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about the affect it can have on relationships when a woman earns more than a man. It was an interesting article with several examples of different types of relationships.
I'm sure this has been discussed in social circles ad nauseum but if your problems are due to the economy (husband lost his job through not fault of his own) does that change the way you look at things.
Are you still happy that you married the starving artist, stay-at-home dad, academic (author, free-lance, etc.)?
I'd request that you at least scan the article before you comment but if you are in this situation, how does this dynamic work for your family?
What are the special challenges that these types of relationships face and how do you all handle them?
Just curious...
Thanks!
Last edited by SunnyKayak; 04-02-2010 at 01:19 PM..
I was in this situation when my guy went 6 months without a job. At first I was very cool with it because he did a lot around the house while I was gone to work (cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc.) and worked on his art (which brought a tiny bit on money). Money was really tight, so it wasn't like he could spend his time shopping and stuff. After a while he went into sort of a depression - partly because he was feeling about about not finding work and partly because he was bored because he couldn't afford to go out and do stuff. He gradually quit doing much of anything around the house and started sleeping in late and spending his days playing computer games.
That's when I started to have a problem with it.
Luckily it wasn't long after that he found a job and all is back to normal. I still earn quite a bit more than him, but that's never been an issue between us.
about the affect it can have on relationships when a woman earns more than a man. It was an interesting article with several examples of different types of relationships.
I'm sure this has been discussed in social circles ad nauseum but if your problems are due to the economy (husband lost his job through not fault of his own) does that change the way you look at things.
Are you still happy that you married the starving artist, stay-at-home dad, academic (author, free-lance, etc.)?
I'd request that you at least scan the article before you comment but if you are in this situation, how does this dynamic work for your family?
What are the special challenges that these types of relationships face and how do you all handle them?
Just curious...
Thanks!
I am a man, so I apologize if my opinion is uninvited. However, I was the "alpha male" for 32 years, always making more than my wife. She is now the "breadwinner". I have changed my job description to doing the shopping, handling the finances, having dinner ready when she comes home, walking the dogs, etc. I don't have an ego problem with any of this, because she appreciates it, and I feel like I am making a contribution to our relationship.
We are working together in anticipation of retirement, so we are learning to live with less material aspirations. We try to find humor in some of our end-of-day conversations that have changed. She tells me about what a butt-head her boss has been and I entertain her with stories of elderly women elbowing me in the vegetable aisle. You have never experienced true fear until you've played "chicken" with a geriatric with a grocery cart.
In summary, the role reversal has not been a problem in our relationship.
I am the bread winner in my situation..my fiance is very smart but he's 5 year younger than me so in time I have no doubt he will catch up and/or exceed me but right now I am the bread winner and clearly its only because i'm in sales and thankfully i am good at it :-)
I think it bothers him but it also motivates him. He's not the type to stay home, he'd rather be out working and making a salary that doesn't affect us much than sit home and do house work. He's a hard worker and very very intelleigent with IT/computers..he just needs to get his 4 year degree and/or start his own company which is the future goal for us. Other than that he doesn't care who brings in what..he's not egotistical in the least.
I'm the breadwinner and this was a conscious decision before we married. I had the benefit of education, he did not. I'm good at the monotony of a regular job, he is not.
He really is an artist and has been in many galleries and shows. He made good money, but then the art become work and sucked the creativity out of it. He's a bit of an entreprenuer and has had his own businesses. Right now, he trades stocks, tracks our investments, takes care of the 4-legged kids, keeps the house looking grand, and even cooks. He's no wimpy boy either - he's a man's man.
Freeloader? No way, he carries his weight and then some. I am a successful businesswoman because of his support and encouragement. There is balance in our relationship.
I LOVE IT. I wouldn't trade it for the world. If I can get away for a vacation - he can pack up and go. He doesn't have to clear his schedule with his boss. If I travel with work - he can come with me.
Sometimes he gets that working bug, then thinks about working the stocks in his robe and laughs at us working stiffs!
Some people don't get it. We like it this way and don't care what others think. I think that is the key to making it work.
It's always been that way with me; I have rarely dated a man that earned more than me. I think if my guy ever gets back into his field things will be fine but he has issues with it now that he isn't working. Me, I don't care about that--I make enough for two and I know he will get back there when the economy picks up. But I respect his feelings.
I'm the bread winner in my home as well, but it was a decision we made so the dh could finish his schooling. At one point we thought he would do the SAHD thing (before we bought our home), but with the economy the way it is I'm not moving along financially like I thought I would. I don't expect him to earn what I do, nor would I care, but we're learning some big life lessons as new home owners. Never in my life did I think I could blow through tens of thousands of dollars in such a short amount of time. As renters we'd be sitting pretty. All well, back to work he will go.
When my husband and I separated 3 years ago, I joined a dating service. I had a rediculous number of responses from men a lot younger than me and a healthy number of responses to men my age. Someone told me to take my income off of my profile. The inquiries stopped . Apparently, it wasn't me they were interested in.
I'd love to see what would happen now that I make next to nothing. I'm willing to bet, I wouldn't get a hit. As a teacher, I'm probably not worth their time. As an engineer, they were very interested.
Oh so like the previous thread about women online only interested in the money a guy earns. It seems this works both ways and if you are a high earning female you have the same problem working out what a guys intentions really are?
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Would you date a women that earned more money than you?
. Apparently, it wasn't me they were interested in. 
