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I mentioned this gal in previous posts. Boyfriend left her right around Christmas. New Years Eve was met with her crying in her beer, gathering pity and slamming him to anyone who would listen.
These two have been around each other quite a bit since they broke up. She started dating someone else and made a point of flaunting it, claims she is okay with him dating other people and has no problem with him bringing the new gal around. She met the new girlfriend a few times already.
This time it was a birthday gathering. Ex-boyfriend was there with the new gal. She was not there with the guy she has been dating. Within about 2 hours, she was crying. She actually turned to me like she wanted to say something and just choked back the tears. She's a pain in the ass, I don't like being around her, but I did feel for her. I rubbed her arm and asked her why she insists on doing this to herself; she is just prolonging the pain. She agreed and just shook her head. As usual, people are worrying about her, hovering over her, when they should be celebrating a birthday. She eventually left.
Everything she did from the time they broke up was designed to draw out a reaction from her ex. She did everything in her power to make him jealous, she'd get drunk and cause a scene, it was a chore for anyone else who was in their company.
They are both pushing this. In as much as she is the one who insists on it, he should know from everything in the last paragraph that she is not over it.
Yes, people do it all the time, they don't want to let go and anything is better than nothing. Question is, would you do this? Or would you allow yourself the time to get past it? I know it's hard, but do you have the internal fortitude to stay away?
To me "Let's be friends" holds about as much water as "I'll call you." It's said almost out of habit than truth. "Let's be friends" really means - you're a nice person, but I have no desire to sleep with you or be in a relationship with you, this isn't working, I'm not attracted to you, you're psycho...insert anything of truth here_______. It's a saying made for a graceful exit and rarely do people really mean it. Anyone who tries to force it is hoping the person will change their minds about them and are only kidding themselves. Exceptions to this rule does apply in rare cases.
If two people mutually decide to break up and go their separate ways, friendship can work. For the most part, though, "Let's me friends" is just a chicken**** line said by one person to assuage feelings of guilt for hurting the other.
"Friends" ... bah. Yeah, like the person you just hurt wants to go miniature golfing with you on Saturday. 'Cause you're good buddies now! Lame.
I don't know why your friend is subjecting herself to seeing the ex with his new girlfriend. She's not doing herself or anyone else around her much good at all.
She needs to mourn about it in private now, get over it, and stop the public displays of emotion. She's beginning to make herself look pitiful. Time to put on the big girl panties.
I've been where she is in regards to feeling very low about one's self several times. But I never went as far as to meeting up with the ex-boyfriend somewhere with his new squeeze. She's just prolonging the agony of the situation.
To me "Let's be friends" holds about as much water as "I'll call you." It's said almost out of habit than truth. "Let's be friends" really means - you're a nice person, but I have no desire to sleep with you or be in a relationship with you, this isn't working, I'm not attracted to you, you're psycho...insert anything of truth here_______. It's a saying made for a graceful exit and rarely do people really mean it. Anyone who tries to force it is hoping the person will change their minds about them and are only kidding themselves. Exceptions to this rule does apply in rare cases.
When my BF and I broke up in college, we did not speak for a year. At that point, we were able to start mending the great friendship we'd developed and we got back together a couple of years after that. I don't think we'd have been able to be friends again, let alone date again, if we hadn't had a year of no contact. We needed that time to sort out what we wanted and who we wanted to be.
Two of my close friends dated each other for several years, and their break-up was hard on all of us because they didn't want to see each other, which ruined our group of friends. Five years later, we can once again all hang out together, but when they first tried hanging out shortly after their break up, it was bad news for everyone. You need space after a break up and some people just can't be friends.
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