was a even stevens thing? What do you think would of happened if you just ditched them? Why did you not just ditch them?
I don't cheat and I don't expect my SO to do so either! That is a definite deal breaker for me. Call me hard or selfish or what you will. That kind of stuff doesn't fly with me!!!
hmmmm....I think you are a little too close to the subject at the moment my friend to be very objective.
I actually know people who have completely forgiven cheating and moved on - they are not liars or living a lie at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by max's mama
With that said, Pitt, I know more then one couple who went through such thing, dealt with it and moved on. They are not living a lie, they just moved on and going strong. It took a lot of work though.
And by the way, just because you don't know couples like that in real life, doesn't mean they are not around you. You are just not in the loop.
I agree. It can happen, and happens quite a lot, really. Just look at Bill and Hillary
I know two couples who dealt with infidelity, forgave, and still have strong marriages. One couple got divorced over the issue, but then remarried a few years later and are still married. The other couple had filed for divorce but called it off before it was final. They are now on their 18th year of marriage and have two kids.
i don't care what anyone says: once a cheater, always a cheater. "Why did he get married if he was gonna cheat?" Because he was gonna cheat whether he was married or not.
I know you can't really tell if someone's gonna cheat at first, but the second you find out, that should be the ultimate deal breaker. If you let him in and "forgive the imperfections" then you are teaching him he can get away with it. He won't have respect for you and will potentially do it again. No, not even potentially, he will. He had a reason to, however wrong it may be, so he'll do it again. For those of you that remain in those relationships, have a little more self worth and don't allow it no matter how close you are. He f***ed you over. I know it's hard but you have to get over it. Unless your self-worth is really low, dump his a**.
I agree 100%. If you let someone treat you badly, you're telling them it's OK if they do it again.
Well, it didn't happen to me but it was my parents case. My father cheated for a few years with different women until he got caught.
Me and my siblings were still young and she forgave him a divorce would have been difficult for financial reasons. But I could see she didn't trust him the same way she did before, for obvious reasons. They were very distant from then on, until the last years of their marriage, when they seemed to be a really happy couple and over what had happened. I can remember how much my father asked for forgiveness on her last days for what he put her through.
I also find it hard to have respect for cheaters and my father was indeed a terrible husband but is by no means a bad man.
They stay together but there is this sorta invisible curtain still between them. She watches him for an extra second when a female walks by. Or the guy has a strange tone when asking who is on the phone.
I just wonder if it is always that thing that changes stuff forever. Like one more petal of innocence lost.
They stay together but there is this sorta invisible curtain still between them. She watches him for an extra second when a female walks by. Or the guy has a strange tone when asking who is on the phone.
I just wonder if it is always that thing that changes stuff forever. Like one more petal of innocence lost.
True, true, true. Great words.
You can learn to live with it but you are never the same.
I really see nothing mature about tolerating disrespectful behavior. Pitt_transplant what I'm about to say might appear tedious but there's one simple rule in my relationship.... You cheat and you're out (I would expect the same if I did it).
I have no patience for counseling (it would be a waste of effort, energy and money for me), looking through emails/passwords as a suppose way of healing nor dramas. If I have to go snoop on him as a result of betrayal of trust then it's game over for me.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
